Not Invited to Cousin's Wedding

[Caribun]

My cousin is getting married. We used to live next door to each other when we were teenagers and have always been friendly. There's no big family drama, no issues, we don't see each other frequently but text occasionally, and see each other at family gatherings.

Cousin has invited all of our family, and all of her cousins (including all my siblings) to her wedding, but hasn't invited me. I've spoken to my Mum about it who says she thinks it's because we have small children, they aren't having kids at their wedding, and we have no one to look after the kids (my entire family will be at the wedding, DH is an orphan and only child).

Whilst I appreciate that may be the case AIBU to think it would have been nice to receive just a courtesy invitation rather than just being completely ignored? I feel so hurt that it's left me in tears and I can't really think rationally about it.

I haven't asked her directly because I don't do conflict, so I'm just quietly very sad.

I think I would have to find out why. You don’t need to be confrontational about it.

’OK, of course that’s fine and completely up to you. Can I just ask if I’ve done something to upset you? I know that my siblings are invited so I’m just wondering why not me? ‘

That’s shit OP. My DH had a similar thing with a cousin, one of his siblings was not invited with no explanation given so none of the siblings and partners went.

The cousin soon backtracked but they didn’t bother going even after an apology (still no explanation as to why BIL was excluded just that it was a “numbers thing”)

That's really sad, sorry, OP. (hugs)

That’s horrible. I would have to reply, something like "Oh. I have to say that’s very hurtful. Can I ask why, when X and Y are invited? I thought we were on good terms, but apparently not. Obviously I wouldn't want to come now I know you don’t want me, but have I upset you in some way?"

That's a very blunt and rude response. You are entitled to feel hurt. Dont hide your hurt from your immediate family. Talk to your Mum, maybe she can find out why.

Yes I'd want to do this as well. Because the only explanation is that she is quite upset about something. And I'd want to know what it was, because either I've done something without knowing it in which case I'd like the chance to explain/apologise, or she's being over dramatic in which case I'd like the chance to roll my eyes!

This is sad and rude. You could follow up with " may I ask why?"

But I guess if she had a decent reason then she would have said.

At least you don't need to waste money on a present and outfits.
Treat yourselves instead

Wow! That's very rude!

What a cow.

If you were my daughter I would be declining

(and bollocks to the 'their wedding, their rules' stuff. If you leave one member out of the wedding deliberately and so rudely they're not worth dealing with )

That's awful. I do hope some of the rest of your family refuse to go now and it backfires on them. She hasn't even come up with any reason.

Oh that’s really awful from your cousin. That reflects on her, not you but I know that won’t help you feel much better at the moment. I would also, as another post suggested, push for a reason as at this point you don’t lose anything and it makes her squirm which is the least she should endure. What a cow!

I’d go away for the weekend instead, and not be available for babysitting nephews and nieces . I’m wondering if, in her head, she has you designated as childcare provider for your branch of the family, to facilitate her child-free wedding?

Wow! If someone singled out one member of my family like that, and was so rude, I'm confident none of us would go.

That's appalling

Brutal but at least you know.

Good for the siblings 👏

would your siblings and mum support you in this way @Caribun ?

I like "may I ask why?". A question requires a response, and you are leaving any emotion out of it (although it's implicit).

I'm sorry OP.

I would also seek clarity, that's really mean of her @Caribun
Also really like PP's suggestion you make yourself unavailable for babysitting that weekend!

What is the point of „seeking clarity”? The bride to be clarified very rudely that OP is not invited.
Just leave it OP,lick your wounds and don’t ask why. You’ll never get an honest answer.
Your cousin is a cow. It’s a deliberate snub and a cruel one.

No babysitting of any nieces/nephews for the time of the event,I’d also inform your closest family about the message exchange albeit it’s their choice how they want to proceed.

As for the future- one less for Christmas,birthdays and I’d also decline any future invitations- that’s if she sends you one.

Has nobody on here ever had to make an invite list? Not everyone can make the cut.

While it’s hurtful to OP the cousin can invite or not invite whoever they want. People like to make up reasons to justify it for their own needs but it’s likely that they are just closer to the others.

That is awful, I am so sorry.

As others have said, I'd plan to do something lovely yourselves that weekend.

Harsh but at least you know where you stand. Make plans for the weekend and do not be available to babysit.

I think from her response there's maybe more to this that you don't know about OP...either that or she's very rude. Of course she can invite who she wants but to single you out without explanation isn't on, unless she has good reason.

Wow how hurtful. Especially how brutal her response was. The fact she hasn't given an explanation says to me there isn't a good one. And no apology, what a cow.
If you were my child or sibling, I certainly wouldn't be going.

(Yes I understand weddings are about numbers but you can't invite a family and leave our one cousin - and I say this when I have 15 cousins on one side)

Welcome to the new it's my party invitation method. It doesn't seem to matter who gets hurt anymore, as long as the party thrower is happy.

To be fair if it's your party, it is up to you who you invite.

Years ago I was the only member of my immediate family not to be invited to a cousins wedding in Ireland. I don't know why I wasn't invited, I just assumed there were people closer to them who they wanted to be there. I was very glad not to have to traipse to Ireland and thought no more of it.

Fast forward a few years and I didn't invite some of the cousins from that side of the family to my wedding for no other reason than the venue was very, very small and I prioritised close friends over distant family. I assumed they'd be cool with it and didn't give it a second thought.

How wrong I was. Some relatives were outraged and said they might not attend my wedding to make a point. I made it clear my wedding, my guest list and they needed to get a grip. No more was ever said about it.

People can be very funny about weddings. It did make me think that I might have been excluded on purpose from the Ireland wedding though and not recognised it as an insult 😂

@CuteEasterBunny you don’t invite the whole family and ostracise one person unless you have a very good reason for it otherwise it’s shitty,rude and cruel.
”Not everybody makes a cut”-OP doesn’t fit in this category. She said she got on very well with her cousin.