Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Kick me.. I will never understand the British

And that's the way we like it.

Dadfromthesea · Yesterday 17:41

My in-laws have a 200ft garden. It’s like the bloody King’s. And whilst I have raised the issue of Shroud-gate on here this afternoon it’s not a patch on their garden neighbour problems. The woman at the back of their house literally murdered her husband.

Well, I suppose you'd be suspicious, wouldn't you? Is that a nice pork chop, or Loin of Harold?

I would like to marry you. You are very funny. That's all...🤣🤣🤣👍

Loin of Harold.... you win the day 🤣

Start ordering horse manure and storing it around the base of the trees, ensuring it doesnt fall into the stream, but to basically force them to walk in it to get to trees

or hang things off their canopy

Time for an electric fence, OP?

Sex patio! 🤣

If the fir trees are within your fence, paint some vandal paint to the outside of your fence lol

Op, you are a great and hilarious writer and a master shroud cutter-offer. Please post updates and resolution if one materializes.

Does the diagram that comes with the land registry record for your house (the one with the red line showing your boundaries) and your neighbours house (you can get both records instantly for £3 each) show a boundary in the middle of the stream (like the border between the USA and Mexico running throigh the Rio Grande) or is the stream a no-man's-land with both of your properties stopping before the banks? Please could you buy the land registry docs and post the images?

Sitting here 😮 waiting for the next update. The audacity of neighbours never fails to shock me.

You sure it's not just kids making a den by the stream? If so then I'd probably let it slide. Dens in the woods were always my favourite part of "playing out". If it's definitely adults though, then they should know better!

I am here for this whole saga but the James reference really added to it for me. More please!

I would remove the ladder as well as the tarp then make myself comfy in a folding chair behind the trees where you aren't immediately obvious. When the CFs come out to investigate and put a new tarp up, whisper through the trees at them. Things like 'I can see you', 'I watch you when you are sleeping', 'I know where you live', 'Your hair smells of syrup', 'I want to wear your skin' and suchlike.

Also, have you got a long hose that can reach the stream? Water their side of the bank so much that it turns into a mudslide.

But where’s the fun in that? And why have you no sense of humour? This is the best thing I’ve read in ages

The Daily Twatting Express can fuck the fuck off. And so can its moronic readership (although maybe not - stay here, you might learn something).

Dadfromthesea PLEASE do not let the fact that this has been picked up by lazy bastards from the red tops, deter you from further updates!

Do you have full-on camo and that black greasy facepaint the SAS like to wear?

I think you need to be looking at the Land Registry. Check who owns the stream and where the boundaries are. I suspect they are planning to take down their fence and extend their garden to include the stream with your fence being the new boundary. See if you can adopt the land or buy your section of the stream to safeguard your back fence (it will also mean they are trespassing). You really don't want them doing this first as then they'll be chopping down your trees.

Keep taking down the screens. When you have several, roll them up and put them over the fence onto their new seating...

Great diagram.

Can't believe the CF have continued to erect new shrouds.

Big CF

Update, update update

What harm is it doing ? Why would you just cut it down and store it knowing it may cause confrontation ? You sound like such a Karen you being unreasonable and a bit snobby too ooh we’re lucky enough to have a big garden … you sound like Hyacinth sorry harsh but true

sounds like your more annoyed that you can’t see what they are up to ? Do you peer out daily ? Maybe enjoy a little childishness

I think we've found the neighbour.😂

really ? Thanks for revealing yourself ..

I wish it was tomorrow morning already so that we can see if there is a Shroud IV