Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

Oh I’ll leave you to it OP, what screams from all your posts is how bitter you feel about your sisters getting MORE MORE MORE than you

You can’t sum people up that simply. To you she’s just an alcoholic. To my sister she cooks and cleans for her, takes her to the cinema and out for brunch, buys her nice presents. Can be clever and witty. You may have failed to pick up on this but she’s obviously happy to live there, they get on with each other.

What screams out to me is your weirdly fixated and bullying behaviour.

I haven't. Alcoholism is an illness. I wish your DM well, however there is no denying the impact that your Dsis childhood had on her future and her present.
Does Dsis drink too?

But you missed the next part of that paragraph where I said that I’ve noticed it and never dwelled or been bothered by it. And I wrote that in response to a poster who was feeling sad about being left out of a family holiday and wondering if she was owed a cash sum. I was saying id never expect that.

And you think I’m a bad person for taking on a sick cat from a family member and questioning whether I should ask for money for the vet fees back?

Reading your posts on this and other threads are depressing

I’ll leave you to carry on stewing about unfair everything is in your life and hide the thread 👋

This, @InWithPeaceOutWithStress that poster seems fixated on you and how you are eeevvilll to your poor beleaguered victim of a sister who is the hardest done to, worst treated person ever!! (Is your dsis on mumsnet?..🤨...😆)

🤣 my sister is far nicer than this poster! She is clearly projecting. I’ve triggered something in her.

If the house was split evenly and your DM dropped dead tomorrow, would you sell the home, knowing Dsis would end up homeless or end up on an awful flat in a rough area.

No, obviously not. I expect my mum to be alive for another 20 years and I expect my sister to work and pay her own way at some point. If she dropped dead tomorrow then no we wouldn’t see her homeless. Not that it would come to that as she’d have enough money to buy a smaller place outright anyway given her other pots of money from inheritance. She’d have at least £200k. She really doesn’t need a 3 bed semi.

You hope so. My DM liked a drink too, not an alcoholic until her later years, she was 69.
Very rarely would a smoker and drinker make it to their 70's never mind 80's.
It is a rapid decline.
Your Dsis is not going to work.
If DM agreed to 25% each to you and your Dsis and 50% to your younger Dsis, would that help? You'll have a qtr from your father's home too.

How can you say she’s not going to work? Why write her off like that? It makes no sense.

I think she has every right to be

I think people quite often make it to their 70's and 80's despite drinking and smoking, it certainly isn't very rare- both my parents drank too much and smoked my mother is 87 and my father is 91. Whether these things seriously shorten your life is random, and mostly genetic.

That's not my understanding of the whole thread.

It's about being forced by situation to take care of someone who's supposed to be taking care of you whilst going to Uni then being forced out of her family home to fend for herself leaving her younger sister with her grieving, depressed alcoholic mum.
Since then, OP has continued to support her mum and sister only this is energy and time from her own life and not once have they expressed gratitude.
Her mum was pretty nasty to her as a child also which has affects on people.

The inheritance is not the thing here.
It's loyalty and respect or lack of it.

No thought or compassion for the OP after years of running around after 2 adults who won't do anything about their mental health issues or even discuss anything to do with moving forward in life. They clearly have poor MH. The SS lost her mum at a young age. Parent death does something to a person young or not.

At least that's what I take from this.

Didn't realise the age gap was so big.

So OP is a middle aged woman with her own house who wants her vulnerable 20-something year old sister to forego her chance of having a house and give her some of the money instead?

Sister 24/25
OP 39
OP’s sister at least 42 (that when she purchased her property hence me saying at least)

so yes

The inheritance is not the thing here.

It very much is the “thing” here!

And now to hide again 😆
I have to work today I am sure you’ll be relieved to know 😆

op only just got an inheritance according to another thread!

Where are you getting vulnerable from? There's no indication that she isn't capable of working.

She’s 25, lost her mum at 4, grew up with a spiralling alcoholic mother, dropped out of uni, never learned to drive, spends all day every day at home with her mother.

does that scream happy thriving 25 year old woman to you?

To be honest OP, the feckless and lazy and tend to get all the freebies in life while whose putting in the graft end up with less. Your sister’s inheritance is a case in point.

Enabling her not to work is really unhelpful in the long term though. She needs to learn how not to be dependent on another adult. Otherwise what is she going to do when she's 40 and her mother is dead and she's not eligible for benefits because she owns a house but she has no income and has never worked?

How is that going to happen when she’s living with her alcoholic mother and doesn’t have a license and seems to have lost any kind of will to live independently.

Her mother isn’t going to change.
So realistically it is goijg to have to come from her, but she doesn’t sound as though she’s in any fit state to have the get up and go to progress that. She doesn’t have anyone else supporting or rooting her on in life aside from her mother. I imagine that is a tricky place from which to suddenly have the motivation to get going in life