To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

[justabigdisco]

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

Also I’d much prefer my (imaginary) husband was getting turned on by me in our bed than a porn actress while he’s on the loo

So you think women are there to flash their bits to please their husband who's woken them up when they probably have to get up for work the next morning? Why is it her responsibility?

If it’s just the waking you up part that’s annoying you could do similar eg wake him up with your vibrated or hairdryer or vacuuming the room and tell him it’s the same principle

I've wanked over Italy
I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omnibus
I've even had a wank in a train

I’m massively turned on by my husband touching himself… so “catching” him doing this in the bed wouldn’t gross me out at all. I think either I would join in, or if I wasn’t in the mood we would laugh about it. It’s never happened though 🤷‍♀️

@PrivateMusicif you hadn’t tried to patronise @SuPollardsPolkaDotFrockId let it go, but she is right and you are wrong.

This!!!

I have to laugh the amount of positioning on this thread regarding consent, privacy and boundaries.

Those dont all start and stop at sex, or sexual acts in relationships.

The OP has started a thread on a public forum that regularly gets threads picked up by media or shared on social media and has shared something incredibly private according to some about her spouse that took place in the "privacy" of his own bedroom.

I wonder has there been a discussion if thats OK with him. Does he feel comfortable? Is he happy that his wife is discussing this on line, without him knowing.

I can only imagine the uproar if a woman came on and posted that her husband was posting about her masterbation habits on reddit for example. It would be a 1000 posts of him being absolutely torn to shreds.

I’m with you OP - grim, plus he woke u up.

What a wanker!

No-one knows who she or her DH are it’s all very non specific.

People usually come here for advice l, that’s what OP did.

OP hasn’t done anything wrong by asking for advice on an anonymous Forum, has she?

Plus there’s a context of patriarchy, it’s not a level playing field.

Jeez some of the comments 🤦‍♀️ if wanking is grim then so is sex right? He was obviously in need of it. DP does it often, he doesn’t hide it, fine by me, better than him harassing me non stop especially when he has a high sex drive and my libido is low. The only time I have a problem is when I’m trying to read and the bed is shaking 😂.

In private

😂😂 I’m taking this as a pun 🤪

That's your opinion. I don't share it.

Can you seriously read with someone tossing themselves off next to you?

People get identified all the time on line. She has absolutely no idea if someone could or already does know who she is. Absolutely nothing online is anonymous really.

So just to be clear then what your saying is consent, boundaries and privacy only matter in some circumstances in a relationship then?

I mean she was asleep, he didn't think she would know. Pretty similar to her taking the risk of posting on here on the assumption no one will know her or him.

yep, we’ve been together 21 years, it’s par for the course these days. Of course sometimes I tell him to hurry up because I’m starting to feel sea sick 😂

Wanking isn't a need, sleep is though. Why should DH's ''need'' to wank come before OP's need to sleep?

Reading the comments on here, its no wonder grindr is full of married men 🙄

@justabigdisco do you ever masturbate? If no, why not? Do you find it gross? If yes, do you ever do it next to him always seeking consent beforehand or do you always go somewhere where you can be alone to do it?

What is it about masturbating next to you that you find gross especially if he wasn't using porn? What does your foreplay involve (granted there is consent in foreplay I guess)

No snark just asking as people have different boundaries and your post has obviously stirred debates. I for one wouldn't find it gross. I might help, join in, or jump him

Hmm. I think it’s ok as he seemed sheepish and stopped- he obviously assumed you were asleep and wouldn’t know. The bedroom is a private space. Most people get changed in front of their partners and don’t ask their consent before they expose themselves. It’s not like he was flagrantly or aggressively doing it in a sinister way.

Bleak

I didn’t say any of that, you did.

I said it was grim, it woke her up which isn’t fair on her.

I can’t see how OP has done anything wrong posting here, otherwise why are you, me, any of us here?

she was obviously asleep when he started and I’m sure he didn’t mean to wake her up. 🙄