Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

[Alaskabound]

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

I'm crying! 😂😂😂

Really. Because the OP, like Falstaff, is not only witty in herself but the cause of wit in other (wo)men.

I’m kind of surprised she touched and moved it but I guess she was trying to save your embarrassment (or not accidentally antibac it)

My own rabbit story still makes me cringe. It was bright purple and lying on the coffee table waiting to be cleaned. The coffee table in front of the sofa on which my DM sat when she came round unexpectedly to tell me in person that my DF had been taken ill and wouldn’t last the week

It reminds me of that BBC TV interview with Yvette Amos during covid where there was a big pink toy clearly visible on a shelf in the background.

I feel that this gem has been missed and would like to draw it to everyone's attention 👏

Sorry but I don't think moving is enough! You will need to have cosmetic surgery to completely change your appearance and also you'll have to change your name. Then perhaps move to some remote convent.
But before you do all that can I just say thank you for giving me a bloody good laugh. I remember the time my toddler came running out of my room waving my bright pink rabbit above his head.....

@Alaskabound

This site might be useful 📧
https://rabbit.org/care/airlines-that-allow-rabbits/

Holy fuck

Crikey, thinking about your effects being cleared after death... Think mine might be worth offering to a museum of some sort by then... It's already 30 years old and still going strong and I'm only in my 40's... If I die of old age it'll be about 70+. 🤣

In my defence the vibration frequency is just right and I've tried loads of others over the years but none have quite the right bass tone and are far too 'sharp' feeling.

Could you leave it out again but stick some googly eyes on it?

I do feel that your cleaner should have left it where it was and taped a neat square around it with hazard tape. But maybe I'm just being picky here.

At college we are forever finding each other's "toys". Got to the point where we're comparing them and finding it very suspicious when a girl says she hasn't got one! 🤔

It really doesn't.

😅🤣 my best friend and I have a pact, if and when one of us dies before the other, to get rid of the toy drawer before anyone else comes looking 🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Simonjt i think its now relegated to cleaning the bathroom sink.....🥴🥴😳🤣 I would die of embarrassment!!

These replies are funny.

My cleaner seems the reliable type so I’m hoping she moved it out of kindness not after use!

I confided in my friend by text earlier who replied ‘Your cleaner comes on Friday, you come on Thursday night!’ That made me laugh as well.

I know that people have entire drawers full of toys but I’ve never encountered such a thing. One is risky enough for me!

And for whoever asked - I feel far too embarrassed to use it with the DCs in the house. Even when they’re asleep, when the motor sounds like I’m driving a speedboat.

Don't be a killjoy
It's totes hilaire/funniest thread ever, etc

I had a collection of toys that I never much used (don't get on with them, though DH would keep buying them!). When he was away I decided to take them all to the tip, along with some other crap to get rid of, one of which was one of those LED face masks I never used either. As I loaded them into the boot, I had horrible visions of having a car accident and the paramedics/police investigating the car and coming across a bag of dildos and a gimp mask.

I have never driven so carefully in my life as I did to the tip that day! Luckily I disposed of my items successfully.

@Alaskabound my son and his friend found my vibrator when they were about 7 years older, I came upstairs as it was suspiciously quiet 😳😳 can you hide yours under a pillow to muffle the noise??

Noooo, ewwww, 😂

Howling at this.
Mine are buried deep, locked in an unobtrusive bag after my daughter found one in the bedside drawer.

Luckily she was young at the time and thought it was for scalp massages.

Have you considered a remote house in Greenland or Patagonia? But if you are moving please ensure you take the batteries out of it because that could be another issue at security in the airport!

Could be worse.

When I went into premature labor due to my waters breaking I was rushed off to hospital and MIL decided to help by cleaning up the house so it would be ready for our return.

Upon return we found she hadn't just cleaned the puddle on the floor but she had gone through every bedside draw and carefully organized and arranged all our adult toys, condoms, lubricants etc...

Shes a very passive aggressive person, so I'm sure she was sending a judgemental message.

May I suggest Tristan da Cunha, the most remote island in the Atlantic and 1,750 miles from land. They speak English, although it's a distinct dialect.

Seriously though, had you cleaned it??? It would worry me more that the cleaner touched your fanny-juice than that she knows you have a sex toy

I also want to know the rest of the story from @Simonjt