To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

I'm just imagining the water bill! That's the least sexy part of it all

For me and many other women, both having a shower before means the difference between having cystitis afterwards or not. It doesn't mean we're over fastidious but rather according to the specialist who treated me, we're just unlucky enough to have "sticky" cells. If he can't be bothered showering now before sex, it doesn't say much about the chances of him ever doing a night feed. And if he knows it bugs you, and it would bug me, sticky cells or not, the fact that he can't be bothered to make sure you enjoy sex is a fairly concerning factor.

You don't have to shower all over afterwards, mainly your 'bits' unless you have become very sweaty and sticky after a session. A bidet is a good idea actually. Showers don't take nearly as much water as baths. Most people wouldn't go to bed dirty and clean themselves afterwards surely, otherwise you'd be all icky.

Do those of you who insist on showers before sex never just get caught up in the mood, or have a quickie, with their partner/husband? Or is sex always planned and organised around showering routines?

All fascinating. I am astounded at all this fastdiousness and find it hard to believe that people really are in and out of showers and washing their genital region so many times.

I used to have IBS and was on and off the loo 10 times a day for years. If I had showered after every motion, how would I have been able to hold down my job and bring up my children? The important point here is that clearly I did not shower/wash after each motion and yet here I am alive and well!

If he’s gotta go, he’s gotta go! He wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself if he needed to poop (I know that would put me off). As for showering after, if he wipes properly and washes his hands, I don’t see the need 🙄

Not sure I’m doing sex properly if this is the case (and I have two kids too 😳😳😳🤣🤣). Not sure if your reasoning. Poop comes out the back?

A wash down after, yes. But not before and having also showered that morning...

Depends if he uses the back door as well as the front. 😉

Surprises me tbh

Definitely bum guns in this Abu Dhabi lounge toilet

Why does it matter, are you playing with his bum then?

For many of us we go when the body says so. Your DP is a real human, not a Disney prince. My husband farts and belches like it's his job any time he feels like it, and it can be off putting, but he has so many other positive qualities that the bodily stuffwhich is NORMALdoesn't phase me. I don't want to do the deed if I'm full of poo, so I feel for the guy.

Agreed. If I had to do all that I'd lose the vibe, but everyone is different!

People saying he needs to shower after a poo 😂😂 wtf! Wait until you have been married 20 years and had a bunch of kids - I can assure you you will both be very used to each others bodily functions. THEY ARE NATURAL! Would you want to shag if you needed a poo? I suffer from constipation and I often have to let my partner know that I cant have sex for that reason.
Basically - grow up a bit. Pooiing is nothing to be ashamed of and you don't need to boil wash yourself afterwards, bum wipe and a hand wash has done for 1000s of years!

And now, somehow, a man not showering before sex somehow equates to a man not getting up to do night feeds?
This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.
Love it!!

Being used to it and wanted to shag someone just after they've had a shit are 2 different things. Thats downright unsexy

How long after a shit does it stop being unsexy?
You know you live longer, if you poo more times in the day?

I wonder how the human race got past hunter gatherers…I mean really..we are so far from the natural state now, it is a surprise anyone gets to do anything but shower.
How did they manage to have sex and produce us with no showers and very little washing?. We didn’t even have showers in most homes even a hundred years ago.

And if your bums are so hard to clean after a shit that you need an actual shower, there is something wrong with your diet.

After the shit, the bowels should close and pull back inside, leaving no residue on the outside …you know ..watch a dog, or cat, . They depart clean. So should people.
A wipe should suffice , a wet wipe…the biodegradable ones…or a flannel and hands wash . This thread is hilarious, thanks for the laughs

I don't really understand how you don't get it, but if you are getting into bed with a bare bum after shitting and only using toilet paper to clean, you will be getting poo on your bed sheets.

Surely you have seen the posts on here about men leaving skid marks on the bedsheets?

I love how you're trying to imply its vanilla to want someone to wash their ass before sex 😂Would you eat someone's ass without them washing it?

Certainly not if he hasn't washed it!

I think there are a lot of people having very boring PIV sex in here and that's why they don't care if he washes.

So long as he is maintaining good personal hygiene I can't see the problem with this.... I'd much rather he pooped before sex than risk a fart or worse in the act! Or felt too uncomfortable to fully commit. Obviously I'd want him to wipe his bum and wash his hands, and maybe have a shower / wash if he thought necessary. Personally I think a shower is helpful before sex for both parties as fresh smelling bodies are sexier than musty smells, so maybe initiate that? If it's the poo smell that's the problem, can you banish him to another loo in the house so it's not right there in the ensuite, assuming that's where it is?

You won't be getting shit on the bed if you've wiped properly even "just" with loo roll

This- a man leaving skid marks on the bed sheets has a wiping issue and should be sent back to nursery. I wouldn't want a man like that in my bed, underwear or no underwear!

I sleep naked without underwear every single night when I'm in my own home (apart from when I'm on my period then I wear period pants)- I've never got shit on the bedsheets yet.