To ask for advice? Start new job tomorrow morning and want to just cry

[sonervousii]

I'm starting a new job tomorrow and it's bringing back some awful memories of my previous role a couple of years ago where I ended up burning out and having to take time off for mental health reasons. I've been feeling so optimistic and exciting about this new role but as it draws closer I just want to hide under my duvet and pretend it doesn't exist.

I have to go into the office for my first day which I wasn't expecting as my laptop and IT equipment was shipped to my address. It's a 1.5 hour commute which sounded reasonable but now the reality is sinking in that I'll need to get the 7:00 train I'm just feeling overwhelmed by it. When I got the job offer they said they're very flexible with their hybrid model, but now I'm wondering if that's actually true or if I'll need to be in 2 days a week every week.

I'm not even sure what to wear. My employee handbook says 'smart casual' but I know from experience that offices in my industry tend to be very casual unless there are client meetings and I don't want to feel too formal and out of place when everyone is in jeans...

I've packed my lunch as I've recently been diagnosed with coeliac and I'm worried that I'm going to come across as unsocial if I can't join them for lunches out or trips to the nearest Pret...

I just feel so overwhelmed :(

Yes you can! You can definitely do this. Think how much better you will feel at 6.30 tonight.

I really can’t, I feel so overwhelmed. I wish I could work from home for the first day, it’s so overwhelming for me. I’m so close to emailing in and withdrawing/quitting. I feel paralysed and can’t get myself to get ready

Yes you can. Lots of us have been thinking of you and willing you on all night. You have a wave of our good vibes behind you. You will be amazing.

You have got this op. Don’t give up. It’s one day. You can do one day. Get to the end of the day and come back to the thread.

By the end of the day you'll be glad you did it. Go in and see, if you still don't feel like you can do it then review your options, if you don't go you'll never know. Good luck, you can do it x

You can do this. Everything will feel so much much easier once you've been in today. Head high, deep breaths and go.

There's no problem quitting after the first day because it doesn't feel right, but you at least have to do the first day

OP. U can fo tbis. They want u. They chose u. Put on Shagged Msrried annoyed podcast on globsl player. It's hilarious. Has been helping me through loneliness due to bereavement. Let us know how u get on.

You won't know if this job is awful unless you go to your first day.

Think of it this way if the people are awful you can only find out by going, and if you don't go you won't find out they are actually really nice and you like the job.

Deep, slow breath, in and out.
Concentrate on the tangible and get dressed. One step at a time, literally.

Op anyone can do anything for a set amount of time however painful. By 5pm your day will be over and even if it's awful it will only be awful til then.

It probably won't be awful though! No one expects anything if you on your first day. Just go, smile, be polite, done.

You can do it!

@sonervousii come on darling, we are all with you. Girl power will get you through. Remember, they don't expect you to know anything yet, Ive been there recently and I am sure they are nice people and will make you feel at home.

You may really love it! There could easily be some great people in that office ready for you to meet. Give it a go

You can do this! You have nothing to lose really. If you don't go today you've lost the job. If you do, there is a very good chance it will all be ok, and if it's not you can then leave, but at least you will know it was the right decision. You'll never know if you don't try. Nerves are normal so people aren't expecting perfection on your first day. Try to visualise yourself walking in and smiling, people being nice etc.

I really think working from home first day would be worse - so hard to start to feel part of things!

Just set yourself a target of one day. I know it's awful being the new person - I've got this to look forward to myself in a few weeks - but just take it one day at a time. You done have to set the world on fire on your first day. Or your first three months for that matter. Just observe, and take notes. You already impressed them enough at interview stage. You're not an imposter either. They chose you because they like you and believe in you.

Op just go, it will be fine when you get there.

I don't think OP has gone, it was meant to be the 7 AM train. Can you at least call in sick to try and buy some thinking time?

If you didn't go OP, be kind to yourself.

Take some time to think about where you are right now and get a gp appt. Be completely honest about everything and ask for help so that you can confidently stroll into your next job.

If you did, Well done, let's get you through this day.

A flexible hybrid model doesn't usually mean you choosing if you go in at all, it more usually means there's a minimum number of required days, but the company doesn't mind which ones. In practice most teams try to agree one core day where they overlap with colleagues they work with, then the other day moves a bit.

If it said 2 days a week yabvu if you expected to not really go in. I hired a guy who did this and it was really annoying.

Hope you're at the station. You'll be fine once you're in the move. It's like the first day back at school..

Is this the civil service because if it is they're still working hybrid so one less thing to worry about.

I saw a t-shirt slogan a while ago saying

What if it all works out?

As a fellow anxiety sufferer I try to remember this as it's very easy to assume the worst before it's happened. Especially if itsall you've ever done.

I can recommend getting some therapy OP. Be kind to yourself

Good luck op, it will be okay. First day is always nerve wracking for everyone.

My friend has a picture on her daughter's bedroom wall, with a poem by Erin Hansen. It's a picture of a baby bird in the nest, with (I assume!) mummy bird standing on the edge. It goes:

There is freedom waiting for you
On the breezes of the sky.
And you ask, "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?

Isn't that lovely? I hope you're well on your way to your new adventure now @sonervousii . Nerves of course are completely natural, but just remember, as others have said - after all of the application and interview process, they chose you!

Please come back and tell us about it tonight if you're not too tired 🤗

Everyone feels like this

I'm in the second week of my new job md I'm still terrified going in.

New jobs are scary
As you have to learn a lot of new things and meet new people.

But I was chatting to someone in my workplace. He said "make the most of the training time" as it is a great time

I'm still scared but I'm going in.
What's the worse that can happen

We can only do our best!

Focus on the good things.

I hope your morning is going ok. Come back and update when you're ready. We can help you debrief your thoughts.

I'd still go in even if you're late, just say you caught the wrong train. If you can't face going in, I'd only look for working from home jobs. There are many out there.