New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

So bizarre I can't figure it out!
@Beautifulbouquet before you dump his sorry ass, can you please find out (purely for MN benefit)...

1. why drinking Fosters is OK for a vegan? (If he was actually as strict as he says, he'd know not to drink Fosters)
2. please ask him to explain his racism comment 🙄

Beginning to wonder if this is a windup

Racism for organising your cupboards- now I’ve heard it all! A pp was quite right was it it with the men and crazy food threads at mo! What’s wrong with them. The fosters is quite something- he’s so pedantic but hasn’t checked this! And to be frank the dirty kitchen was the nail in the coffin for me, and the not changing his clothes. Bin!

You enjoy eating out and want a companion to lunch/dine out with. He is determinedly against eating out, whatever the occasion and by the sounds of it that includes wedding receptions, lunch with your parents etc. It's a basic and pretty wide-ranging incompatibility, which as others have said, will probably get more onerous, rather than less with time. What, one has to ask, will happen if he has to be hospitalised? Will you have to rush to his bedside every day with cold tofu sandwiches?

When I met my DH forty-odd years ago, we were both vegetarians. I fell off the wagon into a plate of fish and chips eleven years later, (he continued to be veggie) and throughout, we've continued to enjoy foodie pursuits, food festivals, eating out, browsing delis, looking at online menus etc. The issue isn't dietary preferences, it's how much you're prepared to compromise and your chap just isn't. And that's not even taking into account the state of his kitchen, his clothes and the other issues you've raised here.

And extremely boring. Fun sponge.

This is exactly it. He is fascinating.

In fact a documentary about him would be absorbing and highly intriguing.

I would really like to watch a documentary about all his peculiar ways which also include never opening his blinds and never exercising and how they came about.

The documentary could last a whole hour and it would be entertaining.

But I do not want to go out with him anymore!!! That is not entertaining.

We had sort of said we'd see each other day as we are both out. I'll wait to see if he gets in touch.

Meanwhile I'm off for a nice sunny bike ride and a cappuccino and cheese scone!!!

@Quinlan yes I agree. Sorry, should have read the OP’s last comment about her racist food cupboard. I myself would have a racist spice/herb rack according to this guy! Madness!

I'm really struggling to work out his good points here. Does he have any?

He sounds very uncompromising. It is one thing to prefere to eat at home and I'm sure vegan optios are crap in a lot of restaursnts. But he's very my way or highway kinda guy. Slo he likes beer so doesn't care if it is vegan. If it something you want the contamination matters. I could not date anyone who brings their own dinner when on holiday, won't go to cinema, won't eat at a restaurant

Is he a good cook? Or is it dry cold tofu sandwiches cooking?
I have a vegan friend who does eat in restaurants but it is not his preference since vegan options are not always great. But he is an amazing cook and makes incredible looking meals with tons of variety. He also goes to forest to mushroom/wild herb hunting. So yeah, I can kinda get it that he prefers to host over going to a restaursnt to have a mediocre frozen vegan burger.

His veganism will never go away and dominate his life, thats fine and OK but it will also dominate your life as well (possibly for the rest of your life) ..not a nice prospect I would suggest

I think that this is a lot more than him being a vegan.

I am a vegetarian and have vegan friends. They are happy to eat at restaurants that advertise vegan options. Most eateries do at least one vegan option (even Wetherspoons ! )

Maybe he has underlying "germphobia" or paranoia and is frightened someone is trying to poison him?

I can't see this working out well for you OP.

Sorry x

OK, so you can never eat out, never have a takeaway, events with friends or family would be difficult, could only go self-catering on holiday, but not a beach of course. Can't go to the cinema or theatre. He'll only wear the same black clothes over and over. He thinks you're racist. His own kitchen is filthy and unhygienic.

Honestly, every update makes him sound worse. Get rid now as there's nothing about him that would make him good relationship material.

I'm not a vegan. I'm not even a vegetarian. But I still miss a vegan restaurant about half an hour on the train from where I live, which closed down a few years ago. They made the most gorgeous food; not only were they entirely vegan, they excluded gluten and nuts (and no, I have no idea how they did it.) Everything I had there was delicious and completely overturned assertions about veganism being boring.

Mate, I really hope this fun-sponge is a seriously good shag because I honestly can’t see what you see in him. Every update makes him sound weirder, and frankly too much like hard work. I’d watch a documentary on him, I wouldn’t date him.

@Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou

what about holidays though??

The racist sauce segregation has blown my mind!

Good for you OP. The story of this relationship will (rather ironically) be one that you dine out on for a long time.

Ask him to have a word with all the supermarkets then. All of them arrange shelves by cuisine (is it racist to call it cuisine 🤔) so their customers can find what they are looking for.

Mostly, he just sounds tedious.

He sound interesting but only in a 'omg I can't wait to tell people what he's said/done now' way. He's the sort of boyfriend who would provide OP with loads of amusing anecdotes to tell her friends, but he doesn't sound much fun to go out with.

How did you meet this cold tofu sandwich- 1 potato and 6 tomato- non driving person?

Have you not ruined his Fosters for him yet? I couldn't resist!

@Nextdoor55

i highly doubt that your husband is talking about anything so interesting that other people in the restaurant will want to listen. He needs to get over himself.

OP, this is going from bonkers to off the scale. I’ve already commented up thread on the no holidays, no dining out issue. But to say your food cupboard is racist is ... Unusually, l’m lost for words. It is no more racist than a world atlas. Run for the hills!

Nope. Great food and eating out are two of life's pleasures.

Really? He sounds dull as dish water to me.

Doesn’t want to go out to eat and spends his time virtue signalling about your cupboards.

He sounds unbearable.