AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

Disgusting lazy piece of trash. Yuck. Ditch him.

WTF inside you - whats wrong with him!

Wow not heard of stealthing before. Thanks. Got me thinking. I’ll take a pregnancy test at lunchtime and find out about the local STD clinic. I won’t be seeing him again.

Not remotely normal. You need a pregnancy test, STI test and a much nicer new boyfriend OP.

Jeez, that's grim! Nothing can excuse that behaviour from him, I'm afraid, and you don't have to accept it, nor get into the situation where you might have to deal with it.

Sorry OP, I think you already know that that is completely gross and unacceptable. And probably illustrative of a man who is inconsiderate in other areas of life.

You don't deserve this.

Unfortunately, nice boyfriends who don’t live 3 hours away don’t seem to exist.

No reason just to choose any old scum bag just to have a boyfriend. Make your standards higher.

I think you should make an appointment for a full screen at the GUM clinic.

Dump the bloke, he either is thick as fuck or he's doing it deliberately.

That's no reason to have sex with men who act like this and you can't even say the basics to pull them up on it. I know you say you've not much experience, but you're a long way into adulthood and I'm shocked that you've let this get so far. Ditch this guy, don't shag anyone who you can't classify as nice no matter where they live, and get over not talking about condom etiquette. It's way too important.

The first time it happened I assumed he’d just lost his erection and that caused the condom to come off.

He doesn’t clean himself afterwards or maybe he does when he to the loo.

I’ve not been to his place.

He must be using the wrong size condoms if they're coming off and being left up inside you?! That's not normal at all. And leaving it in the bed is rank?! I've never ever met any man, including teen boys who would do that.

At worst it might just get tied up and thrown on the floor, then retrieved the next morning. But only if it was in his own house. Even that is not what I'd expect from a middle aged man!

I'm not sure why he's doing this? Unless he's just clueless about condom use due to having not used one for decades? It seems odd and I'd be really turned off.

Leaving the condom inside me only happened twice. The first time I thought it was an accident. I did mention it this time. He didn’t say anything just replied with 😬

How are you still sleeping with him? My fanny just clamped shut.

He's gross.

I will go to a clinic.

Now it’s been mentioned I wonder if he is trying to get me pregnant. He is obsessed with his son and won’t be seeing so much soon so wonder if he wants a replacement. He’ll be disappointed anyway as I have a coil (assuming it’s still in situ).

That is so grim.
He is scum.
Get a dildo.

I’ve only slept with him 3 or 4 times.

I have a dildo…

To be honest I'd just put him in the bin.

That's disgusting.

I’m old, fat and ugly. If I raise my standards I might as well buy cats and wear purple.

Better to be on your own, wearing purple, and owning a menagerie of cats, than be with someone like this.

DUMP THIS MAN

@Slv199

I'd no idea what stealthing was.

For you:

Stealthing is the act of a sexual partner intentionally removing a condom during sex without the other person's knowledge or consent, or lying about using one when consent was given only for protected sex.

Why It Is Serious
Legal Classification: Because consent is conditional upon the use of a condom, removing it violates that agreement. In many jurisdictions, including the UK, this act is classified as sexual assault or rape.
Health Risks: It violates personal autonomy and exposes the victim to grave physical risks, including sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancy.
Psychological Impact: It is a severe breach of trust that can leave victims feeling violated, traumatized, and powerless.

This just gets worse. You've only slept with him 3 or 4 times. Two of those times he left the condom inside you and at least one other time he left it in the bed. I'm assuming he's not putting the condoms on properly if they're coming off during sex, either that or he's buying himself XL out of embarrassment at having a small dick and they don't fit? Whatever the reason, as others have said he's gross. Prioritise the GUM visit and pregnancy test.

tell him you think you might be pregnant, see how he reacts