Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

Silly girl? Wtf are you to ge saying that… you don’t even know her!

If it's at all helpful...

Teenagers are peer oriented and image conscious.

So her internal image of what she looks like is dependent on her internal/social media audience.

This is really tough for you. Is there any way you can frame this for yourself by seeking help/support/sympathy from the older generation? You never know what they might come up with from their experience.

I ❤️ this.

"But OP lost me too at "see her vagina" - what, did granny bring a speculum?"

"I spat my tea out at that!"

Really?? you really laughed? I just eye-rolled and thought 'not THIS again," but perhaps it's the first time you've seen the smug troops crowding in to correct the vagina/vulva thing, they love to do it, it makes them feel wonderfully superior.

YANBU OP. The bikinis posted are so tiny they are pornographic and totally unsuitable for a 15yo.

I would confiscate them and buy her new bikinis from a local shop that actually cover her boobs and pubic area, and take the money from her allowance for both those and the ones you bought which she left at home.

She's pushing boundaries and you need to hold firm.

Idk why you don't just go on SHEIN and find a pic of the bikini so people can clearly see what the issue is.

I feel your pain @FFSTeenagers My 23yo big busted DD wouldnt wear a bra under a tiny top when we wrre in the USA shopping with a guy we'd met on a cruise - he offered to take us shopping as we had a spare day in florida.

I said she should have worn a bra and I got the same line as you did.

I left my DD to it, I was mortified at times, but what can you do?

I am a feminist but I am also practical and putting it out there could make you a target so best to play safe imo.

I absolutely love this idea.

You have my sympathy - it’s such a tricky age when it comes to stuff like this. It’s likely she wants to get a tan and it’s apparently trending at the moment to have the tan lines across your chest that those triangle bikinis give you (the ones which tie behind your neck).

Just say to her - can you reach a compromise with every day swimming and tanning - and ask her if she would be ok if her grandad wore a g string so his meat and two veg were obvious so he could avoid tan lines and see what she says. And then prob for fun I would buy a g string did grandad and ask if he’s up for a laugh.

Rebelling with clothes is pretty standard teen behaviour. It's not even really rebellion, she's just finding her style. It's a common bikini style, loads of women, especially younger women and teenagers are wearing them.

I do think a 15 year old going bikini shopping with her mum and choosing them "together" is going to be a bit cringe for her.

Agree.

You are only young once! If I could get away with it I’d be wearing cheap skimpy swimwear instead if high waisted tummy control monstrosities! Leave her be

The one I put pic on was described as a micro bikini. I wouldn’t be happy for a 15 year old in that. Not appropriate for a child to be showing breasts or bum cheeks or outlines of genitals. Once she’s an adult she can choose.

Dh has had a shock. Our dd has gone from last year’s swim tops, full swim suits with swim shorts (aged 15) to a string bikini this summer (age 16).

I’m delighted she’s finally accepted her willowy body that she used to hide in shame. Any pervy men would be confronted because it’s their behaviour I’ll challenge, not hers! That said, every teen is wearing the same and no one is perving that I’ve seen. In the 1990s women used to sun bathe topless and no one batted an eyelid on holiday.

Think that comment may have been tongue in cheek. Like the quip from the film The Heat where Julia Roberts sarcastically says "Oh good, now everyone can see my cervix".

OP, are we talking Bianca Censori levels of "modesty"? Can you link an image of the models she has chosen?

No bikini is fine for all occasions. Just occasions lounging by the pool/on the beach.

She should be able to wear skimpy bikinis, but in reality she will make some people feel uncomfortable, depending on where you are she could upset local sensibilities, and she will get attention that she will probably not want, and at 15 could be dangerous.
She will be leered at, there's feminism and there is being stupidly provocative.
It's not an ideal world. What you should be able to do and what is sensible are very different things.
If you are in a holiday hotspot, buy one more bikini that you can both agree on, and she can pay for it when you get home.

How fucking nasty! Why on earth would you go out of your way to damage a 15 year old’s self esteem like that?

Tell her she's playing into the patriarchy's hands. That will confuse her but also might make her think about what feminism is actually about

It's about being correct and knowing the correct names for the female anatomy. Nowt to be superior about.

Op has now said it’s like this.

That's the worst one posted, the back of it would be shocking on anyone - I really don't know how women's swimwear got to the point of exposing the whole bum entirely. And everyone round the pool/at the beach has a phone and can take pictures, if there are some pervy blokes there they will. Women shouldn't have to dress with predatory men in mind, but she is a kid. A skimpy bikini is one thing, but that particular one - from the back - is really not OK!

I tell you what feminism isn't op, buying shit from China with some of the worst Human rights violations against women and girls.

Maybe tell her that.

My DD is the same age. Absolutely fucking not. (And the fashion ATM is to buy a size smaller in most clothes, so imagine it’s even smaller.)

Pic not showing it’s a micro bikini - Op has confirmed like this. I’d not let a 15 yr old wear it.