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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end it after I found my boyfriend on the sex offenders list

178 replies

Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:23

I’ve been with my boyfriend 6 months, I knew in the past he had been to jail. He mentioned something about weed, he has turned his life completely around and I had no reason to believe otherwise

he lives in my city but for some reason tonight I Googled him in his home town. I found something that made me sick to my stomach

he is on the sex offenders list. 10 years ago he was an 18 year old man charged with sexual conduct with an under 13 year old. I cannot believe it. I feel sick, my hands are sweating and if I knew this about him I would never have dated him. Part of me wants to confront him for not telling me, part of me wants to hear his explanation even though I know he will try and explain it away. Im heartbroken, he has to register as a sex offended for 25 years. I’m embarrassed, and feel kind of violated. Am I over reacting? I just don’t know what to think at all.

i 100% do not agree with what he’s done, there’s no explanation in the world that would make me stay with him

OP posts:
CraftyPlayer · 29/12/2025 00:24

I’m sorry op, that’s awful. There’s no explaining that away.

Seawolves · 29/12/2025 00:24

There's only one answer here, break off the relationship.

CraftyPlayer · 29/12/2025 00:25

Duplicate post.

whoosit · 29/12/2025 00:26

There is no explanation for that. End it and don't look back.

SweeetFannyAdams · 29/12/2025 00:26

I can't see why anyone would think you're unreasonable.

Why on earth do you think you might be?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/12/2025 00:27

With an under 13 year old? No, there’s no talking his way out of that one or suggesting mitigating circumstances. 13 year olds are children, young children in this situation.

Original poster
Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:27

I understand I have to end it. I feel strangely angry at him? He’s done his time and all of that however I feel l like he’s taken my autonomy away by being this person and pretending he is not

i want to text him something so sarcastic like thanks for letting me know you’re a registered sex offender. I know this won’t help my mind is just all over the place.

I’ve been trying to read up on it but can’t really find much information, just that she was under 13 😕

OP posts:
Radionowhere · 29/12/2025 00:28

He's a paedophile. That's the reality OP. End it.

Original poster
Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:28

I don’t even think I’m unreasonable I just needed to talk it out. I’m far too embarrassed to tell any of my friends

and yes he was 18 at the same school as this young girl. The articles specifically say under 13 so god knows how old she was

OP posts:
Cherry321 · 29/12/2025 00:29

Must be an awful shock but sounds like a lucky escape.

jocktamsonsbairn · 29/12/2025 00:29

He raped or sexually abused a child. Get out now.

Seawolves · 29/12/2025 00:30

Anger is natural in this situation. I wouldn't even bother discussing it with him, there is nothing he can do or say that would absolve him of the lies he's told.

MissSophiaGrace · 29/12/2025 00:30

I take it you live in the USA?
There's simply no reason to wait around, just end it. An explanation isn't going to change things.

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 00:30

How did you find him on the list? I don’t think the public had access to any list?

Gymnopedie · 29/12/2025 00:31

He lied about why he'd been in prison too. The relationship was built on falsehood. What else is he covering up?

Original poster
Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:31

Yeah in the USA now.

i understand this, I won’t even give him the chance to discuss this with me. I just needed to write my thoughts down. I’ve been googling like mad for about 5 hours trying to find something.

I just can’t believe it

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 29/12/2025 00:31

How awful for you. Sorry you've been put in this position. If you're planning on telling him face-to-face, do so in a public place & maybe have a friend close by.

Redwinedaze · 29/12/2025 00:31

Do you have children? There might be conditions attached to his registration.

Original poster
Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:32

I googled his name. It came up with what he had been charged with.

after that I started searching records and found him due to Megan’s law.

He had actually also been in jail in addition to this for weed so I guess he thought he was telling me the truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:33

I don’t have children but I feel sick because I brought him around my 15 year old cousin. Only to the shops but now I think was he looking at her in that way? Is this the way he still thinks?
An 18 year old is a man and I just can’t wrap my head around it

OP posts:
LamentableShoes · 29/12/2025 00:33

I can't quite understand why you dated someone who'd been to prison - "mentioning weed" wouldn't have satisfied me as to what he'd actually done.

Anyway you know now and obviously you can't have a relationship with a convicted paedophile. I do feel for you feeling angry, but tbh I think you're better making your excuses perhaps... he could turn nasty.

jaelato1 · 29/12/2025 00:34

LemaxObsessive · 29/12/2025 00:30

How did you find him on the list? I don’t think the public had access to any list?

OP lives in the US, that kind of info readily available there

Original poster
Hallb · 29/12/2025 00:36

Him going to jail as a teenager for some weed does not bother me. It didn’t bother me before, he is now a grown man, with a good job, good friends and what I thought was a normal life.

OP posts:
Icecreamisthebest · 29/12/2025 00:36

I’m so sorry OP.

Obviously you know what you have to do but I completely understand how processing this is difficult. If you think therapy would help, make arrangements. You can just tell friends that he was lying to you, you don’t need to give details.

Just focus on staying safe and your own mental health.

Bedtimeread · 29/12/2025 01:03

You need to do a Claire’s law, who knows what else you don’t know. You need to ensure your safety and get away from him.