AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

[Laulau3]

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

Oh, yeah!

That man has copious amount of rizz.
His swagger in Blacklist was even impressive.

agreed!

His hottest role was definitely his character in Secretary 🔥

It absolutely IS a joke. It might be disgusting, inappropriate, cruel, unacceptable, lazy and any number of other negative things, but that doesn't mean it's not a joke. It's literally been in (bad) stand-up routines. A joke doesn't stop being a joke simply because not everyone in the room finds it funny.

I'm not saying it's OK and I'm not saying the OP is wrong to hate it, but it's certainly still a joke.

Agreed. He was perfection.

I think it’s a bit insensitive given you were in shock but the joking at least means he’s not freaking out and getting annoyed. For perspective, a woman (who had a toddler with her) went into the back of me several years ago and when I got out to see the damage, she was crying and saying over and over again, “My husband is going to kill me. He’s going to be so angry. Oh my god - he’s going to be so angry.” I’d certainly rather have a stupid joke from a man who can cope with some car damage than have one who’s going to raise the roof when he finds out.

It absolutely IS a joke

Surely a joke is meant to be something humorous, to make somebody laugh?

This is not in any way humorous.

Just because a certain type of person says it and labels it ' a joke" doesn't make it one.

It's a vindictive misogynistic statement.

Really not a big deal. Chill out.

What a horrible turn of phrase. Your DH sounds crass and immature. I hope you’re ok, OP.

I think there is a far larger unintelligent and trashy element on MN than I ever thought. Who have a puerile sense of humour and a very low bar when it comes to men.

A kind of Dunning-Kruger take on misogyny.

So those of who have a sense of humour, can enjoy a joke for what it is have a purile sense of humour and a low bar when it comes to men....................... of course why didn't I think of that!

I will go and do some more revision I might be able to get GCSE in Maths if I try hard!

This thread clearly delineates between two very different kinds of people. That's exactly the kind of joke my DH would make and I'd laugh my tits off 😂 some of what he's said to me in the past would make people's toes curl but he knows it makes me laugh because I'm not a delicate little flower

For the avoidance of doubt, I’m not a delicate little flower either….

Horrible comment, is is usually this crass?

For me, the "time and place" for men to joke about sexual coercion of women and then pull out the well-worn "just a joke bro" line when challenged (1) never and nowhere - or if that's impossible then (2) after sexual equality is achieved and the rate of VAWG as well as the normalisation and trivialisation of the problem has radically declined.

In any case, it's not a successful joke if only one of you finds it even remotely funny. Why so important for him to defend it?

Same. I am resilient and hardy and can have a dark sense of humour and laugh a lot at intelligent humour. Misogynist violent sexual jokes are just not my bag.

I think if you dismiss women as 'unintelligent and trashy' for having a different opinion to yours, you are in no position to accuse anyone else of misogyny.

Surely a joke is meant to be something humorous, to make somebody laugh?
This is not in any way humorous.

Presumably you understand that humour is completely subjective, though?

You didn't find it funny - and that is totally understandable. But lots of people on the thread have said they do find it funny. The fact that you personally don't find it funny doesn't mean it was a sincere declaration by the person who said it.

A joke doesn't stop being a joke because some people find it horrible, disturbing and offensive. A joke doesn't have to be universally enjoyed.

The fact that it is a joke doesn't necessarily excuse it, or mean nobody is allowed to be offended by it. And finding it unfunny doesn't mean someone is a prude or uptight. But it is, nonetheless, a joke, and it doesn't cease to be one just because it doesn't appeal to your particular sense of humour.

It's not a joke. It 's a statement.

Do the people on the thread find it funny because they think OP's partner having a dig at her about not wanting anal sex hilarious? I don't.
Just because you are trying to convince
me that it is joke doesn't make it a joke.

The fact that apparently other pp chose to laugh at this offensive statement doesn't make it a joke either.

It still remains OP's partner having an offensive dig at her. And having an offensive dig at her when she has just had a car accident. Which tells you a lot about the man doesn't it? And actually about the pp who think it's funny.

No one actually knows if he was having a dig or not. That is pure speculation, from a position of default assumption that all men are after anal sex. There may well never have been any conversation about it. And yet still the person in the car behind has had more 'luck' because OP's husband has never approached the subject.

You can frame it as misogyny if you are a misandrist. Or you can frame it as a bad taste humour from someone who was trying to lighten the mood and got it wrong. It was misjudged, that is not in question. Only OP can say if it is part of a pattern.

Ah but I think the men laughing along are equally unintelligent and trashy and misogynistic 😇

Grim.

Grim sodomy is the best kind.

You could have said, well if sex with you was less like a car accident it might happen more often.

His joke was gross and misogynistic so not being unreasonable