To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

[Justinegh]

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

I do, yes! I hop in before hand and have a good scrub. I go back to the bathroom after to do a pee anyway, otherwise I get a UTI without fail, and it's no biggy to jump back in the shower for a quick blast. 9/10 times we both get in.

I might want a second shower for none of those reasons, you might not. And that's ok. My skin is perfectly healthy. The humans on this planet aren't going to have a radical change of fate if I reduce my showering habit to one a day, if nothing else changes. I'll stick as I am, but thankyou.

I'm not thinking about the water bill before or after a shag!

Yes, but a quickie is a quickie, it's a spur of the moment knee-trembler and might involve stubbly legs and that's the nature of it. There's room for both!

Your attitude of "well I can't make a difference" is wrong

Everyone having that attitude is why things don't change

Just whether your partner has showered after his shit...

I'm not saying that I am totally unconscious of making a difference, I just choose to have the number of showers that I am comfortable with. We all have an environmental impact, even you, unless you completely pedal powered, ground source heat pumped, hand wash your clothes in the river and dry them on a blackberry bush, don't be so prescriptive. I'm freshly showered, not stupid.

There are other things available to think about other than bills and defacation.

I don't get it, because I'm perfectly capable of cleaning my bum?
Every night when I take my knickers off, there are no skid marks, and I often shit twice a day.
I cannot sleep with underwear on, and have never ever left a skid mark on my bed.....

I've seen the odd post about men leaving skids, but to be honest if that is their level of hygiene I'm amazed they're even having sex. It's certainly way outside of 'normal'

I really don't understand a lot of these posts.

If oral sex is gonna be involved then I like us to have just had showers, or at least a wash, but if it isn't (and I'll be honest, we didn't bother while ttc), then as long as hands are clean I see no need for a shower. We both wipe our arses then wash our hands.

It would only be from poor hand washing that transfered fecal matter from butt to vagina!

I understand being reminded about sitting before sex isn't sexy but I couldn't get too worked up about it.

I know a lot of people do it, but I've never ever ever got into bed after pooing without cleaning my bum. If I need to poo somewhere where I cannot have a proper wash afterwards (rare occurrence anyway!) It's the first thing I do as soon as I have access to soap and water.

The way I see it is, if a child/pet pooed on a surface, you wouldn't just wipe it with a dry cloth, you would use detergent and water. I don't want poo residue on me, OR my sheets or my clothes.

How is this thread still going 😳

When I was young, of course not. Now I am old, sadly yes. It’s not complicated

Maybe he's just paranoid about pooing himself at the crucial moment so goes as a precaution. Have a little more sympathy for your partner, maybe you suggest joining him in the shower as a starter. Do you shower personally before hand if not that's just hypocritical too.

Love this 😂😂

Does he like a bit of oral before you do 'the deed'?? 💩🤮