AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

Preferable, imo.

Yes, that’s right. I have no self respect. I let him do it.

I think that PP was saying HE was doing it purposefully, not that you were allowing it.

What? 🤢

He's treating you, your vagina and your bed like a wastebin.

Which is, objectively, much worse than cats and purple.

..,,something is feeling a bit “off”

I didn't say that.
My judgement is levelled at him the rapist not you his victim.
Please speak to someone about what HE has done to you, this is not your fault

Gosh you're getting a hard time on here. I'd bin him off tbh because I'd see it as he thinks it's below him to dispose of a condom. Either by leaving it in your bed or inside you. A gross misogyny.

You could talk to him but if he's got to his age and thinks its acceptable I wouldn't hold out much hope tbh.

I can’t work out the logistics here. I used condoms for years and years but I’d feel it inside of me? And surely any man would feel it come off? Anyway, super gross and confusing and you obviously need to be done with this.

I am old, love my cat and wear purple. Also have a partner that treats me with love and respect.

Can't work out if you are being facetious Op or truly believe some of the stuff you are writing about yourself.

I've never in my life had a sexual partner who hasn't disposed of the condom once done. Urgh. That would be one and done for me!

A dating group for single parents is screaming red flags. Lots of men target single mothers for bad reasons.
Some think the women are desperate and shit men will be in with a chance, some will prey on them to gain access to their children. Some will think the woman will be keen to move him in and provide accommodation, sex and food for him.

The happiest section of society by far, from several studies, are childfree, single women. Enjoy the utter bliss of being rid of males. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

That's so disgusting and disrespectful.

Getting rid of this boyfriend is just the first step. Next up, I'd address the attitude that you have to put up with slimy men or become celibate (and apparently celibacy is a fate worse than death). Being self-pitying won't help anything. Would you honestly rather put up with a man who'd leave a condom inside you than not have a boyfriend for a while? That just seems incredibly disrespectful.

If he's great in other ways, maybe you could educate him in the ways of being a decent man (clean up after himself). Unfortunately, it sounds like he's probably not so great, since you're tearing yourself down by essentially saying you can't find anyone nice. In that case, I'd start investing in purple clothes and cats 🙄, because honestly, it would preferable.

💯

If they come off inside of inside you and he’s bigger than your ex then he’s going soft and it’s coming off I’d guess.
I’d be worried about std’s ~ at least you have the coil so pregnancy isn’t such a worry. Why is he doing this? Have you asked him to stop or I’d move once the action is over! It sounds more a fwb type situation?
He’s being disrespectful, you are worth more than this.

This was my thoughts.

I doubt very much that you are old, fat and ugly. It's just been a long time since you dated and you sound like you lack self confidence in this area.

He, on the other hand, sounds like a horror show. Look after yourself, get tested, and throw this one back.

And remember for next time this behaviour is abnormal and disresptful at best.

I’ve never come across that behaviour. Join a normal dating site like POF and set your standards really high.

as an aside I read an article last week basically saying that more and more young people(women) really can’t be bothered with dating. Well I’m not surprised when I read this stuff. Surely even a porn sites shows a bloke how to dispose of a condom. I’ve never even had to mention it to my partners. It’s been wrapped amd put in the bin.

Definitely get tested quickly so you can use PREP if advised ...it's just yucky and awful behaviour from a sexual partner

Id expect them in the bathroom bin. Knew a guy who flushed them but id prefer they dont because of the pipes

In the bed is disgusting. Inside you is a pregnacy and STI risk and if he was doing that and not telling you id dump him

You'd be a damn sight better off if you did.
Possibly unintentionally, you are giving every indication of settling for the first geezer who showed interest, as though a boyfriend were an absolute necessity so one must take what one can get.

This is the most lazy, grim thing I have read on here, and that’s saying something. That would be the first and last time I had sex with him!!

Thank you. I came on here for some friendly advise not to be made to feel guilty about sleeping with someone. Or made to feel an idiot because I don’t know what is normal.

Thanks to everyone for the constructive advice. I will take a pregnancy test or more than one if necessary. I’ll visit the local sexual health clinic. I won’t be seeing or sleeping with him again.

It can be very difficult being on your own and very lonely. It’s easy to be flattered by someone who pays you attention. I obviously didn’t think it was OK to leave condoms lying around. I thought that the ones that were left inside me were an accident. Now I know about stelthing I’m not so sure. Putting that with some other behaviours I suspect he might have been trying to get me pregnant.

I will be careful who I sleep with in future. If indeed I sleep with anyone.

These men in particular target single mums in poor areas, provide them with money, trips, and holidays, show them affection and love, and treat them better than their exes, sometimes than their family has ever treated them.

All for access to their children, they are left grieving the life they thought they had found and the guilt of what has happened to their children when it all comes crashing down or sometimes staying and losing their children.

The men are the very lowest of the very low. Just pure evil!