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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF Neigbour Using Hot Tub

425 replies

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 22/07/2024 17:35

Just put something on the What's app to say that you are going away and no one has ever had or will have permission to use it so can people keep an eye out

ToxicChristmas · 22/07/2024 17:35

I'm usually not one for confrontation (as I can't be arsed with the drama) but on this occasion, I think I'd message her directly and say that you had heard that she had been saying you had been promised use of the hot tub and could she please clear up the confusion and confirm who promised this? It's going to take some brass balls to pretend that you have had a conversation.

mitogoshi · 22/07/2024 17:36

Are you 100% sure you haven't said anything along the lines of "thanks for watering plants/feeding cat/letting in plumber whatever, if you want to use the hot tub let me know? My neighbour did offer me use of hers in return for chicken feeding, beats eggs!

Threeweeksold · 22/07/2024 17:36

Itiswhysofew · 22/07/2024 17:21

Well I never. What an absolute CF, of the highest degree.

Can you give a holler through your camera?Grin

I wouldn't let on you know, record what she's doing and then inform the police.

Unfortunately it’s nothing to do with the Police.

macaroniandcheeze · 22/07/2024 17:36

bouncybouncingboobies · 22/07/2024 17:22

I’d update on street what app with a jolly message that says- Hi All, I heard a really funny rumour the other day- apparently I ‘rent out’ or ‘let’ people use my garden and hot pool. Just to clarify, this is not, never has been or ever will be the case. It’s our garden, not Thorpe Park! LOL

FCF- Fucking Cheeky Fucker!

Completely agree that a blanket statement is needed here. “Although I love and appreciate the close neighbourhood network we have, I just want to confirm that I have never offered anyone the use of our garden while we are away on holiday. Hope this clears up any misunderstandings!”

Sunrise727 · 22/07/2024 17:37

Oldraver · 22/07/2024 17:35

Just put something on the What's app to say that you are going away and no one has ever had or will have permission to use it so can people keep an eye out

BEST ADVICE HERE. Even I didn't think it and I am usually very practical. I would also state there are cameras and that Pol!ce will be called automatically.

@grandmabrown

StickItInTheFamilyAlbum · 22/07/2024 17:37

OP, like PPs, I wonder if you've checked there hasn't been a conversation between your teens and Helen's teens, and that's what's led to a misunderstanding?

Otherwise, it's such an egregious fib that it's remarkable anyone would run such a claim.

Cherrysoup · 22/07/2024 17:38

Oh, please put a message on the street WhatsApp! I think that’s the best solution and then say there’ll be a permanent camera pointing at the hot tub and any intruders will mean the police will be called. That’s insanely cheeky! I honestly dunno how people dare!

LemonMead · 22/07/2024 17:38

I am immediately over-invested in this situation and demand to hear more juicy details as they become available, OP 😂

macaroniandcheeze · 22/07/2024 17:38

Threeweeksold · 22/07/2024 17:36

Unfortunately it’s nothing to do with the Police.

Trespassing definitely is!

OhmygodDont · 22/07/2024 17:38

Definitely agree with the cheery WhatsApp post.

She won’t be able to keep Going around spreading her fake rumours trying to make you look bad.

hey 👋 it’s come to my attention some people think I rent out or share my garden or hot tub with others. I don’t and never have. In fact while away is when we tend to put an extra dose of cleaner it in, so certainly not good for the skin 😬. Just thought I’d clear that up before anyone comes asking to hop in 😅

WhitstablePearl · 22/07/2024 17:39

macaroniandcheeze · 22/07/2024 17:38

Trespassing definitely is!

No, it's a civil matter, not a criminal matter.

Elle7 · 22/07/2024 17:39

This is nuts! Are you in the UK?

What did you say to neutral neighbour?

Maray1967 · 22/07/2024 17:40

bouncybouncingboobies · 22/07/2024 17:22

I’d update on street what app with a jolly message that says- Hi All, I heard a really funny rumour the other day- apparently I ‘rent out’ or ‘let’ people use my garden and hot pool. Just to clarify, this is not, never has been or ever will be the case. It’s our garden, not Thorpe Park! LOL

FCF- Fucking Cheeky Fucker!

I would do this - gets the point across to everyone without being aggressive and without explicitly naming anyone. But anyone she had complained to will know anyway.

AvacadoBathroomSuite · 22/07/2024 17:40

I’d be going on the WhatsApp and saying:

Further to people using our garden; I have recently been made that some believe they have been given permission to use our garden. I want to confirm that we have NEVER given anyone permission to use our garden/hottub/any of our premises. I am asking for support from the neighbourhood to keep us informed if they see anyone trespassing on our property. If anyone is seen trespassing, the police will be informed.

Thank you.

Elle7 · 22/07/2024 17:40

StickItInTheFamilyAlbum · 22/07/2024 17:37

OP, like PPs, I wonder if you've checked there hasn't been a conversation between your teens and Helen's teens, and that's what's led to a misunderstanding?

Otherwise, it's such an egregious fib that it's remarkable anyone would run such a claim.

Why would that matter? The teens don’t own the property!

Helen sounds batshit!

BackOfAsda · 22/07/2024 17:40

macaroniandcheeze · 22/07/2024 17:38

Trespassing definitely is!

No it’s not. It’s a civil matter

Apileofballyhoo · 22/07/2024 17:41

How did she know your holiday dates when you've never spoken to her?

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/07/2024 17:41

Don't update WhatsApp. It'll make you look like you're after a drama, and also upset the other neighbour. It might also look mean. Just cut off supply and drain, and use a burglar alarm.

AvacadoBathroomSuite · 22/07/2024 17:41

BackOfAsda · 22/07/2024 17:40

No it’s not. It’s a civil matter

Yeah but Helen doesn’t know that, she will likely panic at the word ‘police’

DinnaeFashYersel · 22/07/2024 17:41

On the CF scale that's pretty much near the top.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 22/07/2024 17:42

I’d directly speak to Helen, say that other neighbour had told you that Helen had said you’d agreed to hold a party in your garden and then changed your mind, but obviously this isn’t true and you’d never given Helen’s family permission to be in your garden when you are away, and does she know what’s going on?

it could be the son has told her you said it was ok.

STFUDonkey · 22/07/2024 17:42

bouncybouncingboobies · 22/07/2024 17:22

I’d update on street what app with a jolly message that says- Hi All, I heard a really funny rumour the other day- apparently I ‘rent out’ or ‘let’ people use my garden and hot pool. Just to clarify, this is not, never has been or ever will be the case. It’s our garden, not Thorpe Park! LOL

FCF- Fucking Cheeky Fucker!

This!

Definitely put something in the neighbourhood chat, not naming anyone but say you've been informed that your garden was being used, and you'd never agreed to this.

Also lock on gate, lock on hot tub and a no trespassing sign.

BellesAndGraces · 22/07/2024 17:42

The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

You might be worried about causing a neighbour dispute but this CF clearly isn’t - she has lied about you and used your hot tub without asking! Grow a backbone OP because this CF clearly saw you coming.

user1984778379202 · 22/07/2024 17:42

CF indeed! I agree with putting a message on the n'hood WA:

Just want to clarify that we have NEVER given permission for anyone to use our garden and hot tub while we're on holiday, so if anyone sees it being used, please notify us straight away! Thanks. GrandmaBrown.