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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF Neigbour Using Hot Tub

425 replies

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

OP posts:
ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 22/07/2024 18:10

lets call her Helen (as this is her name)

🤣🤣🤣

SweetCreamandCaramel · 22/07/2024 18:13

Op you need a motion activated alarm, complete with spot light, and a really loud voice activation to go off when somebody enters: "Retreat, step away from the hot tub, trespassers will be prosecuted, smile for the camera."

😂 On a more serious note, though, definitely send out a message as a pp suggested above.

bunsnroses1 · 22/07/2024 18:13

I‘m not one for confrontation, but even I would have to go over there and see if we could get to the bottom of this ‘miscommunication’.
She was planning on letting a load of kids tear up your garden while you were away, passive aggressive hints on the community WhatsApp are just not going to cut it!

masomenos · 22/07/2024 18:13

but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute

Why do you think you’d be causing a neighbour dispute? Surely the people causing the dispute would be the neighbours who’ve been using your garden and hot tub, illicitly, without your permission, and then telling your neighbours outright lies about you?

TheaBrandt · 22/07/2024 18:13

Outrageous but then I’m quite precious about my hot tub and would not want randoms in it.

hotandpremeni · 22/07/2024 18:14

I have to wonder as teenagers aren't always known for honesty.

Could the teen children said that you offered them and it was alright and she's one of this idiots that thinks the sunshine's out of their teens arses and they only speak the gospel truth at all times she's believed them.

The problem with is, if that's the case and she is one of those parents and the teens know that, she's unlikely to believe you over her precious children. Worth a shot saying something along the lines of "I believe there must have been some misunderstanding- I have never given you permission to use my hot tub while I have been away - can you help me understand how you have come to believe we would host your son's party in my garden" and stop talking ?

Because it seems odd that a random you don't know is angry you have withdrawn consent unless she's got a very different story from someone else ?

Sadly it's not so odd that a random would break into someone's garden and use their hot tub - it's the outrage and stink eye she's been giving you (without people witnessing it) that makes this all seem a bit off.

Maybe just me though and I have to say I was a bloody awful teen.

diddl · 22/07/2024 18:15

Tbh even with "neighbourhood watch" I don't know why you'd go away, tell a group of people (some of whom you don't know all that well?) and leave a gate unlocked.

DragonGypsyDoris · 22/07/2024 18:16

Leave a turd floating in the hot tub.

justasking111 · 22/07/2024 18:17

mummymeister · 22/07/2024 17:23

isolate the electricity to the tub. drain it and then put a very big notice on top saying dear Helen, no you do not have my permission to use this tub, now or ever. she will get in past gate locks etc I am sure but when she sees this she will know you are on to her but cant say anything or will have to admit she was in your garden. can you get one of those ring cameras up outside pointing at the tub?

This just go to the fuse box and flip the switch.

samarrange · 22/07/2024 18:17

Re-reading the OP, is this a possible scenario?

  • Local kids - maybe Helen's, maybe not - knew about the hot tub in 2022 and decide to use it.
  • Word got around and Helen's kids suggested your hot tub as a venue for the party, possibly being a bit creative with the truth.
  • Helen trusts her DC a bit too much and thinks you reneged
  • Helen has actually never been in your hot tub and maybe didn't even know you had one until her DC came up with this story
This seems to me to require much less CFery on her part. Adults don't sneak into someone else's garden to use the hot tub but teenagers very well might. And for her to both use the hot tub and get snotty with you about the party would be double-plus-psycho-level CFery. Anything's possible, of course, but I'm trying to think of other plausible scenarios that would explain her attitude.
Peaceandquietandacuppa · 22/07/2024 18:17

Definitely post this in the group chat!

Hi all, it’s been brought to my attention that someone believed we gave permission to use our garden while we are away and have “revoked” it. Just to clarify that we have never been asked by anyone if they can borrow our garden, and no permission was ever given. I’m not sure how this confusion came about so hope this clears things up.

it’s a slightly nuclear option but she is obvs trying to paint you as the bad guy which needs to be nipped in the bud!

Schoolchoicesucks · 22/07/2024 18:18

WishIhadnotcome · 22/07/2024 18:00

I’d speak to her really nicely and say something like ‘I’m really sorry but I think there must be a mistake somehow. X said that you’d been promised use of the garden for a party and that we had offered you this before. Can you remind when we discussed this because I have no recollection at all and actually don’t want the garden used while we are away?’ Then enjoy observing her squirm.

If you're on smile/nod terms usually then I'd do this. Pop round and knock on the door and ask her if there's been a misunderstanding. You're not accusing her of anything, have just heard rumours about you granting and then revoking access to your garden and hot tub. And you don't recall doing that. Has she heard anything. And explain why you don't want your garden/hot tub to be a free for all while you're away.

She'll either squirm or you'll find out that your husband/kids said something to her husband/kids or that one time you mentioned the hot tub to her, she said it sounds nice, you nodded and she thought that meant she was welcome to use it anytime she liked but for some reason never mentioned it to you or thanked you after using it....

SunshineAndFizz · 22/07/2024 18:18

bouncybouncingboobies · 22/07/2024 17:22

I’d update on street what app with a jolly message that says- Hi All, I heard a really funny rumour the other day- apparently I ‘rent out’ or ‘let’ people use my garden and hot pool. Just to clarify, this is not, never has been or ever will be the case. It’s our garden, not Thorpe Park! LOL

FCF- Fucking Cheeky Fucker!

Oh yes please put a message on the group like this!

And also lock your gate and hot tub. CF indeed!

WearyAuldWumman · 22/07/2024 18:19

TheaBrandt · 22/07/2024 18:13

Outrageous but then I’m quite precious about my hot tub and would not want randoms in it.

Yup. I've never owned one, but my first thought would have been "Yeuch! Other folk's germs!"

Schoolchoicesucks · 22/07/2024 18:20

You might find out that she's not the only one - someone else could have started the original use and told her you were happy with people using it so she went for it...or maybe the son's party would have been her first time and that's why she's annoyed if all the other neighbours got in there before you got wind!

WearyAuldWumman · 22/07/2024 18:20

diddl · 22/07/2024 18:15

Tbh even with "neighbourhood watch" I don't know why you'd go away, tell a group of people (some of whom you don't know all that well?) and leave a gate unlocked.

The neighbours who used our garden for a party climbed over the fence, I kid you not.

CoraPirbright · 22/07/2024 18:22

Did you set the neighbour straight? If you told her that Helen is very much mistaken and that no such conversation ever took place and no permission ever given, I hope that this will now be making the rounds of your other neighbours. It’s incredibly unfair that she is lying like this about you.

diddl · 22/07/2024 18:22

WearyAuldWumman · 22/07/2024 18:20

The neighbours who used our garden for a party climbed over the fence, I kid you not.

Wow!

Oakcupboard · 22/07/2024 18:22

Definitely put something in the group chat, there have been some great suggestions above

ThePoetsWife · 22/07/2024 18:23

Why did you announce on WhatsApp your holidays? This could make your insurance invalid

Ivehearditbothways · 22/07/2024 18:23

Are you asking her to watch the house when you are away? How else would she know all the dates? Then they’ve just taken advantage and gone too far using stuff?

Or have you not asked her anything at all and it’s all made up? Maybe her husband has told her you’ve given these permissions and then after the message in the WhatsApp group, he had to back track and say you were just stirring things? But how would her husband know your holiday dates.

Someone is telling them every time you are away, with the exact dates. And it’s such an odd scenario for her to make up, get mad about and then tell people… someone must have told her something and she really thinks she was allowed.

Just go round and speak to her, just ask who told her these things.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/07/2024 18:25

My advice is to put a vague yet obvious enough post up on the neighbourhood WhatsApp group calling her out on the lies that she has been spreading about you.
I know it's a long message but something like this might work -

"Hi all - you may remember last year (or whenever it was that you originally posted about the hot tub usage) we put up a post asking if anyone was aware of who had been using our garden and the hot tub. We have recently come into some information about this and while we won't name names here, we would like to clear up any misinformation that you may have heard.

  1. Our garden has always and will always remain off limits to anyone when we're not around. This is primarily a safety concern but anyone entering our garden without our explicit permission is and was trespassing.
  2. We never offered to loan our garden out to anyone while we were away, so if you have heard that we have revoked an open invitation, well, the invite wasn't there to begin with so it just isn't possible.
  3. We have given no permission to anyone, neighbour or otherwise, to host a party in our garden at any time, so anything you may have heard is just not true.
We don't want to fall out with our neighbours and if any of the above info sounds familiar, please let us know. Suffice to say, going forwards, we have decided to pay for a security company to ensure our property is secure whenever we're not around. It's such a pity that we feel that we've had to take these steps but when someone trespasses, takes liberties and is dishonest when asked, there are few options left. Your neighbour at #50 (or wherever you live)"
MissMoneyFairy · 22/07/2024 18:26

Post on the community wattsapp group that there has been unauthorised use of your garden and tub to warn others and never tell anyone when you're planning to be away, lock and gates and use the security camera.

Elle7 · 22/07/2024 18:27

Hello, OP? Are you still there?

NotMeAgain2 · 22/07/2024 18:28

Helen is her name 😂😂

Just flick your hottub switch off at the amp box, then update WA with ‘hottub thief ID’d, everyone can stand down 🙄’.
And don’t forget the eye roll.

CFER indeed !

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