Page 12 | To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

justabigdisco · 2025-08-30T17:30:07+00:00

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night. I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

Hankunamatata · 30/08/2025 23:15

Its just gross the same bed when your asleep. Take it to the bathroom

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/08/2025 23:22

Choclabratwatowner88 · 30/08/2025 23:15

she was obviously asleep when he started and I’m sure he didn’t mean to wake her up. 🙄

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He was making the bed shake and breathing heavily right next her. Of course she was likely to wake up.

SqB · 30/08/2025 23:25

I get annoyed being woken up full stop.

Spiderx · 30/08/2025 23:29

Reminds me of a story my best mate ( male) told me ...he was feeling a bit frisky in bed one night with his wife but she wasn't interested and had turned over and tried to get to sleep . My mate , frustrated and bored ( also with thinning hair) remembered he had read somewhere that massaging your scalp promoted hair growth , so he started to do that . Obviously the bed was moving a bit as he was doing it nd his wife without even turning over just said .." oh that's disgusting" ... !🤣

TottyMaude · 31/08/2025 00:00

Whatado · 30/08/2025 22:32

I have to laugh the amount of positioning on this thread regarding consent, privacy and boundaries.

Those dont all start and stop at sex, or sexual acts in relationships.

The OP has started a thread on a public forum that regularly gets threads picked up by media or shared on social media and has shared something incredibly private according to some about her spouse that took place in the "privacy" of his own bedroom.

I wonder has there been a discussion if thats OK with him. Does he feel comfortable? Is he happy that his wife is discussing this on line, without him knowing.

I can only imagine the uproar if a woman came on and posted that her husband was posting about her masterbation habits on reddit for example. It would be a 1000 posts of him being absolutely torn to shreds.

incredibly private

Yes, not in front of someone else while they're trying to get some sleep.
And we don't know who he is, do we? So it doesn't matter.
Man needs to take himself off to the spare room.
Dear God! Just let people sleep!

TottyMaude · 31/08/2025 00:09

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:04

I think the issue here is that we know that most men dont think about their wives when wanking. And are not interested in them "joining in".

Anyone who thinks their husband/boyfriend is thinking of them while they're wanking is delusional.
Milk maids, stuff they've seen on porn hub, the new girl at work, your sister. But not you love, no matter what he tells you.

Ilovegermany · 31/08/2025 00:12

Livpool · 30/08/2025 20:21

Same but we are in the minority

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Probably would have climbed on top.

ProblemStarbuckshabit · 31/08/2025 00:16

I have been in this situation and vice versa -hubbie has woken up to find me at it!
In my view masturbation is fine - an orgasm can help you relax, sleep etc and helps to reduce prostate cancer in men. We don’t have the energy for sex every night therefore masturbation is a great way of reaching a climax.
It’s not dirty and is something that can be enjoyed together if you can talk about it.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 31/08/2025 00:19

TottyMaude · 31/08/2025 00:09

Anyone who thinks their husband/boyfriend is thinking of them while they're wanking is delusional.
Milk maids, stuff they've seen on porn hub, the new girl at work, your sister. But not you love, no matter what he tells you.

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Why would you think that? I've got 20 years of history with DP. If I'm thinking of sex, she's the first person that's coming to mind.

Is it sometimes not DP? Yes. Is it sometimes DP and someone else? Yes. But mostly, it's DP. She's the person I want to sleep with in real life, she's the person I want to sleep with in my fantasies too.

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/08/2025 00:19

ProblemStarbuckshabit · 31/08/2025 00:16

I have been in this situation and vice versa -hubbie has woken up to find me at it!
In my view masturbation is fine - an orgasm can help you relax, sleep etc and helps to reduce prostate cancer in men. We don’t have the energy for sex every night therefore masturbation is a great way of reaching a climax.
It’s not dirty and is something that can be enjoyed together if you can talk about it.

It can be enjoyed together if the other person isn't already asleep.

It isn't dirty and is perfectly fine to do but maybe not if someone is asleep next to you and likely doesn't want to be disturbed.

usedtobeaylis · 31/08/2025 00:25

People defending him are at it. It's inappropriate to just start wanking beside someone whether they're asleep or awake, and beyond rude to wake them up with it. Come on to fuck.

usedtobeaylis · 31/08/2025 00:26

SuPollardsPolkaDotFrock · 30/08/2025 18:59

Now if a man had said that he didn’t feel comfortable with his wife masturbating in bed nobody would be calling her a disrespectful pig. In fact everyone would be telling him it’s her body and he should mind his own business. Funny old world Mumsnet.

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No they wouldn't for fuck sake.

usedtobeaylis · 31/08/2025 00:28

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 19:12

Why. Do you think a woman needs her partner’s consent to wank in bed next to her husband too ? I’ve done it many times, as I suspect lots of women here have too, and never felt the need to ask ‘permission’ MN is weird sometimes.

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It would just be polite to check the other person doesn't mind would it not? Just assuming and whipping it out is grim.

SummerFrog25 · 31/08/2025 00:30

KimberleyClark · 30/08/2025 18:31

He’s a disrespectful pig, sorry.

Disagree entirely.

why shouldn't he wank if he wants to, in his bed? He's not pressuring his wife for more sex than she wants, he's taking care of his own needs.

@justabigdisco I'd be annoyed at being woken up (for any reason) so I'd talk to him about not needing to wait until
im asleep & whether you'll help/ cuddle/ignore
nut had doubt he bade ti feel bad about meeting his own needs.

SummerFrog25 · 31/08/2025 00:31

GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 30/08/2025 18:32

Woken by him wanking?
Grim.

No it's not.

SummerFrog25 · 31/08/2025 00:33

SarahLHs · 30/08/2025 18:34

Not unreasonable. I’d be disgusted.

Why?

gillefc82 · 31/08/2025 00:44

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 30/08/2025 18:51

I would have no issue with the masturbation but waking me up is problematic. If the house is not on fire then don’t wake me

This!

DH having a quick wank in bed next to me wouldn’t be an issue personally, provided he didn’t disturb me sleeping!

In fact, there’s been a few occasions where I’ve woken up feeling horny during the night and masturbated with DH asleep beside me. I had a wank because either I didn’t want to disturb/wake him or because I was more in the mood for a quick and dirty self administered orgasm than full blown sex.

Honestly, it’s never once occurred to me I might need DH’s consent so I can climax. Plus whenever I have mentioned my nocturnal activities to him the next day, the only thing he’s said is to wake him up next time so he can get involved!! 😂

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/08/2025 01:02

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:51

…do none of you do this? Really? I do this quite a lot when I can’t sleep 😕 no idea whether it bothers my husband or not.

Me too... Esp when stressed... Sometimes OP will wake and join me! 😉

gillefc82 · 31/08/2025 01:10

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 31/08/2025 01:02

Me too... Esp when stressed... Sometimes OP will wake and join me! 😉

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I think you meant DP rather than OP unless there’s about to be a juicy secret revealed….?!! 🤣🤣

Cherryicecreamx · 31/08/2025 01:11

Ew. I'd actually feel pretty violated. I didn't give permission for him to do that next to me. Sleeping should be our safe space.. not wondering what he is doing next to me.
I'd also wake up feeling extremely uncomfortable and thinking was he wanking over me whilst I was asleep??!
Unless you have a consenting partner, of course it should be done in a private ALONE space.

Thegoadingtoad · 31/08/2025 01:16

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24332-masturbation

masturbation is a need for any adult male with a normal libido. If someone is sexually unsatisfied, then their partner starts objecting to them having a wank, what other options have they got?

Masturbation: Facts & Benefits

Masturbation is the self-stimulation of your genitals or other sensitive areas of your body for sexual arousal or pleasure.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24332-masturbation

FortuneFaded · 31/08/2025 01:34

Depends. What is he planning to do with the jizz? Preferably keeping it to himself, I don’t want an unwanted pearl necklace to clutch if I wake up. It’s ok with me if the jizz is aimed away from me and stays away from my side of the bed.

FortuneFaded · 31/08/2025 01:35

Anyone else thinking Dave Gorman should be reading some of these comments out in a “found poem”?

SouthLondonMum22 · 31/08/2025 01:38

Thegoadingtoad · 31/08/2025 01:16

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24332-masturbation

masturbation is a need for any adult male with a normal libido. If someone is sexually unsatisfied, then their partner starts objecting to them having a wank, what other options have they got?

I don't think it's objecting to the wank, it's objecting to wanking next to a person who is trying to sleep and doesn't want to be disturbed.

TheFunDog · 31/08/2025 01:41

Jeez! You share a bed!! Either join in with him or let him get on with it....
There should definitely be a conversation between you both....