New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

I’m not sure you know what demanding means! He on the other hand obviously has no issue stating his demands. No meals no cinema or theatre or comedy club or watching your children’s school plays or going on a train or a car journey or a plane.

Does he exercise a lot/have an eating disorder? Seems quite a lot of control is needed.

@Beautifulbouquet And we can hopefully just both accept this sad reality of two souls mates sadly cut asunder through incompatability without me ever having to listen to a stupid word that comes out of his mouth.

I love this. Just make sure he doesn't resolve to become a bit less annoying for your sake, because such efforts won't last and it's better to break it off sooner rather than later.

Not necessarily self catering we go to the Egypt regularly (Luxor) we go self catering. Yes and do go out for several meals but other times buy food and cook. Some places in the world you could make lovely meals take packed food on trips etc.

Interesting that all those things are a no no, but he’ll happily sit in a pub.

That’s not demanding that’s just normal everyday stuff.

I will give you a warning though if you really want to keep the relationship going, I have known one guy like this and heard about another from a friend

The wife of the guy I knew ended up leaving him within a week of them getting back from their honeymoon and the guy my friend was telling me about, his wife divorced him after a few months
Both cited the restrictions they faced because eating out was off the cards

Save yourself a lot of time and a huge amount of money as life is too precious to lead a restricted life and divorce isn’t cheap

I would be bored to tears by a beach holiday and I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema, probably over 20 years ago. However I love holidays and eating out, I just wish it was cheaper to go to a restaurant and I'd do it more often!

Run

As it stands I can just say he's brilliant but sadly my main interest in / motivation in having a boyfriend is someone to go out for dinner with.

You sound as weird as each other!

He is obsessive and rigid. About clothes, eating out, activities.

Honestly the tofu antics is one of the most un-sexy behaviours I have ever heard about.

You don’t need a justification to ditch, just say it isn’t working for you and that’s the end of it. Cite his tofu eating refusal to go to a cinema, beach, cafe as an example of you want, just say you have differs ways of making decisions and you can’t live like that.

To me this sounds less like it's because he's vegan and more like he has a need to control his environment. I've known a few vegans and they all felt able to eat out.

Could he have some OCD tendencies maybe?

Either way, it's going to put stress on your relationship.

Sorry, whats the relevance of this guy’s brother being gay? You’re talking about aspects of these men which you didn’t like (the fussy eating) so why comment about his brother’s sexuality as if it is also an insult? It’s kind of shown you in a pretty bad light actually.

As for the guy you’re currently dating; he just sounds like a total drip. End if, find someone else. There are lots of men.

Same! Life's too short to tie yourself to one of these miserable people. Every single one of them that I know makes anything difficult because it becomes all about their food.

Fussy eaters give me the ick.

I think most people with a medical reason would be able to explain to hosts and take their own food, even to a wedding, everyone would understand the medical situation.

But the OP is saying it's the boyfriends choice not to go out. Ever. This isn't just about food.

This guy's brother also would only eat about three vegetables. His partner and I used to text frequently with new ideas of how we could hide vegetables in food without them realising.

Agreed. Removing "was gay" makes no difference to the meaning.

You two are just not compatible, that's all there is to it.
( unless you want a miserable life)

Dump him. If you marry him and have children, they will need meat. Will he be worried you will contaminate the kitchen?

Oddly millions of us manage to raise healthy vegetarian children. Nobody needs meat if you know how to cook.

But he'a a fun sponge in every way which is more relevant.

What do you do about food on holiday or when travelling? At a wedding? Socialising at friends houses?

I know this isn't aimed at me but I have ARFID and I get asked these things all the time.

On holiday I choose to eat things I know I like and avoid other food. I have no issue with eating separately so others in my group get to eat the food they like/want to try.

At weddings, I eat what I can and my DH eats the rest 😂

My friends all know I have ARFID so either accommodate me in some way or don't get offended if I don't eat things they've cooked.

Unlike the OPs boyfriend I go out of my way to ensure I'm not making people conform to my preferences.

if you like eating out then just stop seeing him.
literally what’s the point?

I was just about to post that. Children don't need meat. This bloke's problems have nothing to do with veganism.

I am vegan and I eat out often without any issues.

He sounds boring with rigid views about many things,

Dump him.

Him being vegan would be enough for me to dump him But never eating out would be a definite goodbye.

The eating out is a smokescreen. This man wants to control every element of his life. He will never let go and it will become a tiny, restricted and miserable existence as he ages and life becomes more frightening and inexplicable to him.

Let him go.

exactly. He is a nightmare with big issues!