Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

But she won’t be the only one wearing this type of bikini, other guests at the hotel/beach/pool will be wearing similar or even the floss back style bikinis. It’s the current fashion, everything is technically covered!

This kind of thing?

You need to post a pic from the website

All the Shein bikinis posted on the thread are so flimsy and can't possibly stay in place. No one could swim in those and I'm sure she'll be uncomfortable and regretful if it's like any of them.

They are all on curvy models though! By which I mean very slim but with hips and breasts, so it's not like they're designed for straight up and down figures.

Omg someone just did!!!!!

I hate to say it, but that is very accurate to the one she emerged in.

So. For all you out there saying it's Me with the problem, would you be ok with your 15 year old wearing this?

FWIW I've worn some of those style bikinis posted (in my 30s and onfront of my parents) and they stayed on me in the water, including going down a waterslide. I also had Shein bikinis for 3 - 4 years and they never broke, they only got the bin this year because I gained weight.

Yes I do hope the op is perfectly trim and shaved/waxed as so not offend the eyes of her child or others

What you should do is back down.

You also need to stop taking on other people's assumed or perceived or imagined feelings and develop personal boundaries - which means the knowledge of where you end and other people begin.

Why on EARTH did you buy her THREE bikinis?

Cos you don't want to put on a wet one?!

I know someone who has a beach house in a hot country and has 10! 😅

When the Olympics roll around, check out the swimwear and the gymnastics gear the women will be wearing. Ditto the midriff baring outfits worn by women in track events.

Your daughter is on trend...

Unless wearing a wetsuit or full costume with shorts and a high neck no nice swimwear will leave much to the imagination for a curvy girl/woman.
They are skin tight anyway, for us with a small waist and a curvy bottom there will always be some bum spilling out unless it's shorts and very few bikinis or costumes hide breast cleavage.
You just need to chill out I think and maybe not be offended on other people's behalf, the GPs may not think anything of it.

I’ll ask again, did you give your daughter a choice in where to buy her bikini from? Can you link the one she apparently ‘happily chose’ in comparison? Because it reads like she didn’t have much choice in her own style and wasn’t given an opportunity to compromise.

I can understand being uncomfortable with her wearing a bikini like some of the very small ones pictured. IMO it's not that they are suitable for people smaller than OP's DD. It's that they are suitable for adult women who are happy to show off their bodies. Which isn't necessarily a 15 year old splashing around with families and kids in the pool.

However, I would take on board what PP's have said about how you act now could impact on her and how she feels about her body for a long time.

Given you are on holiday and that is the swimwear she has, I think I'd avoid mentioning it. I would suggest making sure she has a cover up available for going to eat, or in case of shoddy flimsy bikini snapping! And go in full tiger mom at any inappropriate looks or comments.

It's great that she's confident in her skin.

I took the comments about OP's dad/grandad to mean that he'd volunteered to stay with her rather than by pool with everyone else so she wasn't alone.

Curvy doesn't mean fat ffs those that are telling the op she is body shaming . She means she is hourglass with big boobs and a curvy bum I expect. I have this body shape and anything like this makes me look like Jessica rabbit ..

Tricky having a teen girl!

I hate swim wear like this along with those up the arse crack leggings. Not much you can do though.

Agree this one is perfectly decent and appropriate for a 15 year old on family holiday. There is a lot more coverage there than some of the pictured ones.

Let it go. She'll grow up soon enough.

I cannot see how the bikinis are too small for a size 6? my DD is a size 6 and buys all her bikinis from shein and I have never once almost seen her vagina!

Your DD clearly didn’t like the bikinis you bought, so has replaced them with the ones her friends are wearing! I think next year I would order them from shein with her - so you can at least you can see what she is buying. I am afraid next is not the place to shop when you are 15.

I feel conflicted about this. On the one hand there is a long history of society telling women what they can and cannot wear. This is still going on. Nor do I believe women and girls are responsible for what predators or misogynists do. In an ideal world your daughter should be able to wear what she wants without consequences.

However, we don't live in an ideal world ofcourse. I would argue that with nearly everyone carrying an camera phone in their pockets, it's worse than it was 20 years ago. Your daughter might end up with some photo's of herself online that will mortify her in years to come. She is only fifteen and does not yet understand the full context of certain clothing.

Her comment about feminism also signals her immaturity and lack of understandig of the world she lives in. @FFSTeenagers you ought to show her some lectures from Gail Dines if she really wants to get an understanding of what feminism is. Your daughter has grown up in a pornified culture and she's not even aware of it. She has been spoon-fed a diet of sexual images before she even started to develop her own sexually. I wasn't even aware of how sexualized the images of pop-stars were when I was that age. To me the way Britney Spears dressed was perfectly normal and acceptable and I wore skimpy stuff without thinking about it. However, nobody had a smartphone back then, so I face no consequnces today.

There are many things she does not yet know or understand and this is where an adult needs to step in to provide boundaries and context and to protect her from consequences she should not have to face, just because she is still a foolish teenager.

This. On every level. 👏

Harummmmmmph!

The grandparents can just spend their poolside time looking at all the other teen girls wearing their floss style bikinis, i.e. all the other teen girls.

I have about 30/40 - lost count. I think about 15 still brand new. I am going through them with pleasure and indulgence as I go in my hot tub at home some period- daily- others, weekly or every other week .

Guilty pleasure 😛😎

Lots of cool mums on here today. I wouldn't allow my 15 year old to wearing something g that revealing as 15 is a child. But you don't really have a choice if that's all she has brought, it's not body shaming to have a bit of decency for children.

This would be very funny. I bet OPs DD would lose any sense of humour at this!