To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

[justabigdisco]

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

But it isn't just "his" bed its a shared space and currently occupied by another person

I agree.

I'd find it just as disrespectful if a woman was masturbating next to her sleeping DH and waking him up too.

Bathroom, shower, bath, home alone, in another room

There is too much prudeshness and pearls clutching on this post.
My husband is a deep sleeper and occasionally if I fancy one I will have one.
He knows as we talk about these things.
Sleep tight ladies.

…in Waitrose, up a tree, in the airing cupboard, at a National Trust property… so many places more appropriate than in his own bed.

Eh?
Your body, your choice doesn't apply to masturbating in front of another person without their consent.

Now you're just giving me ideas. I'll bring my satisfyer pro with me to the cliff next time I go for a private walk.

If ops sex drive is lower and her partner knows she is not up for it....

Wanking in the bed next to her, with the bed shaking enough to wake her up, is thoughtless at best, and mildly abusive at worst. Especially so if she has stated she finds it unacceptable.

I think if it were the other way round, and it was the male partner who had stated he wasn't up for sex, to be woken up to his partner wanking and making the bed shake next to him, waking him up in the process, would be just as bad.

Sex is a sensitive, private thing between two people and if one isn't up for it, and wants to sleep, then that should be respected.

But he wasn't doing it in front of another person. He thought OP was asleep....

If I were to guess, I’d think it’s more likely to correlate with women that have been sexually assaulted/raped & how they feel about that now.

I have a high sex drive and DH and I have a great sex life despite having a toddler and a baby. However, as the victim of sexual assault, I am sensitive to sexual acts taking place without my consent. If I woke up to that I’d feel violated and very uncomfortable.

The difference is:

Your husband is okay with you fingering yourself next to him as he sleeps. Perfectly fine.

The OP finds it disrespectful for her husband to wank, shake the bed and heavy breathe whilst at the side of her asleep resulting in her being disturbed and woken up. The OP is perfectly fine to feel this way. Her feelings are valid and she should not be made to feel inferior for this by other women.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with prudishness. And it’s not pearl clutching either. I’d have thought any adult with emotional intelligence and respect would think that.

Would not bother me.
He thought she was fast asleep.

if sex drives mismatch he’s going to do it somewhere. It’s better than having an affair or getting kicks in public
it’s niaive to think that a sex drive mismatch does manifest (in this case in a quick wank)

This, so this

Wouldn't bother me I'd just go back to sleep. I've done it myself on a few occasions whilst he's asleep next to me and I'm struggling to settle, doesn't bother my husband either.

Well worded post

True

Do it back to him, see how he responds.
If he doesn't like you being 'comfortable'...then you can tell him off too...although I have a feeling he probs won't get comfy anymore while in bed with you 😆

Not many people are going to stay asleep in a shaking bed for very long.

Are you serious? He’s wanking next to her while she’s sleeping? That’s fucking vile.

Er.... Hate to break it to you...but most women as well as men will have done it.

How does the same opinion apply? It's her body and her choice. You can't tell her what to do with her own body.

Years ago when I was younger I would too!

And they say romance is dead.

me personally, this is such a non-issue here.
ive done it to, sometimes ive told him, other times i havent.
ive also woken to him wanking. i just smiled and rolled over and went back to sleep.
its the same bed we have sex in, and its not like ive not seen it before. if thats what he wants to do before he sleeps, so what?

I wouldn’t be happy with this either. Ultimately he should care enough to respect your feelings about this and not do something which makes you feel uncomfortable.

I’m with this one, I’ve done it next to a sleeping PARTNER before.
much prefer this to being woken up due to his boner!