New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

I can kind of see his point as I don’t eat certain meat and have had it put in my food anyway however I do still eat out. Where did you go on your previous dates?

Sounds like a bloody nightmare. Boring, inflexible and doesn't take your feelings into account. Dump him and let him find someone as joyless as him to share his dull little life with!

Oh, that's just ridiculous. I have coeliac disease and end up badly ill for a fortnight if anything gets contaminated. I still eat out! Can't remember the last time I got glutened in a restaurant. What does he think is happening, the chefs are deliberately rubbing his tofu in bacon grease?! I also don't eat meat, I'm a pescetarian and it's never occurred to me to even think about it.

What a knobhead.

I'd suspect he doesn't want to be seen in public with you for some reason? 🤔does he enjoy nights out/just drinks with you? Or visiting places even?

A toddler like man is so very, very unattractive.
Show him the door.

Oh wow, Cold Tofu Sandwich Man is a mn legend in the making. Except that you obviously have to say thanks but no thanks to him.

As a vegan, I find his ‘contamination’ concern pretty disproportionate: it’s not an allergy and it’s spoiling every single meal out for his whole life. He should provably trust that a vegan menu is a vegan menu - mislabelling in restaurants is against the law. I’ve copied info below:

• Consumer Rights Act and Sale of Goods Act:
• A restaurant claiming a dish is vegan when it isn't could be liable under the Consumer Rights Act or the Sale of Goods Act for misdescription.

• Deliberately adding animal products:
• Deliberately adding meat to a vegan meal would be a breach of the legal rights of vegan diners.

• Businesses must tell customers if their products contain any of the 14 listed allergens:
• These allergens include crustaceans, eggs, fish, milk, molluscs.

I really do think him having such extreme mistrust and fear of contamination isn’t normal.

I imagine at a wedding he'd say he wasn't hungry.

He has been very complimentary when I cooked for him.

He also doesn't have a car so going anywhere eh day trips is difficult.

The only dates we've had have been to the local pub or cooking for each other or sitting in the garden drinking wine. I don't want to seem demanding but honestly I'd like to do other things.

It sounds like he doesn't like spending money.

A vegan can go to a vegan restaurant. Why won't he just do that?

It's up to you, but this would be a deal breaker for me, regardless of how wonderful he might be in other areas, because eating out, holidays, cinema are joyous things to do and what's the point of a partner who you can't do your favourite things with.

Just seen your updates while I was researching. Dear God, what an utter fun sponge he is.

Thanks for this! The reason this conversation started is I work in a restaurant and get a good discount and the food is great so I said in a few weeks does he want to go for lunch or dinner.

If he's happy to cook for you, at your place or his, and bring nice picnics when you go out places together, what's the problem?

I've worked (as a chef) in plenty of catering establishments, and as a direct result, don't trust them all either <to not contaminate my food, have shoddy hygiene standards, &/ or use unhealthy/ unethical ingredients>

I much prefer to make my own food, so I can be sure of what I'm eating and its provenance (and eat more organic, relatively unprocessed wholefoods).

My brother (also a former chef) isn't vegan, but hardly ever eats out either - again he prefers to make his own food, and know exactly where it's come from.

I also don't like the fact that most of the profits usually go to the owners, and however skilled and hard-working the cooks, servers and other staff are, they usually get paid at close to minimum wage. Why would I want to support that industry? I prefer to frequent places that operate differently, eg as workers co-ops, but they are few and far between in this country.

Oh gosh I'd be done....that would be a big no for me. I'm not vegan and I couldn't be arsed to worry about contaminating his food whilst cooking.

I wouldn't want to date a strongly principled vegan, it would make me feel judged as I tucked into my bacon sandwhich.

My god, he sounds appalling.
I'd get rid of him or you're just going to have a very small life of utter misery eating beansprouts and tofu at home.
No amount of redeeming features would compensate for being with someone who drains the life out of every situation.

Good God how have you not dumped him already?

I didn't think of this during the conversation but it struck me afterwards...I will ask him if only because I'm intrigued what his answer will be.

His dedication seems rather intense. There's a lot around this intensity which will be just as negative as not eating out.
Humans are social animals and our rituals of sharing food for occasions is a big part of life.
We're unique in the animal kingdom around that. Where other animals eat by themselves for their survival, humans eat socially and those who eat alone often don't do as well as those who eat with others.
So, that'll be a no for me.

It wouldn’t bother me too much if it was only that but it sounds like he doesn’t do anything.

Wow that seems difficult. I think I would become bored of that. Not even a takeaway?

The veganism excuse is BS in this day and age. Coupled with the beach and cinema problems it’s clearly not a veganism issue, he’s just introverted/anxious/boring.

Dump him and go out and have a big juicy burger to celebrate kicking this fun sucking man out of your life!😂

Oh fuck that for a game of soldiers. Imagine taking a tofu sandwich to a hotel. Dump him because

1. he's a vegan / fussy / restricted eater
2. he has ridiculous ideas about eating out
3. he has shown you he has form for ridiculous tofu-related behaviour
4. he is not interested in holidays or eating out for pleasure.

Thank U, next.

He sounds quite inflexible. Not much fun.

I have food intolerances so always quickly check menus and I’d say nearly all food places cater for vegans. If one place didnt you’d find somewhere that did no problem.