Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

[Alaskabound]

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

I once cleaned my large collection of toys and left them on the side of the bath to dry - like a happy little silicone parade. Only I use that bathroom, so not a problem - I thought.

Got home later that day to find the childminder sitting on the sofa with my freshly bathed daughter on her lap. They'd got muddy at the park, apparently.

She did not look at me. I did not look at her. We did not speak of it - ever 😂

This is competent outing but I used to have a port raccoon. He was a devilish little shit and used to destroy remote controls to eat the buttons and the twiddly rubber bits in game controllers. But I loved him to bits and he had free rein of the house when we were home. We had to move house and we had the entire family and loads of friends round helping us. My sisters and their partners, my parents, 4 friends and their partners. Anyway, my DH had very carefully packed and transported the tons of sex toys in a cardboard box, and for safe keeping he put it in the airing cupboard. We were all down stairs eating a take away , kids were upstairs and the raccoon was noticeably absent which was really unusual when food was about. All of a sudden my teenage daughter SCREAMS from upstairs that she's totally disgusted and with every forgive us and down shoots the raccoon with a neon pink sparkly dildo in his mouth and dragging along a tangled strap on and a set of silicon anal beads. Everybody was just 😯😯😯 and the little bastard managed to steal a chop suey roll as he was legging past with his stolen silicone haul.

Please, mods, this has to go in Mumsnet Classics. And possibly win the prize for the most quickly nominated thread!

Hahaha hilarious, sounds like you went all out with the rabbit thruster 😂

On a serious note the fact she put it away shows she is professional so just forget about it and move on or if you're comfortable just say sorry I forgot I put it away, thanks for putting it away or something.

I'm sure as a cleaner she has seen all sorts of stuff.

I agree with you and think she did the right thing to move it.

Spend a few days in Prague till things blow over.

You can visit the sex toy museum. I've been there; very exciting - the whole place was buzzing.

Oh God stop 😂 😆 😂 😆

Op, last month I got my boiler replaced. I didn’t realise it was going to be an 8 hour job not just limited to the kitchen.
Within the first half hour he’d gone up to my bathroom to turn the taps, issue being I had a dildo and a vibrator either side of the taps drying.
I was horrified and had to spend a further 8 hours in the house with him.
Shall we holiday together? How far away do you think we can get?

If your cleaners an actual grown up, and not a teenager, I’m sure she’ll get over it 😂 (you never know, she might have a rabbit of her own)

I was crying when I left the first comment. Now I'm hysterical.
For me, so far, the winner has to be @LemonMead
I'd just die.

Now I'm crying 🤣🤣🤣

I hope she was wearing gloves.

Can you do a Julia from Motherland and say it's a scooter handle?

😂😂 this made my day

I used to run a playgroup and one of the mums emptied her baby change bag out once and a vibrator fell out. She said she uses it to get her kid to sleep. 😭😭 under the cot mattress when in bed and under the pram when out and about. She had zero shame in that but did make a point of it being a clean one 😭😭

Try St Helena, Tristan, Ascension or Falkland Islands. Very far away, remote but they all speak English.

May I suggest you emigrate to Dildo in Newfoundland and Labrador, (it only has a population of about 200 so very unlikely you will ever bump into anyone you know.)

Same thing happened to me except the cleaner made the bed and placed the aggressively li k toy directly in the middle of the pillow...

My toddler recently found the drawer. Fortunately she didn't manage to turn anything on, but it all got a good examine.

If you're wondering why I didn't drag or distract her away - well that would make it all more intriguing. I'm hoping that having removed condoms from a box and replaced them 30 odd times she'll now consider them entirely uninteresting until I have to discuss contraception when puberty hits!

In a similar vein: I had an elderly bachelor (& rather stuffy) uncle visiting. My son (then aged about 4) had gone to bed, but reappeared in the sitting room to show him a sanitary towel that he'd stuck into his PJs saying 'look uncle I've got a special plaster like mummy has!' I don't know who was more embarrassed me or uncle 😂When I told my mum about it she commented thank God he didn't find your tampons! 😫

Oh god ... I remember falling asleep when lived at home my big pink vibrating buddy to my side. It went in a very public bin when we moved house just in case (I was 18 and didn't know what the hell to do ha)

Is Alaska far enough? Remote enough?

Ive had several cleaners who all start by shoving cables in the “sex drawer” and then obviously realise what it is and stop accessing that drawer. We just don’t talk about it.

Oh my days ! That cracked me up 😂😂😂😂

At least it wasn't like Miranda in Sex and the City, where her older Ukrainian cleaning lady Magda removed the vibrator from her "goody drawer" and replaced it with a statue of the Virgin Mary.

It will be alright @Alaskabound. Never mention it again. I bet she's got one. They sell ever so many. It'll be fine.

Alternatively, I hear Tierra del Fuego is nice this time of year. 😉