New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

I'm seeing lots of posts here slamming vegans or saying that he must be autistic. The problem here is that he is so rigid in his eating habits. He doesn't sound like a healthy vegan that makes and eats delicious nutritious food. He would be a dreadful role model for children in the future if his idea of a packed lunch is raw tofu and bread.

With regards to autism. I'm autistic , I know many other autistic people and mostly we're okay with eating out as long as we can see the menu beforehand and plan what we will eat. His food issues are on another level and will make the ops life very difficult if she stays with him.

I wouldn't date a vegan

The dirty unhygienic kitchen alone would be enough to make me never want to go near him again, IMHO

Yes. It's not just the food it's the 'only sitting for 2 hours at the cinema'.
Does he have mobility issues? I do & I will do that for time with a friend.
Another poster has said they attend social meals even with a jtube.
These things are possible to do. He won't but chooses limitation.
Is that what you want for yourself?

Does dining out matter that much though? My DH of 25 years doesn't dine out either, he hates the idea that other people can hear our conversation & we can hear other people. I mean I get that, if you're a private person.
It wouldn't bother me if I were in your shoes. He sounds more interesting than the average guy I'd probably respect him for going against the norm!

Put this one back, no joy to be ever had there😳

He sounds like a drag, and I think you should dump him.
However, those saying vegans are boring, suck the life out of things, et cetera need to grow up.

Bin him off. You'll be a vegan too within a year but default otherwise. He'll cook for you, expect you to cook vegan food for you both- you dont get to go out, so the chances for you to eat the food you like will become few and far between.

I don't want to diagnose something for the sake of it, but many people with self-imposed restrictive diets do this to avoid eating in public/in front of others/to avoid the public eating environment. That seems to be the issue here. This is up to him, but OP will just need to decide if she can accommodate his phobia in her relationship.

Thank you I'm catching up with replies now.

I honestly felt bothered by this but only reading your replies I understand why.

He also has repeatedly called me racist. This is because I organise my cupboards my cuisine type: Italian, Japanese and Indian as these are three of my favourite cuisines to cook. Means the pesto and soy sauce or tamarind can each be quickly found.

He has repeatedly said this is racist and To those asking what his good points are I can't honestly remember. I honestly can't think what was going through my head.

"He hasn't offered to bring a nice picnic. He did once bring a potato and six tomatoes to my house."

This had me howling! A potato and six tomatoes? What a feast! What delicacies!

OP already seems to hve (rightly) made up her mind, but thank you for the laughs, he sounds like a right PITA.

On a fake vegan side note: the few vegetarians and vegans that I know are very interested in food and are usually skilled cooks. They seem to be happily aware that an entirely plant-based diet is going to need a ton of seasonings, marinades, varied textures and spicy sauces. If he were whipping up the best of Yotam Ottolenghi or Meera Sodha on a regular basis, I'd say make the most of a man who can cook, but his potato and six tomatoes is clearly far from the case...

OP, he's batty. Just dump him.

He doesn't eat out. He doesn't 'do' holidays. He doesn't go the cinema. What about what you would like to do? He sounds extremely inflexible.

Arranging your cupboards by cuisine is racist! How old is he?

And he just gets battier - so on top of being a PITA he is stupid.

Racism is a structural system of oppression and the imposition of baseless prejudice on people according to their ethnic origin or skin colour.

Organising your cupboards by cuisine is just practical.

I honestly have no words. He's loje a character from peep show

Eh? Dividing your groceries by cuisine is racist? Yeah, this one’s weird, and not in a good way.

This!!!

@Beautifulbouquet stop dithering and dump this doolally dickhead

Then all of the supermarkets are racist too—the international aisle has different sections for different cuisines.

My fella has an insane list of food intolerances, and some potentially fatal allergies. The list of things he can eat has gradually dwindled over the years. If he deviates from this, the consequences can range between chronic eczema to anaphylactic shock. We never eat out, and it’s just something I’ve had to accept. It wouldn’t stop me wanting to be with him though… I just go off and eat out with my friends instead. There can be far worse things in a relationship than not being able to eat out!

I retract my last comment! Have just read about your “racist” food cupboards. WTAF? 😂

But, it sounds like he must have a lot of other qualities you love and his reasoning is well.. he could die so of course that’s a concession you make!
This guy says it’s because he is vegan, but he drinks a ton of non-vegan beer and wine. And OP has started listing all the other things she doesn’t like about him and they’re all the same theme; he is very rigid and restrictive and won’t compromise. It’s his way or nothing. Does that sound like your partner?

To make my own post clearer, I was referring to people with psychological eating disorders,including fussy eaters,not those with genuine medical problems such as coeliac disease 😊

If this is for real he needs throwing in the bin.