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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF Neigbour Using Hot Tub

425 replies

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

OP posts:
IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 22/07/2024 17:55

Wow, this must take the CF award

AzureAnt · 22/07/2024 17:55

I would go round there and confront her actually. Tell her you have cctv, even if you haven't, and wait for her reaction

BigDahliaFan · 22/07/2024 17:56

Dull I know, but go round and ask her.

Likewhatever · 22/07/2024 17:56

I hope you found out before you got in their water 🤢

Deserthog · 22/07/2024 17:57

I would absolutely be putting dye in the water.

Aerialpigeon · 22/07/2024 17:57

ToxicChristmas · 22/07/2024 17:35

I'm usually not one for confrontation (as I can't be arsed with the drama) but on this occasion, I think I'd message her directly and say that you had heard that she had been saying you had been promised use of the hot tub and could she please clear up the confusion and confirm who promised this? It's going to take some brass balls to pretend that you have had a conversation.

This is the right approach I think, meeting it face on and in a grown up way

SweetCreamandCaramel · 22/07/2024 17:58

Oh gosh, I'm now pleased I don't own a hot tub, very unsettled by randoms getting in when they see the car is gone! The fact they all know the exact dates when you're away and back as well. The neighbourhood watch thing isn't proving to be that beneficial. They do say it's usually somebody you know.
How unhygienic as well, it makes me wonder are they all in on it, with a little rota of neighbours rocking up for a soak each evening!

Thank goodness for doorbell cameras etc

DidYerAye · 22/07/2024 18:00

I would 'take advantage of a last minute offer' and let everyone on the WhatsApp know you're going away this weekend.

Huge shame that the recent Windows outage caused the hotel to double book, forcing you to return unexpectedly on Saturday night, at peak hot tub party hour.

JulianAssangesCat · 22/07/2024 18:00

I find it staggering that 1% of readers of this thread think you’re being unreasonable! Unless Helen’s on here… 🤣

WishIhadnotcome · 22/07/2024 18:00

I’d speak to her really nicely and say something like ‘I’m really sorry but I think there must be a mistake somehow. X said that you’d been promised use of the garden for a party and that we had offered you this before. Can you remind when we discussed this because I have no recollection at all and actually don’t want the garden used while we are away?’ Then enjoy observing her squirm.

Caroparo52 · 22/07/2024 18:01

What an insane story.
I'm with the invisible dye in the hot tub approach.... is it blue?
Please let us know

Delatron · 22/07/2024 18:02

I think you need to do the WhatsApp message to all neighbours otherwise they’ll believe her and think you’ve gone back on an agreement.

Then I’d be straight round to confront her in person and make it clear that you have cameras and she is not to use your hot tub again. I’d also ask why on earth she has been making up stories.

GrimDamnFanjo · 22/07/2024 18:02

I'm tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt and point the finger at the husband. Surely no one would be so stupid as to lie so blatantly.

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 22/07/2024 18:03

lets call her Helen (as this is her name)

🤣🤣🤣

AudHvamm · 22/07/2024 18:03

mummymeister · 22/07/2024 17:23

isolate the electricity to the tub. drain it and then put a very big notice on top saying dear Helen, no you do not have my permission to use this tub, now or ever. she will get in past gate locks etc I am sure but when she sees this she will know you are on to her but cant say anything or will have to admit she was in your garden. can you get one of those ring cameras up outside pointing at the tub?

This is a great suggestion - if the neighbours are really that brazen I wouldn't want to confront them publically (on neighbourhood groups) as I'd worry it would be spun to make me look crazy. This is direct and clear and as poster says they can't say anything about it without admitting they were in your garden.

WearyAuldWumman · 22/07/2024 18:04

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/07/2024 17:27

I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me

I'm not; CFers don't like being caught out, and when they are can turn even more unpleasant

Like PPs I'd make the tub (temporarily) unusable and consider asking her to her face why she lied - though if you do the last option, be aware she may spread even sillier stories just out of spite

This kind of thing isn't that uncommon.

We were trying to tidy up our hold house prior to getting an estate agent. (Long story - there had been a lot of family illness, so it took much longer than it should have.)

I nipped round to give the back garden a quick tidy up: the patio was strewn in fag ends (including Menthol, the type used by the wife next door) and there were empty beer cans all over the place. Next door had clearly used our patio and garden for a party.

samarrange · 22/07/2024 18:04

"Hi everyone - does anyone else have an XYZ brand hot tub? Only we just heard from the manufacturers that there is a fault that causes a risk of electrocution. Just thought we'd let you all know in case anyone else has one and didn't get the message."

Gymnopedie · 22/07/2024 18:04

Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp.

The neighbours would know that the message you posted was only to ask if they'd seen anything.

And by saying she knows it was directed at her she's effectively hoist herself by her own petard. Otherwise why would she 'know' it's aimed at her?

So I think you have all the evidence you need to tackle her, either face to face or on WA. Or both - so that she has to face you, but by putting it on WA all the neighbours are alerted.

Maximusdecimus · 22/07/2024 18:04

I would think one of your kids has probably said in passing oh I’m sure mum wouldn’t mind.

In which case, I would go with the confused head tilt, ‘has there been a miscommunication somewhere along the line? I’m sure if my little billy had said you could use the garden you might have wanted to check first! You know what these kids are like!’

And then watch while she blames her children.

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 22/07/2024 18:04

I think it's highly likely the teens have something to do with this OP. Are Helen's kids teens too, as if so, could one of yours have said to her son that it was fine to use the tub while you were away, and could also use it for a party for his birthday, then when you went ape about it, didn't like to admit it, and so told Helen's son that you'd said they couldn't use it any more. I think I'd be inclined to speak to Helen, and say that you understand that she's disappointed that you've cancelled her son using your tub for his birthday party, but you actually know nothing about it, can she please clarify what's going on? You might find that I've hit the nail on the head, or if your kids have nothing to do with it, she's going to be faced with making up some other ridiculous story on the spot, in which case you can call her out, and ask why she didn't respond to your query on WhatsApp, when you came back from holiday, and asked if anyone had used your tub.

Poolstream · 22/07/2024 18:05

The best way to tackle this is to post that you are not insured for anyone to use the hot tub when you’re away.
It sends a message without being personal and gives a valid reason to say no.

ICouldBeVioletSky · 22/07/2024 18:06

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romdowa · 22/07/2024 18:06

You need to contact this woman and ask what's going on and get the facts , then you can just tell her straight that you have never given permission to use your garden and that you will never let anyone use it. But I'd speak to her directly

AuCo44 · 22/07/2024 18:07

Confront the cheeky cow. Tell her there has never been any arrangement whereby she and her family can use your garden while you're away and you would never sanction it due to health and safety concerns regardless. Tell her to get her own hot tub fitted, you can buy them on a payment plan.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 22/07/2024 18:08

bouncybouncingboobies · 22/07/2024 17:22

I’d update on street what app with a jolly message that says- Hi All, I heard a really funny rumour the other day- apparently I ‘rent out’ or ‘let’ people use my garden and hot pool. Just to clarify, this is not, never has been or ever will be the case. It’s our garden, not Thorpe Park! LOL

FCF- Fucking Cheeky Fucker!

This. Not aggressive but she’ll know that you’re onto her.
And you’d call the police if there was any other intruder so call them if anyone any enters your garden while you’re away.