Was DP’s comment to waiter ‘encouraging’ or crass?

[Janeywestblue]

We had a lovely meal at our local earlier. Our waiter was someone we hadn’t seen before and he told us he was on his first shift when he came over to take our drinks order. DP commented to him ‘I bet your arse is twitching like a rabbit’s nose’ to which he sort of awkwardly/politely laughed. I told DP off and he said the waiter would appreciate him breaking the ice and having a laugh with him.

I disagree and thought it was crass. AIBU?

Very. I would be so humiliated and definitely get the ick.

I would have been embaressed.

Does he often say things like this? It'd definitely give me the ick

Exactly. It's hardly a commonplace expression of anxiety, is it? Class has nothing to do with it, people's bottoms don't quiver when starting a new job whether they're an admiral or an able.

OP, does your boyfriend give a lot of thought to the delicate sensations of young men's backsides?

This must be a wind up but just in case it isn't your husband has no social skills at all. Is this the first time he has eaten in a restaurant?

Ick.

Gross, weird and confusing. What a bellend.

I would be really embarrassed at that

I agree, I can't believe the outrage it's caused. I was listening to a podcast the other day and they were talking about "squeaky bum time" . I don't understand anyone saying it's sexual, it's really not. I live in the north, and no I'm not working class or scum but it's a common phrase to describe a time when you would be nervous.

I clicked the wrong option. YANBU, that’s grim.

But what does it mean? Why should bums squeak or twitch when you're nervous?

Squeaky bum time comes from football and was first said by Alex Ferguson. It's meant to be in reference to tense times in a match like a penalty shootout and is in reference to the sound made by people nervously shifting their bums on the plastic seats. I think twitchy bum time has just developed from that.

If you didn't know the reference, it sounds crass and rude. Even if you did know the reference, it is still crass and rude to say to a stranger.

I learned a new expression anyway!

Yes, it was weird and embarrassing but unless you think he intended to be creepy or humiliate the waiter, I’d cut him some slack.

It was really gross and ignorant. I couldn't be with somebody who thought it was ok to speak like that.

I have never heard that phrase before. It sounds crass and rude and I would be embarrassed.

Crass. Inappropriate. Slightly weird. If you haven’t picked this up already, red flag for your relationship.

Why is it a red flag? Where I live it's a common used phrase, well squeaky bum time is which it has evolved from.

Gross and crass comment. He should have gone for ‘good luck with it mate, everyone has a first day’ or something!

I’m with everyone else - what does it even mean?

I hate it when people make “jokes” towards me unexpectedly. It always makes me feel very uncomfortable and I never know how to respond, particularly when it is strangers. You don’t say how old they were but they were probably young which makes it even worse.

To me it’s a red flag because he’s either rude and crass or he enjoys making people uncomfortable or he has reached adulthood without learning appropriate social behaviours.

Any one of those three would be a warning sign to me that I would not be compatible with this person.

As well as being really crass, it was condescending. Would he have said this to a manager on a first day?

It was demeaning to the waiter and I hope he banked this in his memory under the heading, 'Wankers I have met in my job'.

Sorry my post above was to @Keepoffmyartichokes

What a vulgar and, frankly, weird thing to say!
I couldn't bear being with someone who talked like that. Whatever did he mean?

I've never heard it in my life, what on earth does it mean?