Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

Maybe she is marrying your ex boyfriend?

They do say it's often your own family that hurt you the most don't they?

Ouch. I'm sorry OP that's really nasty to leave you out like that, without even speaking to you.

I know who she's marrying, definitely not one of my exes 😂 she's got better taste than that!

Maybe she thought that inviting you when she knows you couldn't go would come across as arsey? Would you go solo and leave the kids with dad?

There must be another reason. Because surely if you didn't have childcare, you would go without your DH? Or she'd just send you an invitation knowing you'd decline, rather than exclude just one of her cousins.

Of course you need to ask her. If she is inviting everyone but you, including your siblings, then there has either been an error, or she has found out you've shagged her husband to be.

Ask her FGS! How will it cause conflict?! Just asking? Do you even want to go though? Will you go? If not it seems daft to ask why you haven't been asked!

Can you go? Can you get outside childcare?

If so I'd send her a message saying so, if that's her concern.

If you can't then you can't go anyway!

How did the invitations arrive? If in the post maybe it’s got lost.

She could have invited you all knowing the childcare situation and just hoped that you would arrange to come and leave DH to look after the children so you didn't miss it. Just not bothering to send an invite at all, after inviting literally everyone else, is mean.

This would upset me, I would need to try and find out why.

She could have still invited you and said its child free. How awful to be the only one in your family not invited. Do not send a card or present. Just get on with your own life and plan something nice for yourself. You definitely not need people like this. Your mum seems like she's making excuses for her. She should be offended on your behalf. I would be taking a step back from this cousin and her enablers now. She has shown you what she thinks of you.

Well that's awful, YANBU to be upset to be the only one left out. If it is the reason of assumption of no childcare, that is really out of line as you could go without your DH or could have looked to find an alternative arrangement.

I hope it gets sorted.

YANBU

Yes I would, my siblings also have small children and we rarely see each other without the kids in tow, so I'd have gone and left the kids with DH and had some family time.

Does she definitely have your correct address? We sent an invitation to a cousin's old address without realising 🙈 Thankfully he got in touch to ask if his lack of invite was just an oversight. I still feel terrible that him and his wife thought for even a second that it was possible they weren't invited!

What's the point of inviting you when you've already decided you can't go.

Welcome to the new it's my party invitation method. It doesn't seem to matter who gets hurt anymore, as long as the party thrower is happy.

I've been excluded, but nothing made me more ragey than a cousin having their wedding here (they don't live here), and inviting my DB & aunt's & uncles from interstate, but not me or DP's. My DP's had to babysit DN's & have a parade of visiting relatives through their house, talking about the wedding. DF was staunch, but I could see he was devastated & his eyes were red from quiet upset. For no reason, really. I've wiped that part of the family. DB didn't even want to go.

They did arrive by post, if I was feeling brave I'd message her and say that I assumed my invitation had been lost in the post, but I'm too much of a wuss. I mentioned it to my Mum hoping she'd speak to my Aunt and Uncle but she didn't. I know that's very cowardly of me.

That's so hurtful - you have to ask her or it is going to cast a cloud over your relationship going forward.

I wouldn't be concerned about causing a row - your cousin has already done that by not inviting you.

This is why the OP needs to ask her cousin. Call her or text her and just say 'hey, can I just ask if I am invited to your wedding? Bit worried the invitation got lost. Sorry to bother you. '

I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't send her a card or gift or ask to see photos. If she text you next time I'd just blank her. She has been really spiteful to leave you out. If she had invited you you'd have had the choice to go on your own leaving DH with DC. You could have declined as no childcare or you could have got a baby sitter to care for your DC for the length of the wedding.

I haven't decided I can't go, I would have gone had I been invited. It's only the next county over, I could have been there and back in the day, seen her get married, had a lovely time with my family, and not had to spend the night away from the kiddos.

That’s sad ..but weddings can cause so much pain. I wouldn’t say anything to be honest I’d leave it and I wouldn’t go if asked now because someone tipped them off.

Ask your DM if she will mention it to Aunt/Uncle or you will. Honestly this could be a case of a missing/lost invitation. If it turns out it's not then at least you know.

I have already mentioned it to DM in hopes this is what she'd do, I might just explicitly ask her to ask on my behalf.