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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
Mynewnameis · 24/08/2024 20:21

I'm pretty sure my cleaner has seen vibration devices. My kids found my rabbit and I told them it was stickman. The pink battery operated kind 🤣

Maysurvive · 24/08/2024 20:27

Police discovered mine! A few weeks ago I became suddenly unwell and my MH nurse requested a welfare check. I wasn't at home but the Police went to my house to check and to find a photo of me. They found my driving license in my bedroom where my obviously used and not yet cleaned vibrator was sat in full view. Hope they didn't mention that in their report!

DyingDeclaration · 24/08/2024 20:49

My all time fondest moment AT WORK was when a mystery package was delivered covered in redirect labels (pre QR code times!)

Our very officious office manager was adamant that she should rip it open immediately for security reasons - as she did the parcel’s owner walked through the office door and screamed Noooooooooooo - as a pile of butt plugs and dildos landed in the floor in the middle of the office.

best day at work ever!

Partylikeits1985 · 24/08/2024 21:01

Drippycandle · 23/08/2024 22:06

I’m just reading this thread and feel like I’ve gone back to Victorian England or something.
I just wouldn’t really be slightly embarrassed about this tbh 🤷‍♀️
I don’t think it’s anything different to a cleaner seeing a box of tampons or a pair of knickers, just intimate stuff that everyone has and no one really cares about?
Although the midwife who delivered my baby was a mum on my school run too and I didn’t dwell on that much either, I just figure, we’re all grown ups.
Cleaners have really seen everything anyway.

Yes, I agree. Cleaners must see these things all the time. It’s actually quite a normal thing to have isn’t it?

Mumof3confused · 24/08/2024 21:05

verityrosa · 23/08/2024 16:33

I used to run a playgroup and one of the mums emptied her baby change bag out once and a vibrator fell out. She said she uses it to get her kid to sleep. 😭😭 under the cot mattress when in bed and under the pram when out and about. She had zero shame in that but did make a point of it being a clean one 😭😭

To be fair I’d have done anything in desperation at that stage 🤣

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 24/08/2024 21:08

BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 15:59

The fact she moved it shows she has no class. The correct response is to leave well alone and not clean the bedside table.

Disagree, the fact that she moved it shows she has a wicked sense of humour, one of the guys at work walked in on his 18yr old son with his gamers VR headset on, while obviously enjoying something that was def not gaming, he he took opportunity to tidy his room and open his curtains...

StrawberrySquash · 24/08/2024 21:10

Magda and Miranda coped in SATC and so will you. 😂

Partylikeits1985 · 24/08/2024 21:12

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 24/08/2024 21:08

Disagree, the fact that she moved it shows she has a wicked sense of humour, one of the guys at work walked in on his 18yr old son with his gamers VR headset on, while obviously enjoying something that was def not gaming, he he took opportunity to tidy his room and open his curtains...

Hmm
Dotcomma · 24/08/2024 21:26

This thread is hilarious, my cheeks are hurting

C1N1C · 24/08/2024 21:27

She probably selfie'd it and sent it to her friends and family. I bet cleaners see some wild things (probably mostly under the bed on the man's side!).

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 24/08/2024 21:39

My friend has the best awkward vibrator story.

When she was a student, she arrived home to find her house had been burgled. She immediately called the police. A few officers turned up, one of whom interviewed her while the others started looking for evidence. When the interview was finished, she walked into her bedroom... to find a young, male officer dusting her vibrator for fingerprints.

I cry with laughter every time I think about this story.

browneyes77 · 24/08/2024 21:41

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

My mom came round once to tidy up for me whilst I was away (I never asked her to, she just thought she was being helpful because I used to be super messy).

Mine was under my pillow. Came back to find it all wrapped up in my pj’s carefully placed back under the pillow.

Mortified didn’t cover it.

Luckily my mom and I have a very good relationship, although that didn’t stop me from feeling like I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

I’d say a one way flight to the Antarctic is your only option 😂

WalkingThroughTreacle · 24/08/2024 21:45

LittleRedYarny · 23/08/2024 16:33

May I suggest you emigrate to Dildo in Newfoundland and Labrador, (it only has a population of about 200 so very unlikely you will ever bump into anyone you know.)

I've been there and would not recommend it. There's no vibe.

Newsenmum · 24/08/2024 21:49

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 24/08/2024 21:08

Disagree, the fact that she moved it shows she has a wicked sense of humour, one of the guys at work walked in on his 18yr old son with his gamers VR headset on, while obviously enjoying something that was def not gaming, he he took opportunity to tidy his room and open his curtains...

One word: ew!

Newsenmum · 24/08/2024 21:50

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 24/08/2024 21:39

My friend has the best awkward vibrator story.

When she was a student, she arrived home to find her house had been burgled. She immediately called the police. A few officers turned up, one of whom interviewed her while the others started looking for evidence. When the interview was finished, she walked into her bedroom... to find a young, male officer dusting her vibrator for fingerprints.

I cry with laughter every time I think about this story.

This is so, so funny

weegiemum · 24/08/2024 21:57

We were cleaning out dh's father's flat after he was diagnosed with dementia and moved into a residential home.

Dh thought that going through all the paperwork (eg his parents' divorce, fil's PhD thesis, bank stuff would be hard.

Not as hard as finding the sex toys!

Mamanyt · 24/08/2024 22:25

My mother found mine...when I was FORTY YEARS OLD, and confronted me with it. For once in my life, I said "what I SHOULD have said," and replied, "Yeah, Mom. I think of it as sex with someone I can actually trust." That, at least, put an end to the conversation. Forever.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 24/08/2024 23:10

feelingalittlehorse · 23/08/2024 21:50

In a similar low point, one of my labs likes to bring people “gifts”- that’s his party trick. Normally dog toys, the occasional cushion or shoe. He just presents you with it and then sits there wagging.

Had the plumber round, and suddenly heard a voice from the kitchen “er, sorry, but your dog keeps bringing me things”.

Walked in to see plumber staring resolutely at the boiler, two used sanitary towels from the bathroom bin deposited at his feet and a very, very proud Labrador sat there. 🥴🤦‍♀️

OMG 😅😂

Vizella · 24/08/2024 23:15

YABVU because you should have invested in a good shower head instead, especially if you have good water pressure 😎

Alleycat1 · 25/08/2024 05:56

I used to live in Alasks. May I suggest St Matthew Island in the Bering Sea which is widely considered the most isolated.spot in the State. No road,no proper landing strip and the last I heard no town. Happy buzzing!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 25/08/2024 07:40

FeralNun · 23/08/2024 18:33

Way funnier than the OP! 😂

Both funny, not a competition.

merrymelodies · 25/08/2024 07:53

housethatbuiltme · 23/08/2024 17:51

Could be worse.

When I went into premature labor due to my waters breaking I was rushed off to hospital and MIL decided to help by cleaning up the house so it would be ready for our return.

Upon return we found she hadn't just cleaned the puddle on the floor but she had gone through every bedside draw and carefully organized and arranged all our adult toys, condoms, lubricants etc...

Shes a very passive aggressive person, so I'm sure she was sending a judgemental message.

My mum did the exact same, except she binned mine rather than leave them out.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 25/08/2024 07:57

@RicherThanYew
"I've never had a sex toy discovered by anyone"
That you know of. . . .

Have a friend who kept her stash of dildos and vibrators in all shapes and sizes in a bag, at the back of her wardrobe top shelf. You needed a chair/step to reach it.

Her favourite bullet went missing for ages..
Turns out her teenage daughter had taken it kept it for herself.
Found it when cleaning, under the pillow, still not cleaned 😳.
She left it and never spoke of it. Also swiftly changed her hiding place. 😅

Katemax82 · 25/08/2024 10:29

One of my clients leaves her toy drawer open and doesn't seem bothered. Just act like nothing happened

JL690 · 25/08/2024 13:30

Katemax82 · 25/08/2024 10:29

One of my clients leaves her toy drawer open and doesn't seem bothered. Just act like nothing happened

Just the toy drawer, no others?

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