Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

What were the appropriate bikinis you bought her? How do they differ from the ones she’s somehow managed to sneak into her bag? Did you pick the other ones, maybe she felt they were too granny like (or appropriate around grannies). And we all can read your idea of ‘curvy’ means you think she’s too overweight for what she’s wearing.

She is 15. She is confident in her body. You have already said too much. Leave her.

Everyone is gonna say yabu even though she's basically got her fanny out in public.

OP, call her bluff - nick one of her illicit purchases and pop it on before swanning down to the pool.

Either it’s on show or it’s not. All the op can do in that regard is have a very discreet word saying that her bottoms are showing more than her daughter may like to show. If the daughter doesn’t take that on board then what more can the op do? Maybe someone else will say something but at least she’ll be pre warned before she’s embarrassed.

Honestly, can you really “nearly see her vagina”?

I know the fashion is skimpy these days but I’ve never seen anything that doesn’t at least cover the vulva and anal area.

i don’t particularly like the g-string type bikinis where half their arse is on display, but it’s fashion and they’re all wearing them.

unless you can actually see gynaecological detail I’d leave her be. Arse cheeks is the norm,

I'd be cross too. It's not appropriate to be wearing so little that your grandparents feel embarassed to look in your direction. Silly girl. You dress for the occasion, and if you are with your elderly grandparents you have a bit of consideration for the fact.

It would spoil my elderly in laws holiday to have a teenage grandaughter swanning about in practically nothing. And it's their holiday too.

I don't imagine you can do anything unfortunately - although I do love the suggestion that you should wear one of them too. I imagine she'd find that embarassing.

I think it's awful to body shame her like that. She has eyes, there must be mirrors she can see how she looks. I was in Greece in early summer and was surprised how small bikinis were, but each to there own,

This. I suspect she'll understand your perspective then.

that are not for her curvy build YABU for this

sweet jesus... you've only been on holiday for an hour and you are already posting about it on MN?

i suggest you have an actual word with your daughter, and explain why you feel her swimsuit is in appropriate.

she's 15, it is her body and she can wear what she wants but there is a difference between wearing what she wants and basically have every body part out on show!

How do you nearly see a vagina?

I don't like seeing young girls dressed like this, so I don't look.

It's a shame she didn't feel able to tell you she didn't like the ones you bought together.

She is going to take no notice of you. As you are predominantly with family, can one of the nanna's say something tactful?

I get that women shouldn't be ashamed of their bodies, but at the same time it should be OK for others to say if they think something is not quite right.

But has she got anything else to wear that might cover more of her bits.

The flip side of the coin is she retreats to her room in a huff and won't go in the pool for the rest of the holiday. If it's mainly family, then I might just not say anything.

YANBU, OP.

YABU. Bikinis from Next are not what teenage girls want to be wearing! I imagine the Roxy bikini is probably very high coverage as well.

Unless you can link to Shein or similar to what she’s bought with her I can’t believe it’s that bad and it’s not you bring uncomfortable with her “curves” as you put it.

Leave her alone
Be more Scandinavian

Not one has arrived? Do you mean she’s not packed the ones you bought. I’d be cross about that - if she didn’t want them she should have said not wasted money. She’s obviously got too much pocket money if she can buy 4 bikinis.
As for rest if they cover genitalia and she’s happy wearing in front of elderly relatives I’d let her.

Do you know what a vagina is, OP? Because if you think you can see her vagina then I don’t think your know what one is.

Perhaps educate yourself on the female body before you start lecturing your daughter about how much of it she shows.

Why on EARTH did you buy her THREE bikinis?

YABU. Skin is skin. Be it skin covering arse cheeks or elbows! I personally find "skimpier" bikinis far more comfortable. I draw the line at actual labia or penis being on show and I'm pretty sure there are laws around that kind of nudity!

Googling Roxy ones, they seem very similar to Next. Very heavy on the floral, teens are very into Shein. Did you give her a choice of shop op, did she show you before buying what girls her age are into?

😂 Good point!

I would also find this really grim. But I think you just have to suck it up. She's not wrong about the feminist angle. At this point, she's made the decision, and I'm sure her grandparents know it wasn't YOUR decision. Just let her get on with it.

Also... she's been secretive about this. She is HOPING to get a rise out of you.

I think all you can realistically do is try to make sure you're accompanying her if she's wearing the bikinis around predatory males.

I would also be tempted to take lots of holiday snaps including her in her dental floss bikinis in awkward positions. Really lean into it. Everything's fine, lovely holiday snaps! Then I would put together an album of large prints including the most unflattering shots of her, and leave it lying around. But then I have a bitchy side.

Yes, please do this. Feminism is for all women not just fifteen year old flange flashers👏

I don’t subscribe to the “it’s my body my choice line”. Only stupid people think feminism = women doing whatever they want. If her outfit is so revealing it makes a lot of other people uncomfortable (and this will depend on culture), it’s not ok. It would be the same if your son was lounging by the pool in a Borat-esque mankini.

However, in terms of practical advice your options are a) come down heavy or b) model the bikini yourself.