AIBU to expect proper condom disposal and not being left inside me?

[Slv199]

I was with my exH for over 20 years and I’ve not had many sexual partners. I’m not sure about “condom etiquette” and it’s something not talked about.

My exH would always take the condom off and throw it in the bathroom bin. This is what I expect.

I’ve found my new partner just leaves it in the bed, which is gross and I worry my kids might find them. On other occasions I’ve found them inside me the next time I’ve gone to the loo. Which obviously leaves me worried I might get pregnant.

As I don’t have much experience I wondered what others think. AIBU to expect him to put the condom in the bin? Or at least tell me where he left it and definitely not leave it inside me!

If you are not even able to have a conversation with him about this, why are you having sex with him?

Surely to goodness it didn't take Mumsnet to point out the high risk of pregnancy and STD?

Why on earth would him not using the bin be the most pressing issue here???

Cats and wearing purple vs a gross fucker who leaves condoms for your kids to find or inside you when you’ve only slept together 4 times?

I choose cats and purple. I’d even rather a purple cat. I’d call her Purrrrple.

Anyway I don’t care if you look like how my great aunt Tabitha’s bedsores smelt, you can do fucking better than this.

How on earth can he 'leave it inside you'?
That's not accidental - it is intentional ..... & it is abuse.
Get rid.

Sweetie, you shouldn't be having sex with someone you can't have this conversation with

You are NOT old fat and ugly. .
You can't be old if there a risk of pregnancy.
You have kids so clearly you have the body that creates kids. Like most of us I would hazard a guess this means you have an apron of jiggly fat and a body that has some stretch marks and lots of cellulite. Who cares? That body also gave you your children and just cos you're weathered and not a size whatever has no bearing at all on not being attractive.
ugly - in the eyes of the beholder. The ugliest people I know are deemed attractive by society. Plus lots of people think 'pretty' = skinny. Not the case - lots of skinny people don't have pretty faces.
This man does not deserve you. Do not accept shitty behaviour. You don't owe him anything - espiecially not sex.
Id bet anything he didn't make you orgasm three times and call you fucking gorgeous during sex. Don't accept anything less.

When he leaves them in you he is literally treating you like a bin. Like a mere convenience. I’m with the others, OP - get rid.

I love this. Great affirmation! Thank you

Babe, I don't care if you're jabba the hut, you most definitely can do better than a man who treats your vagina as a bin.

This is not ok at all.

Only twice?! It shouldn't happen once! If the condom is inside you then it hasn't protected you against anything.

Having a fuckton of cats would be a vast upgrade to your current situation. Don't leave your condom in me, leaving me open to pregnancy and STDs or dumping it in the bed like my home is your personal rubbish bin. is the most basic of standards

all this

I know the poem you refer to ‘When I am old I shall wear purple’. It’s about looking forward to a time when you can live to please yourself and not conform to what’s expected of you, not some hideous old age to dread reaching!

By the way stealthing makes it sound a bit cheeky. In law, if that is what he’s doing, it’s actually rape.

This is not about condom etiquette, this is about why in god’s name have you not dumped him. Ewwww! I’d have the permanent ick. He sees you as a disposal unit.

Beyond gross, and by that, I mean him!

In the moment of withdrawal usually someone has to make sure condom comes out still attached. Who is best placed to do this can be position dependent. I vaguely recall agreeing this with words or a gesture with new partners until there was an established custom. Otherwise we would both be attempting to do it!

I'd also come off any dating site/app that had 'for single parents' anywhere within it's title/manifesto.
Edited for typo

He should know what size and brand of condoms work for him. They’re all slightly different and men who give a shit about the sexual health have a good idea which ones fit them properly.

He’s either deliberately not pulling out before going soft, wearing the wrong size condom or stealthing.

Well, Jenny, at least your cats won’t leave jizzy condoms in your bed 🤭😉

Disgusting. He should take them off himself when he's finished, and dispose of them. This behaviour is completely enough to end things with this man. He sounds awful.

Also, if the open end of the condom is inside you, you are absolutely not protected against pregnancy or STDs.

All of this.

Also when you go for the STI test make sure they do throat swabs if you have him oral.

its not always done as standard but oral STIs like gonorrhea are on the rise because they’re often absolutely symptomless.

Yes all of this. Maybe you are old fat and ugly or maybe it’s in your head, but it’s irrelevant. If you look around you, many people with those attributes are in relationships and most of them will be getting treated far better than this. In fact I’d venture to say most people in Britain are ugly and many if not most are fat, so it’s neither here nor there.

I know you have said you won’t see him again so I think other posters are laying it on a bit thick by giving you a kicking over this.

It’s also very easy for posters to say “well being alone would be better than that” when they themselves aren’t desperately lonely. Loneliness does affect our judgement. Be kind to yourself, OP. You deserve kindness, respect, happiness and -yes - romantic love instead of cats and purple, if that’s what you want.

This is classified as rape. You haven't given consent. I do not understand how you are minimising this in your head.

Do you know that HIV has increased by 27% over the past 10 years?
https://nat.org.uk/about-hiv/hiv-statistics/

This is disgusting behaviour. Frankly I'd prefer the cats and wear purple.