To end it after I found my boyfriend on the sex offenders list

[Hallb]

I’ve been with my boyfriend 6 months, I knew in the past he had been to jail. He mentioned something about weed, he has turned his life completely around and I had no reason to believe otherwise

he lives in my city but for some reason tonight I Googled him in his home town. I found something that made me sick to my stomach

he is on the sex offenders list. 10 years ago he was an 18 year old man charged with sexual conduct with an under 13 year old. I cannot believe it. I feel sick, my hands are sweating and if I knew this about him I would never have dated him. Part of me wants to confront him for not telling me, part of me wants to hear his explanation even though I know he will try and explain it away. Im heartbroken, he has to register as a sex offended for 25 years. I’m embarrassed, and feel kind of violated. Am I over reacting? I just don’t know what to think at all.

i 100% do not agree with what he’s done, there’s no explanation in the world that would make me stay with him

Good - do not discuss this with him.

End it completely impersonally (overnight text maybe so he won't see it until the morning). Then block him everywhere and tell your friends to block him too, and why. Do not allow any friend to persuade you to 'give him a chamce'.

Tbh the bar was already low when you entered into a relationship with a man who had a prison record.

i would end it and do the freedom programme before even thinking of having another relationship.

Just wanted to say that I hope you’re ok. This must be incredibly upsetting and violating even.

You’re doing the right thing, though. Dump him and never look back. I probably wouldn’t show him the anger, to protect your safety. His poor victim too. I hope wherever she is she is doing well.

You could apply to the Court for the sentencing transcript. In my country you can apply for things like entire trial transcripts. You pay a small fee and they send it to you. You need a reason to request it.

Given this was a child (oldest she would have been was 12 years old) her identity would be protected.

Reading the transcript would be the only closure I would give myself. I wouldn’t even have a conversation with him. I would ghost him and then call the police when the harassment starts. Let him have another charge on his record.

Yeah, but even in the USA, teenagers are not imprisoned for a trivial charge of weed possession.
Severe lack of any instinct for self-preservation there; the sentence could have been for murder for all you knew at first.

He's a paedophile. I would say if he was 18 and she over 16 I might be apologetic. I had a relationship at that age with an 18 year old and there was really no difference maturity wise. But under 13!! That's* *sexual abuse. A normal 18 year old wouldn't be sexually attracted to a child. He's not normal and will always be attracted to children even if he has decided to not act on it. Do you look young for your age @Hallb ?

You’ve only been together for 6 months, easy enough to end it. I wouldn’t be asking for an explanation as there isn’t any acceptable explanation and sex offenders are often very manipulative meaning he might just give you a load of lies anyway

Very well done for checking on him.

Why would you be unreasonable to dump him?

I would look for a way to end the relationship because I wouldn't trust someone with such a deceptive past. You can simply tell him you don’t want to continue because you don’t love him, then disappear. It's also wise to inform your close friends or family about your decision in case he tries to contact them. Aim to exit this relationship quickly and discreetly. He could be dangerous, especially since he's hidden his past from you, which may mean there’s more you don't know.

First paragraph, smug victim blaming. This is on him, not OP.
Second paragraph, decent advice.

I don’t know why, but I get a very uneasy feeling when you mentioned wanting to confront him and text him something sarcastic.
I don’t feel like any good can come of that - maybe don’t even tell him you know- just get yourself away and end it.
I could be wrong, but it’s better to be safe.

utterly horrible. I’m sorry, OP.

Well the op chose to ignore that bit and thought he was a great catch

Clare's Law is the Domestic Violence disclosure scheme. It's Sarah's Law that discloses if someone is a Child Sex Offender.

OP has already stated that she's checked the equivalent scheme in the US - Megan's Law.

If they were both attending the same school as pupils, surely the girl would be in the Middle School section and he in the High School? If under 13 then that presumes she was 11 or 12. Fucking disgusting!!

I too wouldn't confront this man, or say anything sarcastic to him, regardless of the temptation to do so. Goodness knows what he's capable of. He may be afraid of that information becoming public again and spoiling his shiny new life. Don't risk it OP. Just say you're not feeling it and end it quietly.

There's nothing the slightest bit strange about being angry. He raped a child, and lied to you. End it, and don't do it face to face - he might get violent. You don't even know what other offences he might have committed without being caught. Attacking adult women, maybe? Don't be around him again.

Well, no teenager would ever have gone to jail for 'a bit of weed'.

You also need to start calling him what he is. He is a pedophile.

He will never change. He will never be cured. He will never stop being attracted to young children. Including any children you may have in the future, their friends and your family members.

Not sure why you are agonising over this. It is clear cut.

Plenty of pedophiles look like they have nice, put together lives. Makes it easier to attract a woman for camouflage and access to children.

I would tell him something like you realized you need to focus on yourself and need to be single for a good bit. Then follow through, in addition to therapy in the meantime.

Here's hoping you never see him again.

No one goes to jail for smoking a bit of weed as a teenager. He clearly thinks you were born yesterday.

He may have served his time and everyone deserves a fresh start but you gave him the opportunity to be honest and he wasn't.

As tempting as it may be to tell him what you think of him, I’d advise not to.

You don’t want to give him the heads up about how or why you found out as it could give him ideas about how to better hide his past from women he meets in the future.

⬆️ this. Don't confront him. God knows what he'd do

YABU to feel violated as you're not a scared and abused child imho.

I don't know what you want from this as most self confident and sensible women would just say you're not feeling it anymore and end the relationship. Wanting to confront him smacks of drama and asking for an explanation see,s to suggest you want to stay with him.

Good that your realise you can't stay with him. I hide you've ended it and get no trouble from him.

edited for typo and to add as missed further posts

I would quietly end it. I wouldn’t make a h reference to you finding out, because that will just start a conversation that’s pointless. Just end it and move on.

Dump the bastard, I don't understand why you're with someone who allegedly was jailed over weed in the first place.

Agree you need to end it but also agree no confrontation. Just a quick dumping, you dont see him in your 2026 or future or whatever and dont want to draw it out. Amicable for your own safety. Best of luck with it.