To ask for advice? Start new job tomorrow morning and want to just cry

[sonervousii]

I'm starting a new job tomorrow and it's bringing back some awful memories of my previous role a couple of years ago where I ended up burning out and having to take time off for mental health reasons. I've been feeling so optimistic and exciting about this new role but as it draws closer I just want to hide under my duvet and pretend it doesn't exist.

I have to go into the office for my first day which I wasn't expecting as my laptop and IT equipment was shipped to my address. It's a 1.5 hour commute which sounded reasonable but now the reality is sinking in that I'll need to get the 7:00 train I'm just feeling overwhelmed by it. When I got the job offer they said they're very flexible with their hybrid model, but now I'm wondering if that's actually true or if I'll need to be in 2 days a week every week.

I'm not even sure what to wear. My employee handbook says 'smart casual' but I know from experience that offices in my industry tend to be very casual unless there are client meetings and I don't want to feel too formal and out of place when everyone is in jeans...

I've packed my lunch as I've recently been diagnosed with coeliac and I'm worried that I'm going to come across as unsocial if I can't join them for lunches out or trips to the nearest Pret...

I just feel so overwhelmed :(

Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that. You do sound overwhelmed.

It's NOT the same job.

One day at a time. Aim to get through the first week - will you be finishing on Thursday for the Easter weekend?

Well done for getting the job and for getting your lunch ready.
Prepare your clothes now, and something for breakfast: what did you wear for the job interview?
Then check the train times again, make sure your phone is charged, pack your bag (include a notebook and pen to make notes if needed), set 2 alarms, have a shower, and go to bed. Try to rest even if you don't sleep.
Good luck!

1 day at a time OP. Try to stay calm.

Congratulations on your new job! Focus on that achievement. Wear smartish (it’s normal to be a bit smarter than everyone else on your first day). Take some good music or a book with you for the commute.
If the commute doesn’t work for you in the long term then try and negotiate. You always have the option to look elsewhere.
Hopefully you will find the team a great bunch and everything will slot into place.
It is very normal to feel nervous before starting a new job. You’ve got this!
Best of luck x

It’s pretty normal to feel anxious on your first day - don’t worry about that. Do what you can to prep practical stuff, watch some rubbish TV and get a fairly early night.

you will be fine- and all the worries about dress code/hybrid/food culture etc do NOT need to be fixed on your first day! :-)

How about a podcast or something that relaxes you on the train ride in. That way you can arrive in a good frame of mind.
Good that you have first lunch planned - then you can see the lay of the land and work out what happens at lunch. Ditto dress code and general vibe. First days are tough, but day 2 and 3 will be a lot easier once day 1 is through. Best of luck.

Have you had any counselling for this heightened anxiety? Maybe you just need to get the first day over with. The anticipation is very likely the worst bit (it always is).

What’s wrong with 2 days a week in the office? The commute time is fairly typical and 2 days a week is on the low side.

what did people wear when you met them at interview?
Maybe not wear jeans on your first day, but if you find everyone else is you can drop in to that - there is mid way between jeans and an apprentice style power suit.

It's not that unusual to expect a bit more time in the office for a handover/initial onboarding.
Be open about the coeliac disease - it's not as 'out there' as it once was - and people are likely to be far more accepting of a medical condition than 'gluten intolerant' or 'prefer not to eat bread'.

Get an early night, and chat to others or your line manager about how much you are expected to be in the office - and as others have said, with Easter you're kicking off with two four day weeks to ease yourself in.
Have a great first day.

1. the commute. That is a big commute. If you have to be in 2 days a week can they be consecutive, stay over one night, maybe even do longer hours that 1st day and take the time back to leave early to get home at a reasonable time on day 2?

2. clothes. You won't know what everyone is wearing until you get there. You can spend a few weeks wearing your things and planning adjustments. Just focus on being smart and clean and presentable.

3. food. So many people have food specifications nowadays. Don't sweat it. You can go for the coffee. Take your food and enjoy looking after yourself well in that way.

4. anxiety about work. Start practising self soothing techniques. Smile. Participate in conversations in a minimal but friendly way. Assess the job for whether it is a good fit for you as you go along. Make adjustments if needed, including not staying if it isn't for you.

I’m starting a new job tomorrow too, also with a long commute and nerves around dress codes- but I’m going in knowing they’ve hired me because they want me to work with them, everyone so far has been incredibly welcoming, and so many people have different eating habits- sometimes you’ve got to fake it til you make it, and just breeze over your lunch plans- you can still sit with someone if they invite you to, or go for a walk and some fresh air if they don’t.

deep breaths- they want you, it’s not your other job- you’ve got this!

It's only because it's your first day ( tomorrow), they said they would allow you to work flexible so don't worry about it.

You may be expected in the office for an induction and to sign your contract so try not to worry and I know it's easier said than done.

Congratulations on your new job, OP!

Re food: just explain that you are coeliac and that you've brought your own lunch. My kids can't have gluten (not coeliac, but very intolerant) and coffee shops and cafés are terrible at catering for it, unless you are happy to have cakes etc for lunch... It's also Ramadan, so regular lunch arrangements might be a bit different ATM anyway!

Thank you all, I feel so panicked but your posts have helped settle me.
I've got my bag all packed and have decided what to wear, erring on the smarter side of smart casual.

I just have visions of me getting to the office and not being able to get myself to walk in.

The trick is to look no further ahead than the step in front of you. So first you focus on getting up on time and getting into your clothes. Easy. Then you get to the station and sit on a train for 90 minutes. No problem. You get into the office, you meet the person you're supposed to, and do the thing they've set up for you. Then the next thing...and so on, until before you know it you'll be on the train home again.

Well done on your new job

You've got your lunch sorted and what you’re wearing so you’re half way there already. The first day is always nerve wracking especially with a bad experience in the past but this is a new role, new company and fresh start.

As someone else said set your alarm and at least try to rest, there’s a lot of good relaxation podcasts if that would help you. Also choose something to listen to on the commute to take your mind of things.

Lastly good luck ☺️

It's definitely better to be on the smarter side than more casual side and people will take into account it's your first day when they see you.

Try not to think too far ahead. Focus on this evening and tomorrow morning, that's it.

You'll be OK...even if it isn't the job for you.

Put headphones on while others train and listen to upbeat, positive music.

I work with a coeliac. Nobody thinks twice about it. Special food arrangements are always made for him if any food is catered.

You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. Maybe other people would be fine with the whole situation - if you’re not then that’s fine too. It took me a long time to understand about being kind to yourself, because not everyone is the same - there are things other people manage perfectly well that I can’t cope with, and vice versa.

I know there are several aspects of your situation I’d feel uncomfortable with. 3hrs commuting every day is insane - I would not be happy with that. I had a similar commute many years ago and it made me ill, I needed medication for migraines and travel sickness. Maybe it’ll be bearable if you don’t have to do it every day.

Just bear in mind that you don’t have to stay there if you don’t like it. Call it a trial if you want. See what it’s like, find out how often you have to go in, and take it from there.

Well done on your new job !
This job is not that job. This is a whole fresh start. Take it one day at a time.
The first day is the hardest.
Wear something smart but comfortable.
Pack some treats into your lunch.
Get an audiobook and drink ready for the journey.
Be excited for the new people you will meet and new things you will learn xx

I honestly don’t think I can go. I’m so anxious and tearful, I just want to hide under the duvet

You absolutely can do this, these are just very understandable first day nerves.

You can - get to the train first. Get on the train. Eat something on the train and surf mumsnet

You can do this! Take six deep slow breaths to slow your heart rate. Look in the mirror and say “I can do this”. You will feel better when you head out the door. Dig deep.

You can do it. If it doesn’t work out, then move on. Good luck.