AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

Do you have low self esteem? His behaviour is disgusting - and unhygienic. Who wants to move around in a bed with a runny condom? As for leaving them inside you - just no. There are decent men out there - why are you putting up with this arse?

My cat is an absolute bastard but I'd rather have a dozen of him in place of this specimen of manhood.

Lesson for you somewhere in all this op. Take care x

Ahh I didn’t know it, I’m quite partial to a bit of purple so was worried there. Dump him. There’s a total lack of respect to leave it in your bed let alone your body and I can’t shake the thought that him doing something so blatantly unacceptable, he wants you to know that he doesn’t respect you.

Jesus, in the bed is so grim, and inside you is horrific. Who are these awful men??

Every single man I,'ve ever had condom-involved sex with has held it in place over his penis after he's come, then carefully removed it, and disposed of it with tissues in a bin. And I am talking double figures men and hundreds of times. Anything else would be repulsive.

Thank you. Scaring me is really helpful.

As a wrinkly, fat, genuinely old (60s) purple wearing, cat owner, I still manage to have a nice considerate sexual partner, who wouldn't dream of behaving like your scuzzy boyfriend. Definitely aim higher than this OP!

I can't believe this response! Stay on your own then, it's better than being treated like this.

Pleas don’t be scared OP. Of course it’s worth getting checked over for everything possible, but HIV is still low esp among straight couples with no drug history in this country. People are just being dramatic.

Is this for real?!
You do know its also your responsibility as well to ensure their proper use in order to prevent STIs and pregnancy??
He should keep hold of ot round the base of his penis when he withdraws to ensure nothing leaks out!
Only a skank would not wrap it in some tissue then throw it in the bin

This is horrible and the fact that you have raised this with him and he's continued to do it shows a lack of basic respect for you, responsibility for your health and yes a breach of your consent.
I'd far rather be alone that with someone like this. Definitely get rid of him.
You'll find someone but don't be scared to be alone, do nice things for you and get strong and assertive so that next time you meet someone you can act in your best interests and tell them to do one if they cross your boundaries.

how can you talk to your own kids about safe sex if you are so flippant about your own sex life!

As everybody else already said, condom in bed: yes, gross.
^inside you"? that's a whole other level of not acceptable.

I said it, as someone who has been on my own for eighteen years. It's infinitely preferable than being disrespected and abused.

You should be scared. You also need to raise the bar.
Why do women sleep with guys they hardly know who treat them like semen receptacles..he shows massive disrespect and you go back for more.. Are you that desperate? I’m over 70 , overweight now, had 3 strokes, divorced twice and have a better man than that. I learned years ago not to trust dating sites, though.

It sounds like your self esteem is quite low, @Slv199 and it’s hard to make good decisions when that is the case.

Obviously pregnancy test and std clinic are the priority here, but is there something you could do just for yourself?

When I was low, a very kind mnetter explained to me that building boundaries (what I had asked about) starts with finding moments to be kind to myself. I’ve forgotten her username, but I have often thought of her because it was exactly what I needed to hear to turn my life around, starting with a cup of tea. Once I got used to being treated well by myself, I developed quite the intolerance of other people trying to treat me badly.

When you say leaving them inside you.. are they full? Are they still in the same position? Or bunched up as if he's taken them off, left them in and kept going?

I’m hearing tough love. Being a cat lady beats this.

Cats are infinitely preferable to this man. He is utterly grim.

Men shag dead people and animals, you can raise your standards, you'll still be fuckable

How do you even mistakenly leave a condom inside someone? Multiple times? It’s the equivalent of throwing litter on the floor and saying you didn’t realise.

It’s either on purpose either for sinister reasons or he has so little respect he thinks he can literally dispose of his used condom in you. And disrespecting your home to leave a slimy condom lying in your bed. Who tf does that

Well isn’t that great for you that you’ve found someone who reaches your bar. I’m just a sad loser who’ll sleep with anyone who shows her any interest and I deserve everything I get.

That's an odd reasoning,

but as most men are not complete freak, why not upping your standards and only have relationships with decent ones 😂

And it's happened twice

he's repellent. dump dump dump dump dump.

But the purple wearing lady in the poem was planning on having a rare old time. Nothing to fear in her imagined future 😉🧓

So out of the 3 or 4 times you've had sex with this man hes left a condom inside of you twice. Thats not an accident thats a purposeful act (unless he has a micro penis that is too small to keep them on).