Hen party drama

[Horsingabout2]

My two best friends are in charge of my hen weekend. I’ve given them free rein within a couple of paramaters (including not to exceed a certain cost so as many people as possible can make it given it’s quite close to Christmas).

I am not in the WA group but I know they were putting the itinerary in there earlier. One of my friends has called me to say one of the attendees (my cousin) has kicked up a fuss about one of the meals being a butlers in the buff style evening. Said they won’t go on the weekend if that’s the plan. No one else has said they’ve an issue.

My cousin hasn’t contacted me directly. I don’t want my friends to have to rearrange things given the efforts they’ve gone to in order to arrange. AIBU to say that if she wants to be stubborn and not attend, that says more about her and how highly she must regard me?

It’s not to everyone’s taste so I wouldn’t worry too much if someone isn’t attending. In my early 20s, I would probably have enjoyed something like that lol.

Throw up time! How tacky can you get .....

'a bit of eye candy after proscecco' ...says it all. At least your cousin has some class.

I don't like it. I wouldn't be happy about attending a naked butler event but I personally wouldn't make a fuss myself. I'd just go. It's probably not as bad as people are imagining. I don't know. It's not something that's ever come up in my social circle, thankfully.

I like even less, the idea of the stag getting lap dances. So glad my partner is a nerdy software engineer who would rather die.

Nope!

Just have a word with the friends organising the party and ask them to give the bitb event a miss. There probably are others that don't want this but are afraid to seem to fuddy duddy to complain but like pp have said would suddenly have a family emergency. There are better ways to have adult fun without naked men around your food table.

No, we don't. It is horrible and I wouldn't want to go either.

No. Really no. I think it's just yuk. Rearrange the event for sure.

Cringe and yuck at the same time, does your hisband to be know and he still wants to get married?

OP, the majority of people's views about butler in the buff seem to be that it is tacky, which is a clue about how your cousin is feeling. It's not that she doesn't think much of you, she just doesn't enjoy that kind of show.

Presumably, you would have ruled this kind of thing out at the start if it was an issue for you, as you did about going over certain costs, and thereby risking that some people wouldn't want to be involved.

I don't think it is OK to insist people participate if it offends them, but it is a shame if she decides not to attend the weekend at all. Perhaps a diplomatic person could discuss her just omitting attendance at that particular event?
Maybe you could include a posh prosecco and cream tea or something over the weekend, so everyone is included somehow.

Sounds tacky af. But don’t change it. Cousin just doesn’t need to come. Surprised hen weekends like this are still a thing. Sounds very noughties era.

Ew.

I’d be out too. You’ve no right to kick off if she doesn’t want to go to this.

I’d bet the issue is they want her share of the money to pay for it.

"we all secretly like a bit of eye candy when we’ve had a few Prosecco’s don’t we!"

No. Speak for yourself.

Can’t say it’s my go to thing when I’ve had a drink either! Wouldn’t occur to me to letch over blokes when I’m pissed

Err nope. Obviously your cousin doesn't either!

It’s a weekend trip. You could suggest she makes other arrangements for that meal. At least then she would be able to join in with the parts of the trip that doesn’t involve sex workers.

And although a lot of stag/hen do’s hire sex workers it isn’t obligatory.

Ugh how terribly common and with Prosecco too.
If kicking up a fuss means she gone ‘fuck that shit’ then count me and most of my friends in the fuss kickers gang. It’s just so obvious and tacky. No imagination.

I wouldn't fancy it but I would politely decline, and not make a big fuss about it. You sound very judgemental.

Absolutely not 🙈 super tacky and cringe! If I found out my friends had arranged this for my own green even I'd contemplate not attending 🤣
I've never understood en masse overt letching "events" and as pp said it is no different to strippers or lapdancers...

Hideous 🙄

It’s an invitation. She’s more than welcome to decline. Let her know you’re ok with her not attending and go and enjoy yourselves. Hope you have a lovely wedding day.

Do I? Then my work here is done.

Your cousin is right. And what kind of person thinks it’s ok for men to exploit women, stare at their bodies like they are a commodity. Gross.

Sounds like your cousin has boundaries. I don’t think I’d want to attend, let alone pay for, an evening like that.

How would you feel about your fiancé going to a strip club?

Oooh what a hoot!
Get you crazy lot.
Its gonna get wiiiillldd!!!!!!
Will you all be wearing a team bride sash, and drinking cocktails through a willy shaped straw?
Will the stags all be dressed as policemen?
I bet they also have a naked waitress under a flouncy pinny.
Prediction
Lots of rehearsed photos for social media, with captions requiring overuse of the poor exclamation mark.
Even worse, the interrobang.

I thought we'd moved past this sort of this thing as a society..can't believe people still book them or that they actually exist .
I suppose your DH will be head buried in the lap of some dancer then.
Ugh
What a way to start married life .
Still each to their own

No, I didn’t miss anything. She said two separate statements strip clubs are half of the course on stag dos and Butler’s in the buff Is not the same as a stag do With strippers.