Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

How odd that you see this as an insult to yourself. I would instead allow cousin not to attend and respect her right to not enjoy that style of activity.

Sounds like a hideous, cringy evening I wouldn’t pay to be part of that either to be honest. Doesn’t sound like you regard her that highly either or you would be wanting all your guests to be happy with the plans.

I wouldn’t attend a Butlers In The Buff event - horrifically cringeworthy, tacky and I would rather chew my own arm off - but I wouldn’t ask anyone to change plans, I would just decline.

So whilst your friends are U to organise such a thing, YANBU to refuse to change it if that’s what floats your boat.

Hen party WhatsApp groups are a special kind of hell, you never ever ever please everyone. Harder still when it’s often small groups of women who don’t all know each other well. If she doesn’t want to go, so be it - move on, have fun with the rest of your friends and forget about it!

Butlers in the Buff?

Are you all 14? Your cousin is the only one who seems to have an ounce of integrity and class.

Really?

I think it says a lot about your friends, and yourself, that they think a Butlers in the Buff evening is a good idea.

Good for your cousin for refusing to go to something so tacky and gross.

I take it you are ok with your groom having strippers and lap dancers at his stag do ?.

It’s not my usual cup of tea but it’s a hen do so par for the course, and we all secretly like a bit of eye candy when we’ve had a few Prosecco’s don’t we!

I love (most of) my cousins to bits but no way would I be paying to go to a butler in the buff type weekend. I’d also be pissed off that they’d waited until a few weeks before to let me know.

Strange that you’re making this about you and not about the hideous event that has been sprung on paying guests.

No. Grim

How tacky. I would not want to be there either!

Yabu.

I would be super uncomfortable with that and find it as ick as a stag at a strip club tbh. I know that's not everyone's view but I see it as similar. I would just decline that part of the hen or the full thing if declining that meal causes an issue. I think it says more about you and your relationship that you would be insulted by this and would expect your friend to be uncomfortable for a night for your benefit instead of respecting her limits. There's lots of reasons why someone might not be remotely comfortable with this.

I went on a hen do once where there was a stripper bus one evening, I just went back to the hotel instead of doing that particular activity. No drama, it just wasn't my thing and sounded too cringe! I participated in all other activities during the hen do.

They really aren’t anything alike.

we all secretly like a bit of eye candy when we’ve had a few Prosecco’s don’t we!

Seriously no. Horrible cheap behaviour.

It's a hen do, and a classic part of one. Lighten up! It's not my thing either but I don't expect needlepoint and elocution lessons at a hen do!

Not any Hen Party I’ve gone on and no, I don’t like a ‘bit of eye candy when I’ve been on the Prosecco’.

Not my kind of night out at all. Awful.

But as said, your boat - float it in such a manner if you so wish.

It’s horrible.

I understand it’s very “hen do” but also it’s very tacky.

Cousin should feel fine not to go and you all should gracious about it.

No , we don't .
Would this be ok if a stag were having half naked waitresses ???
Awful stuff . Actually didn't think things like this happened .

I would pay good money to avoid attending a “Butlers in the buff” event.

Its pretty tone deaf to assume everyone will be OK with that.

Your cousin has opted out and I can’t blame her. Its nothing personal.

But if you have to get involved you should be telling your mates to step away from the 1970s.

Please explain the difference between you ogling naked men at your hen and your fiancé ogling naked women at the stag…

This. I would be very uncomfortable but that's my issue also I wouldn't attend but I wouldn't expect things to be rearranged.

Right so if your argument is they arent alike then do I take it you would be unhappy if your H's stag do had strippers or lapdancers?
If that is the case you are being very hypocritical.

She could surely decline that part and not join? If you are happy with the plans and don't want to rearrange I wouldn't lose sleep over it. Have a fab time OP 😁

I would never attend a butlers in the buff type of event. The main reason would be out of respect for my DP. If anything, the fact you’re annoyed at her shows how little regard you hold for her.

How tacky. Sounds like an awful hen do.

Dread to think what other 'activities' have been planned...