Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I went swimming last year and there was a woman lying by the pool displaying a large proportion of her labia majora. It was pretty unpleasant, to be honest. (FWIW she was wearing a swimsuit not a bikini, and she was not a teenager.)

There were several other women displaying large expanses of arse cheek, but at least that wasn't quite so gynaecological.

That's fucking horrible. I really hope you wouldn't do that to your child

😂

It’s a difficult one.

If what somebody is wearing makes someone else uncomfortable, whose issue is it?

The feminist side of me vehemently says that a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants. But there is another side of me is that says be considerate to the people around you.

I have religious Asian parents. Both my teenage daughters and my brothers’ young adult daughters dress more modestly around their grandparents. My parents would be quite shocked and upset if the granddaughters wore bikinis like the ones on this thread. Whilst I accept that is their problem, our kids all want to respect them so dress accordingly.

If I’m honest, I too would find it a bit uncomfortable if my daughter wore one of those bikinis. Though I would not stop her. I also don’t think strippers embody ‘female empowerment’. I am not sure wearing next to nothing is as free a choice as women think it is. But that’s another thread…

When my girls are on holiday with friends, ignorance is bliss!

I don’t think you should focus on her age in your conversations with her OP. It would be inappropriate for women of any age to wear this. It’s highly sexualised / porn influenced swimwear completely catering to the male gaze. I wouldn’t want to hang out with any female relatives wearing this on a family holiday!

Is grandad refusing to sit by the pool due to her skimpy bikini? If so, can you appeal to her better nature and say this and ask if she brought anything else/take her shopping (obviously she’ll need to re-pay you as you already bought her suitable swimwear)?

It does seem to be the fashion this year! I've just been away, and was quite surprised by the amount of bum people had on show. The bikinis actually have quite a bit of material, but it seems to cover the small of the back and then is pretty much a g-string. I was quite surprised, and my bikinis are from Superdry and Pull & Bear, so hardly massive!

I think it's worth pointing out to her that if she wants to climb up a ladder to a water slide, or scramble onto a lilo or anything like that, it's probably going to show more than she'd like.

There is a time and a place for various types of clothing. If the bikini is the type that have been shown on here, a family holiday is not it. It isn't about feminism. It's about respect for the company you are in. She is going to look like a trollop sitting amongst her grandparents. All these comments a ou it's only skin are just people trying to be down with the kids. She can wear what she likes when she is older.

"She must cover up to make men comfortable" is a pretty gross sentiment...

Reading this thread, I'm seeing both sides. DD wants to wear bikinis. At size 6, she is slim and has a good figure with plenty of curves. You went with her and bought some 2 pieces: perfect. She didn't say that she didn't like them. I have 2 teen DDs. I'd be annoyed if I'd wasted time and money buying something they didn't like/wouldn't wear. I hate waste. I'd rather be told: 'Mum, I hate these'

Moreover, if we'd arrived on hols without the aforementioned 'modest' bikinis only for her to wear some v skimpy ones, I'd be annoyed - in large part for wasting the money and the elastane. Especially if her grandad felt awkward. That would be a line for me: Your v. decent, totally upstanding grandad is uncomfortable.

I comprehend all the support for bodies. So ...
Slightly off topic but what do you all think about Penny Lancaster's recent bikini pics and about Bianca Censori (what an ironic name?!) who seems to prefer going everywhere as close to nude as is legal? And it's not her private live b/c as Kanye's consort, the photos are global. All her clients have seen her preference for being legally nude.
I routinely see these women online. They have amazing bodies. I support them. Their choices, which I feel do not flatter them, show more than I want to see. Obvs, I can look away but if Sir Rod or Kanye were virtually starkers? How would we feel about that? Wouldn't we all be saying, 'give up the banana hammock' 'put it away, Sir 'Rod'.?

Not those ones that literally just cover the nip and show a load of under boob? They are awful, regardless of who is wearing them.

I hear you. I’d be mortified as well. I think you’re going to have to try and ride it out and bite your tongue. Sounds like she’ll dig her heels in and push you further away if you challenge her more. Great that she has such body confidence! Hopefully it’s a phase that’ll pass eventually…

This!

Tricky one, OP - honestly, I say let her get on with it. You and your DP’s are adults - you can choose whether to be embarrassed (what she’s hoping for) or roll your eyes and ignore it. The only person she’s embarrassing is herself and she’ll look back in a few years and be mortified. She’s rebelling and it sounds like you’re giving her the exact reaction that she wants to feel hard done by.

Teenagers are bloody nightmares 😂. You’re there for three weeks - why don’t you offer to go shopping with her at a local swimwear shop (don’t know where you are but sunshiney places tend to have loads) and get her something adult, maybe a little risqué but at least covers everything.

Times have changed since the late Nineties, early Noughties though, when I was her age - my mum/I and all the other women/teenage girls used to sunbathe topless by the pool 🤣

She is going to look like a trollop sitting amongst her grandparents.

Wow......

No one could see her vagina without a speculum and a torch. It’s vulva.

I vote YABU just because you need to learn the correct names for female body parts before admonishing your dd for showing them off.

@Uppity7 Then I would put together an album of large prints including the most unflattering shots of her, and leave it lying around.

Anyone who does this to their child needs serious psychiatric help.

Just take her to the shop (hotel store or local town) and buy her an appropriate bikini.
Tell her that she can wear what she chooses when she is 18.

Agree...Buttocks are ok.

Seeing the vulva is a bit cringe, but hopefully her actual vagina isn't on show- do people around the pool have a speculum?!

Surely we have reached peak vagina/vulva/speculum jokes now. Let it go.

I didn't see your comment but posted the same thing about speculum.

No one shows their vagina wearing even the briefest of G strings.

Some of these replies are really weird!

There is absolutely no way I would allow my 15yo to walk around naked or nearly naked, because I’m a half decent parent.

Does she have anything else to wear instead?

My DD would be told to take it off and wear something more appropriate but she has ASS and usually does what she’s told but I know most 15yo aren’t like that.

Well done you for protecting your DD and being a good mum.

It's tedious isn't it? Everbody knew what OP meant and adds nothing to the actual debate.

23 is completely different to 15.