Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

I mean her literal words were that they weren’t anything alike but ok.

Right. I suppose if your fiance is the kind of sleazebag that pays strippers to grind on his penis and almost certainly offer extras, you'd have to be fine with pretty much anything for a hen do.

Her cousin should probably just try to avoid the OP, go low contact and hang out with people who have similar standards. OP and her fiance sound absolutely grim.

Ugh, keep him off your sofas

Well said.

I find it sad that there are women who don't seem to know any decent men.

To answer the question in your opening post, Whatever you and your 'hens' choose to do, I can't understand how you are making the leap from your cousin not wanting to do an activity, to "how highly she regards you"

You clearly missed the later post in which she said it, but the words posted by the pp are correct. You owe them an apology.

It wouldn't be my cup of tea either but I wouldn't pull out but wouldn't judge someone who did. I Googled it and everything seems to be covered except their bum and they have a no touch rule. I've tolerated a few hen parties with penis straws, etc, for the sake of the brides (not all of them seemed overly keen either!). My hen was very boring in comparison - weekend away, nice meal, drinks back at the hotel - but all seemed to enjoy it.

I don't think anyone should be involving OP in this drama. Let them sort it out themselves. Personally, if I was organising, and someone felt so strongly they cancelled, I would consider changing it, but it may be too late now and/or too costly to do that.

OP sorry I don't like/want a bit of "eye candy" and DH would hate that kind of thing - we've been together for donkey's years, are very open and honest with each other and trust each other, built up through long absences early on through his job and being together forever. Please don't assume your relationship is indicative of all others.

While I rather suspect you're not posting in good faith - rather like several other threads tonight - this is a line that is always trotted out on these threads.

I don't know any men in mine or DH's social circle who had a stag do that involved anything even remotely close to this. Their interests are outdoors stuff, and they all went on camping/climbing/outdoor pursuit type stags. They don't really drink, so its all pretty wholesome stuff.

It takes a certain type of man to pay money to watch women take their clothes off or get a lap dance. You can tell yourself all you like that 'all men do it,' when, in fact, they really don't.

But I think you're on a wind up anyway.

But do you think anyone other than giggly hen party women hire butlers in the buff? They are mostly men with other jobs like personal trainer that do things like this, and life drawing models etc, for a laugh / to show off their efforts in the gym and earn some pocket money at the same time

Life before WhatsApp was utter bliss. I feel for you OP. Can’t help with your problem because this shit is new, relatively speaking, and I am not. You could try speaking to each other ‘irl’ to resolve your problems or is this too ‘cringe’? It worked for the decades (centuries?) previous to this so it could work? Give it a go if you dare!

They might be at risk from other men? Maybe gay men hire naked butlers too. I have seen women get pretty unpleasant in a group, but you're right in that they would not be raped and men of even average strength can easily fight off a few women. A group of drunken, sleazy women could get unpleasant though and it could be a really demeaning and upseting job depending on the women.

But yes not on a par with the proven danger of men towards women.

I think you misinterpreted my post.

The person I quoted (allegedly a ‘posh boarding school type’, but imo her parents wasted their money- she has questionable literacy) was suggesting that anyone who didn’t agree with the OP must be part of a bible group or knitting circle, and had to be home for six.

I have had many epic nights out- not one of them would’ve been made better by a naked butler.

If that’s your idea of a good night, get on with it and don’t annoy anyone else.

Do 14 year olds have butlers like that these days? I hope not.

I've been on over 15 stag do's in the last 20 years. Not a one of them has ended up in a strip club.

Definitely not something that always happens on a stag.

What is your take on men having a lap dance at a stripper club after a few whiskeys? I assume that is fair game too?
I would be very torn if I was your cousin. I would want to come and support your hen do. But this would be a bit much.

I'm with your cousin. Her choice isn't a reflection on you but what will be is if you can't accept that she doesn't want to participate in something like that.

Urgh. How embarassing.

I don't want anyone's naked arsehole near my food and drink. Man or woman.

No. No we don’t:

Friend was right in letting you know. I'd dump my fella if he went to a meal with the girls dressed like those men do.

You want your cousin to pay to attend an event where she will (understandably, imo) feel extremely uncomfortable, and you will interpret it as an insult to yourself if she doesn’t go? You sound charming. I bet you’re a bridezilla.

My sympathies are totally with your cousin. "Butlers in the buff" sounds vile to me but if you and your friends like the idea that’s up to you - but those who know they would hate it should be free to opt out.

I specified no strippers or similar for mine. I find it excruciating and tacky. I've never been to a hen do where that was a thing, and I went to many in my 30s.

Nothing to do with how she regards you, probably more to do with how she regards herself. I wouldn’t attend something like that because I think it’s grim. I wouldn’t back out of the whole weekend tho and I wouldn’t make a song and dance out of it.

It’s not my usual cup of tea but it’s a hen do so par for the course, and we all secretly like a bit of eye candy when we’ve had a few Prosecco’s don’t we!

I don’t consider naked butlers or strippers to be ‘par for the course’ with bucks/hens. Maybe question why you have bought into this and your standards! Frankly, I would have walked out if my own hen’s if this had of occurred, and I know DH would have done the same. That’s the beauty in marrying someone who holds the same standards.

I also don’t think ‘a few prosecco’s’ would do it. It would have to be several bottles to be absolutely paralytic and not know what’s going on.

No. HTH.

Because everybody is the same.

Some of us also use apostrophes correctly.