Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

[Alaskabound]

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

I checked Skyscanner and the cheapest seems to Lufthansa / LHR to Anchorage via Frankfurt, departing 08:30 tomorrow morning. Do you need a hotel overnight at LHR??

There’s a train to London leaving in an hour.

I could still be found in Anchorage. There must be an Inuit settlement somewhere I could camp on the edge of for three or four decades.

How big is this rabbit thruster, will it need its own seat on the plane? Am assuming it will be going with you seeing how you are so attached 😂

I'm crying.
What about Canada?

The fact she moved it shows she has no class. The correct response is to leave well alone and not clean the bedside table.

YABU because it's fine and if I were your cleaner I would be thinking 'good for her'!

An adult woman masturbates. Big whoop…
My partner is a builder, we have two of his friends staying with us who come to help out on bigger projects couple of times a year. They were doing some work for someone we know and one day I came home to excited voices telling my partner they accidentally opened a drawer when moving a bedside table and found a collection of personal items. At which point, I had to take them around the bathroom they have been using for two months to point at butt plug and a vibrator on a bathroom shelf and ask them whether they ever noticed or reflected on these objects. They never spoke about it again. They were horrified to even bring it up in front of me. Adult men… mind boggles.
I am sure your sensible female cleaner won’t think twice about it.

ETA: I am selling my flat in Spain. Might you be interested?

Best thread ever 😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂 Can I come with? DS5 found my bullet vibrator the other day and was convinced it was a special pen to tickle his tummy. Luckily I’ve explained it away (and brought a child lock for the drawer!) but I’m dreading this coming up when he’s back at school should he suddenly remember and tell the class about mummy’s buzzy pen 🫢

I’m pleased she moved them! Otherwise I’d have been like ‘Did she actually see it, or did it somehow escape her sight??’ Plus also the kids would’ve come home and I’d have found them waving it around like a bloody light sabre.

Cleaner here... I turned up at my very regular slot - man in ldr - to find a line of lubes on the bedside table.. Dusted and put them all in the wardrobe where I had previously seen they lived. Customer never mentioned it. Neither did I

Perhaps she had a go with it 🤣

Brazen it out - ask the cleaner whether she used anything on it when she was cleaning, as you've noticed a pleasing difference in the tingle since last time.

Or put it somewhere different for her to find every time she comes. By the bath, behind the sofa cushions, next to your computer keyboard etc.

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

@Alaskabound I think she did the right thing too, but given she 'put it away' instead of acting like a muppet, I think you're fine. Obviously she gets work from the school gates, so she'd be mad to be indiscreet about it!!

it's fine.

but I understand s remote part of Alaska appeals about now!!

However, don't your kids sleep??

why haven't you sorted yourself out in eeeks because it's the holidays? That's mad !!

@Simonjt

come on mate, that's half the story!!

what did you say to her?

My (clean & disinfected) butt plug was air drying on the windowsill.

My dad came round once & as he usually does, went straight to the bathroom to use the loo before he'd even said hello (prostate problems) &, most importantly, before I'd had a chance to move the butt plug.

He's a perfect gent & didn't say a word.

😂🤮🤮

@olderbutwiser

yeah, NO.

the poor cleaner has been helpful this time, putting it somewhere different each eek on purpose wouldn't be nice.

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 what on earth did you reply?

Hysterical 😂
When my son was about six we were round a school mums house getting ready to go trick or treating.. He came downstairs with her rabbit up his sleeve, buzzing away.. Look at this Halloween claw hand that I've found. Still cracks me up 15 years later!

OMFG! 😱You have made my day OP, so sad you will be facing the choice of emigrating to North Korea or murdering your cleaner and burying her under the patio!

I was on a riverside walk with a very prudish relative sister, brother-in-law and two kids age 8 & 9. Place mobbed with bathers as weather fabulous. Labrador came crashing out of the water sporting a gigantic clear jelly dildo in his jaws. One of the bouncy ones. Cue scrap between me, sis and BIL about who was going to catch dog and wrestle it off him. (agreement was hand would be in a poo bag to avoid direct contact..)
Meanwhile everyone in hysterics, kids demanding to be allowed to throw it for the dog, relative had face like a cat’s bum.