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AIBU?

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Original poster

To end it after I found my boyfriend on the sex offenders list

178 replies

Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:23

I’ve been with my boyfriend 6 months, I knew in the past he had been to jail. He mentioned something about weed, he has turned his life completely around and I had no reason to believe otherwise

he lives in my city but for some reason tonight I Googled him in his home town. I found something that made me sick to my stomach

he is on the sex offenders list. 10 years ago he was an 18 year old man charged with sexual conduct with an under 13 year old. I cannot believe it. I feel sick, my hands are sweating and if I knew this about him I would never have dated him. Part of me wants to confront him for not telling me, part of me wants to hear his explanation even though I know he will try and explain it away. Im heartbroken, he has to register as a sex offended for 25 years. I’m embarrassed, and feel kind of violated. Am I over reacting? I just don’t know what to think at all.

i 100% do not agree with what he’s done, there’s no explanation in the world that would make me stay with him

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2025 10:53

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 29/12/2025 08:05

You beed to ask yourself why you want more information. What level of paedophile would you be ok with?

Show quote history

at no point has op suggested wanting to be with him. she's already deleted and blocked him. wanting to know more is perfectly natural. it isn't about finding an excuse, it's just the part of your brain that keeps picking the scab until it bleeds

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 29/12/2025 10:54

usedtobeaylis · 29/12/2025 10:19

You're letting it set your bar on convictions for weed despite the well known racial biases on those specific charges. Don't be a hypocrite all your life.

Show quote history

No I clearly said cannabis use.

And I wouldn't be with anyone with any criminal conviction as it would impact my career. As in end it.

This has nothing to do with the racial bias of convictions for cannabis use in a country I do not live in.

Are you taking it personally because of your own cannabis use? Because it seems an odd focus on a thread about a paedophile.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2025 10:55

Hallb · 29/12/2025 08:41

The thing that makes me feel so sick is. Not saying this would be better or worse.

the law states under 13, in our county that could be anywhere from newborn right up until 13.

I understand I won’t find any further information but this has played on my mind since I’ve found out.

it says the school, what age school was it?

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2025 10:56

PlumpHobbit · 29/12/2025 10:21

My very first LTB

Run. Very fast in the opposite direction.

Depending on your job, being with a convicted sex offender may need to be declared

How would you feel about having a child with him? You'd never trust him.

Leave this disgusting man, you can do far better.

Edited

she already has!

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 29/12/2025 10:58

SleepingStandingUp · 29/12/2025 10:55

it says the school, what age school was it?

Show quote history

What difference does that make? What age of child 13 or under do you think it is ok to rape?

BillieWiper · 29/12/2025 11:10

That is horrendous. Has he got some kind of order banning him from having contact with under 18s?

Either way there's not much point in trying to hear his 'explanation'. Even if he was deliberately seeking out someone that young he's bound to tell you she just looked loads older and he didn't think to ask. Or some other bollocks to minimise it.

Obviously you have to finish with him. It's up to you if you say why or not. He's bound to put two and two together if you seemingly chuck him for 'no reason'.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. In future I hope he'll be up front to his partners then at least they can make an educated choice. Not that I can see any woman accepting him after knowing that.

Eyeshadow · 29/12/2025 11:14

The weed thing is not an issue.

I wouldn’t dismiss someone just because they’ve been in prison.

But obviously this is something that I would not forgive.

Its not just the disgusting act itself but it’s also the mindset.

Some men go for whatever they can get but many will go for younger because of the power and control they hold over them - you don’t grow out of this mindset and him being a teen or if happening many years ago wouldn’t be less of an issue for me.

I understand why you’d want to know the details.
I don’t know much about America.
I would probably ask him but accept that most of it would be a lie. But it may make what you’ve found make more sense.
Unfortunately, you may never know the truth.

SA are notorious for playing the victim or not understanding/caring that they did wrong.

Mum2Fergus · 29/12/2025 11:20

You have to ask?!

Fernsrus · 29/12/2025 11:22

Most people who ask if they are BU know quite well that they are.

thestudio · 29/12/2025 11:27

Op, just wanted to say how good it is to hear your certainty on this, and your refusal to minimise.

The only people who think 13yo girls can look older than they are are 13yo girls.

And as you say, his victim could well have been younger.

DOCTORCEE · 29/12/2025 11:29

Run for the hills! Vile

ChattyCatty25 · 29/12/2025 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes an edited post.

It was a typo, it was supposed to say “in case he gets violent and angry”.

MaidOfSteel · 29/12/2025 11:56

Please don’t torment yourself, trying to find out every ugly little detail. He has already taken away your right to make decisions about who you let into your life, your autonomy, by hiding his nature from you. Take back control. You have done nothing wrong here.

GooseberryGreen · 29/12/2025 11:58

This is not comparable with a situation such as an 18 year old mistakenly, on reasonable grounds or not, of thinking a girl was 16. They were at the same school for a start and she was 12 at most. Now some pedophiles may serve their time. get treatment and not reoffend. Even if that were true in this case, why would you take that risk? I'd be looking askance at anybody insisting that a knowing 12 year old at his school was acting older than her years and that the poor chap just couldn't help himself. My male classmates when I was growing up were a bit rough and ready and not remotely woke but I don't believe even the worst of them would have done this.

1457bloom · 29/12/2025 12:01

don’t mention it but do leave.

Hoardasurass · 29/12/2025 12:05

Hallb · 29/12/2025 07:48

I guess I was ranting, I’m not interested what he wants to say. But to find out someone you was with raped a child is not an every day occurrence I just wanted to talk this through.

I haven’t slept my mind is just going on. Already one friend is trying to tell me the girl could have been acting older. So I really don’t want to tell other people in my life

I have blocked him and deleted his number. To me there is no grey area

Ditch that so called friend as she's a pedophile apologist.

Sexual activity with a child under 13 covers children 0-12 years old, as an 18 year old man he molested a little girl still in primary school thats all you need to know about him and anyone who tries to excuse it is not someone who can ever be trusted around children as at best they wont protect them at worst shell hand them over to a predator and then blame them for their abuse

SoulSearchBeHonest · 29/12/2025 12:10

Radionowhere · 29/12/2025 00:28

He's a paedophile. That's the reality OP. End it.

This. The girl was under 13 and he was an 18 year old adult. He did jail time for this then lied about why he did time in prison. Hes a sex offender and liar.

StepsNotMiles · 29/12/2025 12:10

When I was 18, I found the 15 and under age group extremely annoying I’ve never would have considered dating them but I’m a woman so I don’t know if that makes it any different

Perrylobster · 29/12/2025 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

1980isitjustme · 29/12/2025 12:33

StepsNotMiles · 29/12/2025 12:10

When I was 18, I found the 15 and under age group extremely annoying I’ve never would have considered dating them but I’m a woman so I don’t know if that makes it any different

What is the relevance of this? Under 13 is statutory rape, I don’t understand what the point of this comment is.

1980isitjustme · 29/12/2025 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

She was under 13, there is no justification. However grown up a 12 year old (or younger) thinks they are, they are a child and do not have the capacity (legal or mental) to consent.

HelpMySocksAreTouchingMe · 29/12/2025 13:08

Do you have any children OP?

Please end it right away and print give him chance to try and “explain” it away.

Hoardasurass · 29/12/2025 13:39

This reply has been deleted

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He was convicted of molestation of a child UNDER 13 he was an 18 year old man ie an ADULT.
Thats nothing like an almost 14 year old and a 17 year old, which whilst still illegal and wrong is still 2 adolescents and depending on the circumstances could be forgiven.
The rape or sexual abuse of a child by an adult is never excuseble so please stop conflating it with 2 adolescents and making excuses for a pedophile

Suusue · 29/12/2025 17:04

Get rid of. NOW.

mumofb2 · 29/12/2025 17:43

End it right now ! !