to think it’s inconsiderate to leave a lifetime of clutter for your kids to deal with when you die?

[wirey]

My parents are in their 70s, both in good health, fully capable, still active. This isn’t about illness, frailty or anything like that.

They have a 5-bedroom house absolutely rammed with stuff. I’m talking decades of things such as old paperwork, clothes, random items, things they haven’t used in years (some of it honestly feels like it’s been there 30–40 years untouched).

I’ve gently raised it a few times and offered to help them sort through it. Not in a pushy way, just suggesting we could do a bit at a time. Every time the response is basically “you can deal with it when we’re gone.”

I find that really unfair. It’s not even about the physical effort (although that will be huge), it’s the emotional side too. Having to go through a whole house of someone else’s lifetime possessions while grieving is a lot. Plus trying to work out what’s important, what isn’t, what can be thrown away without guilt.
I get that it’s their house and their stuff, and they can live how they want. I’m not trying to control that. But equally, it feels like they’re knowingly leaving a massive job for someone else when they don’t have to.

I’m not expecting minimalism or a spotless house, just a bit of consideration in not leaving everything untouched for decades and then handing it over as a problem later.

AIBU to think that’s selfish?

I have reduced my own possessions by 75% as not to leave a mess behind for DH and my DC.

One person's clutter is another person's life. Your parents maybe like the familiar clutter around them if it's full of memories and it's their life. Or maybe they just feel comfortable living like that. IME it's not the clutter that's the issue - it's the day to day things like their clothes that are so hard to deal with. And they can't get rid of those as they need them. Most documents are no longer relevant when someone is gone and can go to be shredded. I was wondering if you have any siblings as one issue is siblings falling out over who wants what rather than worrying about how much to deal with. The clutter is the easy part - the hard part is all the necessary living things they use day to day like kitchen equipment, clothes, towels, bedding - that kind of thing. But also these days - digital stuff.

I think that is something I'm going to start dealing with - tidying my digital life. I mean who needs to go through a computer with years of documents, trying to find something important or having to read through everything, or sort out decades of photo files? My photo files are a mess. I have umpteen hard drives with computer backups on. Which all need securely destroying by someone who might not realise. Now obviously my personal details on drives aren't an issue if I'm gone, but they may contain other family personal details as well.

The whole digital clean up is quite a big thing I think.

So I don't think your parents are being selfish, I think they are enjoying their lives and not thinking about dying yet. Between now and then there can be a lot of issues, like them needing help or care. These things will happen at the right time. When they find it too hard to get to the loft they will decide to clear the loft. The chances of both of them going suddenly at the same time are not that high. It sounds like they are not ready to think about changing anything. Habit and routine is important as you get older. And they are probably wondering why you want to interfere in how they live (sorry). They brought you up and sacrificed things - let them enjoy their old age how they want.