Was DP’s comment to waiter ‘encouraging’ or crass?

[Janeywestblue]

We had a lovely meal at our local earlier. Our waiter was someone we hadn’t seen before and he told us he was on his first shift when he came over to take our drinks order. DP commented to him ‘I bet your arse is twitching like a rabbit’s nose’ to which he sort of awkwardly/politely laughed. I told DP off and he said the waiter would appreciate him breaking the ice and having a laugh with him.

I disagree and thought it was crass. AIBU?

He’s an idiot. And for all he knew just because it was his first shift there doesn’t mean it’s his first waiting job.

I hate vulgar men, they’re a total turn off.

In that highbrow comedy Benidorm a female character says "my auntie Mary is twitching like a rabbit's nose", which is funny in the context on the programme. A real life comment about an arse hole in a pub/restaurant setting not so much.

Squeaky bum time is a football reference meant to refer to the squeaky noise a wriggling bum makes on the seats during a tense time. The rabbits nose reference I assume has come from that, meaning your bum is twitching with nervousness

What is with the classism on this thread?!

Vulgarity has nothing to do with class! Snobbery, however... Definitely correlation there from the look of it.

I get this. 🙈
If I get a sharp pang or fear - e.g. standing near the edge of a tall building - my anus will spasm! I have the same reaction If I see anyone falling from a great height on a film, or a video of someone getting hurt. Sometimes the spasm involves the vagina.

I didn’t even realise this was weird or unusual until this moment! 😅

And I’ve never heard this before compared to a rabbit’s nose twitching, but it actually paints quite an accurate picture!

Needless to say, a horrible comment to a waiter.

I assume since the waiter and dp most likely live in the same area its likely he's heard it before

Grim. Just grim.

Thanks all - I feel vindicated to have raised this.

I think it falls short of a need for poultry alignment, but I’ll be sure to get the details of my local SHL just incase.

Just because it’s commonly used within your demographic doesn’t make it okay or appropriate. I’m aware when you’re constantly surrounded by classless people remarks about other people’s arseholes can appear mild and throwaway, however can you really not see there are countless more appropriate responses to “Hello I’ll be your waiter tonight, it’s my first shift” to be used over the dinner table ?

husband sounds like a dickhead

Ew, crude. Also, what??

I'm female and have worked as a restaurant waiter.

I've had all kinds of vile comments thrown at me, usually by ''men''.

DP is a prick, and you can tell him that from me!

Absolutely despicable comment..

The waiter didn't deserve that.

Beyond crass-regardless of social class or region.

What a load of old bollocks. Most people, yes even those in a “lower SE group,” know how to behave appropriately when talking to strangers.

Within my demographic? Classless people? That snobbery and insinuation is insulting.
I am actually middle class, live in and am from an affluent area. I didn't say it was the most appropriate comment he could make, I merely described where the saying came from and that in the North is is a well known phrase, and asked why it was a red flag. A red flag is an early warning sign that indicates unhealthy, manipulative, or potentially toxic behavior, I wouldn't say an ill thought comment is a red flag.

I'm suprised at how many people have never heard this phrase or similar and are choosing to be offended by it. I think it was even used a couple of times in the royle family. Its only the equivalent of saying I bet you're so nervous.

It is quite a normal reaction, most feel it, but I've never heard anyone suggest that somebody else's anus (never mind vagina), might be twitching.

It's crass but at least he isn't the type to just say things like that to a woman, as so many men are!

This is obviously a wind up post written by a bloke. No woman would even have to ask this question.

It wasn't encouraging at all, OP. That would be saying "ahh I'm sure you'll be great!" Instead he made a weird, crass comment. I wouldn't even know what he meant so the "joke" would be completely lost on me

How do you know that?

I think some people can pull off this sort of humour. I know a few such people. I personally wouldn't come out with something like that, but I would chuckle and not think any more of it if someone said it to me.

I'm more confused than ever, what does 'poultry alignment' mean? I will google SHL.
I have - Sexual Health London. Still confused.

Many yonks ago I did some waitressing as a student. So many inappropriate or "funny" comments. Always from a self important man who obviously considered themselves extremely witty. Wankers.