AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

[Laulau3]

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

But the thing is these people are saying they wouldn't be offended which is their right. The O.P obviously is offended that is her right. But surely this is not the first time her husband has made this type of joke? If not what's different now?

I hate these types of threads anyway. Would an o.p suddenly start laughing if the majority of people say it's a joke?

What are you actually upset about OP - the nature of the joke itself? Or the fact that he made any kind of joke?

Is it that you feel he didn't appreciate that you were shaken up, even though you were "OK"?

FWIW, I think it's quite a funny joke (but I appreciate it's not everyone's sense of humour) - but I suspect the timing of it meant that it landed particularly badly, even if you wouldn't normally mind bawdy humour. I've had someone go into my car a couple of times over the years and even if you aren't physically hurt, I always find that I feel a bit shaken by the incident.

Maybe you just wanted a bit more sympathy before he launched into his comedy routine?

Hope the car's not too badly damaged, it's a PITA to sort out repairs.

You weren't in a car crash. Someone rear ended you. You were OK. Your husband checked you were OK first, and then made a joke.

Your senses of humour are clearly mismatched, but that's something you need to think about and work on, if you think it's worth it.

@LunchatthePriorythat he meant it in a rapey manner. I thought that would be pretty clear 🙄

Or be a grown up and have a conversation and not deliver this ramble which helps no one.

People saying dramatic ..when this man decided to express a wish to carry out a violent sex act on her in relation to a car accident. (He says smash) Oh ha ha ..I wonder where the tolerance for male sexual violence begins? It’s here in the it’s a joke or banter crowd. That his brain went there says it all

How is a whinge about something sexual he wants to do relevant to comforting a friend who’s had a car accident? Would he have said to his mate Steve ..well I heard you always wanted anal sex? Nope ..it’s demeaning speech

This is completely off the subject, but your comment has just reminded me of a comic/cartoon that I read that was describing the act of sex.

I can't remember where I saw it, but it basically said, "I like you so much I'd like to slam my hardened limb into you repeatedly."

It was just an interesting description that made me stop and think just how violent an act penetrative sex is, intrinsically.

What a horrible joke. I can totally imagine my ex-h making this joke in this scenario. Grim. But I’m guessing it’s not out of character for him?

Jesus. I wouldn’t be with a man who would make this kind of ‘joke’, OP, though I’m presuming it didn’t come out of the blue for you? Pretty grim in any case - it’s a joke about trying to persuade a woman into a sex act she doesn’t want to do, using fairly violent imagery. I’m staggered that so many here are defending it.

Clearly not a problem for the husband

Definitely still doing well in the late 1990s.

He was good at presenting what they call stand-up comedy. Yes, full of dirty stuff and “generalisations” about demographic groups.

I wonder if you’ve seen or heard him much.

Why do men do this shit seriously? Why does everything in the entire world have to be a crude joke no matter the situation? I wouldn't like that joke in any situation tbh I'd be getting rid of a man that made jokes like that.

It's not funny.
Is that your H's normal level of conversation because he sounds like a neanderthal.
And it was even more tone deaf and inappropriate given your car accident.

Why some pp think OP is being uptght i fail to understand.

Yes, horrible misogynistic violent.

What did he mean then?

Someone brought up Bernard Manning.

There have been more offensive and less funny acts than old Bernard.

She should have said Jim Davidson!

Yuck. I wouldn't be offended but I would immediately get the ick.

That's an absolutely horrible remark. Jesus, what a prince. I can't conceive of what goes on in the male brain sometimes, but it's no way to talk to a woman, ever. Are women meant to feel guilty because they don't enjoy AS and that men only tolerate PIV sex as a poor substitute? No wonder so many young women are choosing to stay single.

He was definitely fat and ugly!

I would have laughed at him not with him

I answered someone else. Its just slang for having anal sex

That's fucking hilarious I'd have pissed myself laughing 😃

You must be easily amused 😂

Its a dam site easier than being permanently offended

I'd have laughed too

So would i