Was DP’s comment to waiter ‘encouraging’ or crass?

[Janeywestblue]

We had a lovely meal at our local earlier. Our waiter was someone we hadn’t seen before and he told us he was on his first shift when he came over to take our drinks order. DP commented to him ‘I bet your arse is twitching like a rabbit’s nose’ to which he sort of awkwardly/politely laughed. I told DP off and he said the waiter would appreciate him breaking the ice and having a laugh with him.

I disagree and thought it was crass. AIBU?

I agree (although I do think it was also offensive). If he'd said "I bet you're terrified" instead it would still have been unpleasant rather than encouraging. Just horrible on any level really.

Are you kidding? They were in a restaurant! Who wants to think about a stranger's bumhole (that shit comes out of) while they're eating!

I worded it badly before, It the combination of stranger/arse/eating food

I would be embarrassed that he made that particular social faux pas. I'm not embarrassed about body parts in general

Imagine someone saying that to a waiter on a first date... pure cringe and guaranteed ick

I wouldn’t use any of them to encourage a nervous-presumably young-person on their first day in a job. As always, context is all!

So you wouldn't mind a stranger saying something about your arsehole while you're doing your job, in front of another stranger?

I wouldn't mind what op dp said as its a known saying

It doesn't matter if it's a known saying

No I don't

Really? I don't know it and am almost 66.

You've apparently misunderstood the second part of my comment.

To break it down:

• I thought your response of LTB was very OTT.
• His comment was embarrassing, but IMO didn't merit divorce.
• I questioned the level of consequences if he used the "C" word; not necessarily in that situation, but in general to anyone.
• I was being snarky.

I apologize for the sarcasm, but IMO your suggested punishment outweighs the crime. People say things in the moment without considering appropriateness.

It was an off-the-cuff comment. There was no cursing, no abuse, and was not a shouty verbal attack on a nervous waiter. The husband didn't berate or insult the young man. He apparently thought he was being funny. 🙄

Calling him out for it was enough. If my husband did this, I hope I would show some grace and then let it go.

There was a female contestant on Blankety Blank today who said something along the lines of being so nervous her bum was doing 50p and 5p. Something to do with squeaky bum time.

It wasn’t easy on the ear.

FFS. One of the only positives of going to my office is occasionally being cheered up by the sight of wild rabbits sunbathing in the field under my window.
Next time, instead of passing a pleasant couple of minutes observing I'm going to watch their little noses and be reminded of a poor unknown waiters bottom and his creepy weird customer!
😤🐰

It must be made up then if you've never heard it

Nobody said it was made up. Plenty of people on here haven't heard it before but that's besides the point as that doesn't determine whether it's offensive or not

I feel sorry for you. He sounds vulgar and crass. Common. Does he eat out much? Best not to, til he learns how to behave.

Spoken like a man.

Yes. I also find it difficult, personally, to imagine saying "you was off your tits last night" to a waiter regardless!

You no what they say about people who assume. Although that might offend you to

I can’t argue with illiterate people! 😁

Yes, where do you start?