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AIBU?

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Cleaner found my toy - need to emigrate

260 replies

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:53

Am I being unreasonable to go to Alaska, or would even further be more appropriate? Would have to be English speaking, but i would be sending for the DCs when the dust settles so i can’t afford Australia. Unless they go overland… Hmm.

DCs at a sleepover last night. A night alone meant the first time I could have some me time in six loooooong weeks of summer holiday. So obviously I used my rabbit thruster three times in 10 hours discerningly checked to see if my discreet adult toy was still working in case it were ever to be called upon. Unfortunately I left it on the bedside table because I was getting the last one in casually strolling out to pick the DCs up. The cleaner has been, and has placed it in a drawer. The cleaner who I know from the school playground and to whom I have never said a word other than to discuss cleaning and make small talk.

So the question is, is there an Air Alaska or should I go via American / United and change at their hubs? I will check for responses whilst packing. Thanks.

OP posts:
Simonjt · 23/08/2024 18:29

SummerSplashing · 23/08/2024 16:08

@Simonjt

come on mate, that's half the story!!

what did you say to her?

I was sadly not at home, so my husband told her it was a repurposed snot sucker thing. It went straight in the bin, we bought two and now we have a special one purely for cleaning those awkward places in the bathroom that the cleaner can use to her hearts content.

AmiablePedant · 23/08/2024 18:29

PrincessOlga · 23/08/2024 18:23

Please don't mock the OP. Some people get off on publishing such stories on forums. I spoke to an interesting psychologist at a party (she was researching people who make "poo posts" on forums and in letters to neighbours - yes, really!) and they have deep-seated issues.

Um, apropos the OP's original post, can we spell PLAYFULNESS? TONGUE IN CHEEK WIT? COMIC HYPERBOLE? Even IMPROV?

Confused118 · 23/08/2024 18:31

OP don't worry about it, it will have been funny for about 10 minutes and then she probably never thought about it again

BowlOfNoodles · 23/08/2024 18:33

Yes leave today

JanefromLondon1 · 23/08/2024 18:33

You need to brazen it out and look pleasantly pleased each time you see her.

Mind you I'm planning for our deaths and what will happen to our collection n. I've mentioned to my friends that if I and DH were to die in an unfortunate accident one of them needs to use the key safe, enter my house and retrieve the grey box from under the bed!!

The eulogies may be interesting if not 😂

FeralNun · 23/08/2024 18:33

Simonjt · 23/08/2024 16:04

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

Way funnier than the OP! 😂

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 23/08/2024 18:34

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Lighten up... Sounds like you could do with a good session with a buzzy little friend 😅

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/08/2024 18:37

You could volunteer to join the research station on Antarctica 😊

MadamePeriwinkle · 23/08/2024 18:39

If it makes you feel better my mum found mine when I was moving out of my first flat and just as she waves it aloft and asked what it was (very simple chrome finish number, not immediately obvious)…my dad walked into the room.

Also accidentally set my womaniser off in a rucksack when my teenage daughter was in the room…

Choochoo21 · 23/08/2024 18:39

Simonjt · 23/08/2024 16:04

Ah could be worse, ours recently asked where we bought our squirter pump for cleaning in awkward places and flushig out the overflow on the sink. It’s a douche, shes been cleaning our bathroom with something that goes up my actual arse.

Personal question - are you a gay man? And is this used so other people’s body parts come out clean?

Allthehorsesintheworld · 23/08/2024 18:40

WantingARefund · 23/08/2024 16:00

😂😂😂 Can I come with? DS5 found my bullet vibrator the other day and was convinced it was a special pen to tickle his tummy. Luckily I’ve explained it away (and brought a child lock for the drawer!) but I’m dreading this coming up when he’s back at school should he suddenly remember and tell the class about mummy’s buzzy pen 🫢

Believe me kids have come out with far worse at news time and don’t get me started on show and tell. 😳

cocoloco23 · 23/08/2024 18:43

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/08/2024 16:44

Argentina? Or a really really long worldwide cruise?
my male friend, when we were late teens, was having some me time, headphones on, in his bedroom at home.
when opened his eyes when all done, his mum had left him a cup of tea on the bedside table 😂😳

The Mary Whitehouse Experience used to do a v funny routine about this story back in the early 90s. I remember seeing Rob Newman (I think) doing a visual gag about it onstage.

Duckduckgoose24 · 23/08/2024 18:43

Alaskabound · 23/08/2024 15:58

There’s a train to London leaving in an hour.

I could still be found in Anchorage. There must be an Inuit settlement somewhere I could camp on the edge of for three or four decades.

Find an igloo rammed with other hussies*

  • I jest.

I once left mine in the bathroom sink ready to wash. A friend came round and to this day I can't remember if she went to the loo on her visit or not.

LeopardPrint12 · 23/08/2024 18:46

My friend used to work in an after school club and a kid pulled some handcuffs out of his bag and said 'Found these in mum and dad's room' !

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/08/2024 18:47

Allthehorsesintheworld · 23/08/2024 18:40

Believe me kids have come out with far worse at news time and don’t get me started on show and tell. 😳

I took my dog into class for mine. How times have changed 😂😂💓💓

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/08/2024 18:47

Didn't mean the hearts!!

cocoloco23 · 23/08/2024 18:48

AInightingale · 23/08/2024 16:54

You do all realise that if you go out and get hit by the number 47 bus, your next of kin will find these items anyway when they're going through your personal effects. (Except you'll be dead anyway and it won't matter so much.)

I’m pretty sure I read a novel once about someone who nominated a friend to go through their ‘stuff’ before their family.

This site calls those people “eradicators” which made me laugh for some reason: gizmodo.com/who-will-dispose-of-your-porn-and-sex-toys-after-you-di-1496542636

PussGirl · 23/08/2024 18:48

LoneHydrangea · 23/08/2024 18:04

God, who cares? Don’t most adult women have vibrators? It should not be a source of shame.

I don’t like them myself.

dildos and butt plugs are a different story 😺

GingerPirate · 23/08/2024 18:49

😂
Stuff happens....

EmoIsntDead · 23/08/2024 18:52

Leave it out next week with some bracelets round it and some rings hanging off the bunny ears. Ask her why she put your new jewellery holder in the drawer? 🤣

oakleaffy · 23/08/2024 18:52

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Vibrators &c are so mainstream these days- Nothing to frighten the horses.

I'd be much more embarrassed if a child found it, rather than a female cleaner.

Bloom15 · 23/08/2024 18:53

LittleRedYarny · 23/08/2024 16:33

May I suggest you emigrate to Dildo in Newfoundland and Labrador, (it only has a population of about 200 so very unlikely you will ever bump into anyone you know.)

Ha ha need to go there and send a postcard to my prudish cousin!

Bloom15 · 23/08/2024 18:56

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You sounds fun - do you need a rabbit?!

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 23/08/2024 18:59

Newname71 · 23/08/2024 16:04

Crying here 😂.
My mum found mine!! We were emptying the drawers under my bed to move it so a guy could sand the floorboards. (He was waiting on the landing)
She accidentally switched it on! It was vibrating and thrusting in her hand and she couldn’t turn it off!! 😂😂
She hastily wrapped it in a t shirt ran past him and threw it into the bathroom!

Oh my god I'm howling

EI12 · 23/08/2024 19:14

I thought the tone could not sink any lower - but posting about wanking? Seriously?