To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

My husband used to always empty his bowels pre sex..I asked him if he considered emptying his bowels as foreplay

I have to shower my arse after a shit cos horrible skin tags and prolapsed rectum from having kids means I can't get clean otherwise

If it's a bloody shit you should shower

This thread is quite the education. Personally I have a sprayer (bum gun!?) attached to the toilet, definitely good to use for number 2s and also for a quick hose when on a period. I think they are becoming more common in the UK these days. Also no flannels here, I didn’t realise they were so popular and had thought the use of them was dying out with my grandparents generation.

As for the OP, I imagine the fact that he is even telling you when he has had a shit is a massive turn off (or is he not telling you but you can smell it?).

Actually, I'm at work for 6am 6 days a week. So I'm getting ready at 5am.

No need to be so rude just because you're triggered. There is nothing OCD about washing twice and cleaning teeth twice a day.

People saying he needs to shower after…. Do you mean all men should shower befire sex or after doing a poo? If he pooped an hour before sex should he shower? What about the woman? Is it about pooping right before sex? How does it make any difference than if someone popped two hours earlier? The poo particles will still be there

My arm pits smell of bo in the morning. And I do a poo first thing so yeah of course shower in the morning. And I shower at night because I’ve been rushing about all day. I’ve peed about 6 -7 times and I like to have a clean groin area and I like to go to bed generally clean.
Don’t think any of this is even remotely ocd

Washing thoroughly like that twice a day is excessive unless exceptionally dirty or sweaty

Needing to shower after a poo is odd

Showering twice a day would be excessive. One shower and one quick wash isn't excessive.

Exactly. It explains a bit why swimming pools have to have such a high concentration of chlorine in them, to kill all the BO and other germs floating around in them.

Washing your whole body twice is excessive

Swimming pools have high chlorine because of all the piss let's be real

BO isn't dangerous

Was this comment really necessary? You knew exactly what I meant.

Yes, lots are exceedingly obsessed with hygiene…. These people must never have sex when they wake up in the morning (something I love). I’m lucky my DP and I don’t have all these hang ups…

And if your “mood” is so fragile that the mere thought of him going to the toilet 10 minutes before you start having sex is enough to ruin the mood, I’d think you have an issue.

Unless he's rubbing poo over his willy, a shitty Cornhole isn't going to give op a water infection....

I wouldn't want to have a roll around with someone who last had a shower twelve odd hours ago.... have a shit, fine, jump in the shower, you're allowed more than one a day and it's really not "work", it's keeping your crevices clean!

How is it excessive? I often have two showers a day, especially in summer or if I've been excercising, it's normal! Say you get up and get in the shower, quite normal, wash your hair and do the day, not at all excessive to want another quick shower before bed.

He could potentially have showered an hour before his poo, doesn't have to have been 12 hours before

Orrrrrrrr..... have sex in the shower. Kill two birds with one stone kind of thing!

if I understand correctly, some people think you shouldn't have sex in the evening if you defecated at any point in the day after your morning shower

I think that if you're going to expect someone to have sex with you and they last had a shower in the morning, shit or no shit since, it would be most pleasant if they, and you, would jump back in the shower before you stick your noses into each other. I would also usually get back in the shower after the sex. So that's three showers. What a pervert.

It was a response to someone saying one shower and a wash was excessive. I used to shower twice a day, but it dried my skin out.

You shower before AND after sex? Honestly I’d never shag again if I felt I had to do that, I couldn’t be arsed.

People have different bodies so hygiene needs differ. I shower once a day in the evening after work. I'm not a sweaty person, barely sweat during winter unless doing cardio, and not a sweaty sleeper. My hair does much better washed at night, and I'm still fresh going into work the next day as I don't generally have BO except in the height of summer. I also have sensitive skin, showering / washing multiple times a day can give me eczema and generally just make me itchy and uncomfortable. Shower at night means generally clean for any sex, but I don't say no to morning sex on the weekend just cos I haven't showered...

However if you're a sweaty person, do lots of running around during the day, have no skin probs, or are prone to UTIs after sex then I can see the argument for showering multiple times a day. The problem is applying your personal needs and preferences across the board as if your body is the default norm, rather than just one of many different types.

If you've been very sweaty/swimming/got dirty then yes you might want a second shower

But showering twice a day on a normal day is excessive, bad for your skin and bad for the planet