Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

Id say have a chat to your mum. There are lots of adverts scaremongering about this. i have known adult children living with parent who needs care to have to move out unexpectedly and find own money for living due to care home moves. There are a lot of rules and legalities around it (which may change anyway with this gov). It may be that the idea is to sign property over to daughter and claim she is dependent on her mum (eligibility needs checking). This may be a relevant factor in legalities / finances re property such as deferred payment with LA putting a legal charge on the house. Also there is the 7 year rule for deprovision of assets. Signing away the property to your daughter wont give her the protection she may think it will. Legal advice is needed. Also the finances as a whole are considered not just the property. I have also known someone sign over the house and then promptly be evicted from it by adult son. So lots to consider. Have a chat to your mum. Its probably in its early stages.

I’m in the same situation. I am the parents main supporter. I have worked hard on my career, to now be mortgage free. My sister didn’t work and treated my parents like shit until she recently ‘came back in the fold’. My daughter is my parents apple of their eye and has been completely supported by me and them to get on the property ladder. I’m a little pissed off now that their estate in the will is split 3 ways. The sister and daughter do nothing for them, except keep in touch, they live miles away, so I’ll be the one to pick up all the elder care responsibilities. It does piss me off. But hey ho. I’ll continue to be the doormat.