AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

I’m sorry this happened to you. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. He is gross. Imagine waking up in the morning, removing your sanitary towel and leaving it in the bed. That’s what he has essentially done. Looking back, does he have other unfavourable habits?

This! Surely you change the bedding.

I get that OP. There are some very bossy boots people on here that come across like the smug marrieds in Bridget Jones.

But with the wisdom of the ages and huge amounts of therapy I do agree with their conclusions if not the patronising and hectoring way they’re expressing themselves. It’s hideous to be lonely and it’s normal to want sex when you’re a youngish person (and frankly an older person too!).

However it will make you feel lonelier and worse in the long run to go out with deadbeats. And I don’t think there’s a correlation between having a conversation about your expectations about behaviours with decent men and them dumping you. Pieces of shit might but then that’s no loss.

If I was dating now and I’m not ruling it out longer term (just coming out of a shitty marriage myself) I wouldn’t bother with someone who couldn’t have an adult conversation about important things like this. Because if they’re a child in an adult’s body they’re no use to me.

Babe you don’t need to keep responding and defending yourself, I made this mistake recently following a (completely different) traumatic situation and some of the responses here were so upsetting I was having nightmares about the situation afterwards and made a distress call to my gp.
none of what you’ve done is wrong or strange, I met a lot of pigs dating again when I got divorced, plus heard a hell of a lot of horrible stories.
some men are just pigs and sly and deceitful and will do whatever it takes to get what they want.
we don’t always recognise every single red flag unless we’ve experienced it or been told to watch out for it etc, the levels of deception around sex, money, getting their feet under the table etc are shocking, i always think I’ve seen / heard it all and then something new comes up.
one of us do accept less because of loneliness or multiple other reasons, hopefully if we are lucky we learn from this, and gird our loins and armour up appropriately and are more careful next time.
youve gone into so much detail and intimate detail here, you dont need to , these people are also being abusive by ripping into you this way, victim blaming is incredibly harmful and can often make people more vulnerable, not less. You’ve done everything right and no doubt learned a lot from this situation and from some of the advice on here , take care of yourself and don’t take any blame, you were inexperienced in this area, I’m not sure many women make a point of watching the condom removal and disposal thereof, I’m sure most would assume that an adult man would be able to deal with it without supervision.
if they feel a need to observe for safety then that man is unlikely to be a trustworthy person in the first place

Oh, the disingenuity. I'm not wasting any more keystrokes on you.

OP hope you're okay. You clearly have a very low opinion of yourself which is sad. This man isn't helping you with that, he doesn't sound very respectful of you at all. The best thing you could do is dump him. There are some lovely, respectful, kind men amongst the grubby ones on these dating sites, please don't settle for this man.If he's doing this now. so early on, he's only going to get worse.

What in God’s name do you see in this disgusting piece of shit? Dump him please.

It is TOTALLY different to having sex without a condom. Once exposed to air the contents are dead,

Well then, it ok right?