AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

This man isn’t around my children. They have never met each other and never will. He’s only been in the house when they aren’t here.

Well twice after I’ve had sex I’ve been to the toilet and wiped myself and there they are. He’s not made sure it’s still on his dick when he’s withdrawn.

That’s not the case here. He was fine when we were first together. We got on really well and messaged for hours. It’s only more recently since we’ve been having sex it’s been an issue and I will be ending it. I won’t be rushing into something with anyone else.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Once could be excused as an accident but twice seems to be more intentional. Don’t let this put you off meeting other men.

I thought I was being safe, insisting he wore a condom. It appears that’s not enough. You need to be vigilant the whole time you are having sex in case he takes it off.

I apologise to the person with the UTI advice, I will heed it in future. Humour is my defence mechanism and I felt I needed it today.

I doubt I’ll have sex again anyway. I’m getting a bit old for it and I don’t think I’ll want to do it anytime in the near future.

It won’t put me off meeting other men only having sex with them.

I thought I was having safe sex. I’m using a condom and a coil. I foolishly didn’t expect the condom to be removed/come off during sex. I didn’t know that was a thing.

I’ll be sure to tell my son and daughter that you can get UTIs from sex. I will also ensure that my daughter knows about stealthing and my son knows about the correct disposal of condoms.

I never said that I did.

I don't. It's the name-calling I think is objectionable, as I think you are perfectly well aware. Calling someone naive, asking if they're 15, telling them to grow up and criticising their parenting isn't 'commenting about safe sex'.

Well it's how I met my DH when I was old and fat and ugly and had no friends!

I just started taking a tent on my own. Soon met loads of people and had lots of fun. Met him about 3 years into it.

OP has a wicked sense of humour, and is more likely to find like-minded folk somewhere like that.

Good luck OP!

Sorry you are getting such a hard time with these vile responses OP.
You haven’t done anything wrong and you are getting rid of the loser.
I really hope that you meet a good guy soon who will treat you well 💐

Im
sorry but you need to get a grip with these comments in response. It is common sense that he is doing the wrong thing and shouldn’t be behaving this way and whether you were fat, thin, ugly, the most beautiful person on earth you still don’t allow men to treat you this way. Put some love, effort and self worth back into yourself instead of pity and work on you before sleeping with rats

I beg your finest pardon!
He leaves it inside you and rolls over to sleep without a word?
That's unhinged behaviour
I've had a condom come off during sex and end up in me and the first thing that happened when he realised it was missing is he tried (and thankfully succeeded) to fish it straight back out

Throw him right on back. Not binning it and leaving it to dry into your sheets was bad enough but to just not care where the hell its gone........ dude needs to stay single

Please OP, I am begging you, to not tell yourself this is your fault in any way, and to believe in yourself. You’ve had a really hard time. I’ve been married for almost 30 years and don’t even want to imagine what it’s like on the dating scene these days. You’ve had a really bad experience but hopefully it’s a near miss and you can move onwards and upwards. I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Ew, that’s the term ‘cum dumpster’ made real. I’d suggest you don’t have sex again until you educate yourself on what’s normal!

Nope that's true!
Also I never trust men and condoms. Will always put them on and check that they are still on, during sex and that they are still on during withdrawal. Important stuff

What a rude comment to a kind poster who was actually helping you by giving you facts. It's not their fault you don't understand sexual health.

I have been reading your replies only but stopped at this one. Even before then your attitude has shone through.

If you read on I apologised to the UTI poster and thanked them for their advice.

I hope no-one judges you on comments you’ve made after you’ve just found out something deeply traumatic has happened to you.

Until now I'd never thought about condom etiquette. I guess I just expected that it didn't need to be spelled out to a bloke. Men never fail to disappoint.

Absolutely

Name calling?

I think we need to agree to disagree because if someone is as naive as the OP at her age and with teen / preteen children then I 100% stand by my concerns that she shouldn't be having sex if she cannot do so safely.

I don't recall making any, but if I did I would have apologised as you have done. I just couldn't read more as it felt like you were being sarcastic to everyone. I'm glad you apologised to that poster.

ETA - the guy was completely out of order and no one leaves used condoms lying around.

Your communication is not solid enough to be having sex with this person.
Or are you under a drug or asleep?

Concern for your own health should mean that, if you notice he is not disposing of the condom, you remove it, tie it and bin it. Speak up about what you expect.

I’d hope you are changing the sheets after you’ve had sex in your bed knowing your teenage children sleep in the bed too sometimes. So surely you’d find the condom then.

Glad someone raised about urinating after sex, I always make sure I do that now, and want to clear myself up a bit. Glad you’ve decided to dump him, pretty gross of him not even caring what happens to the condom.