Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

[Dadfromthesea]

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

Have an evening with a firepit underneath/very close to it and see what happens. Might only need it once

🤦‍♀️

Ah, this is such great entertainment. Thank you OP.
But can someone enlighten an "older" member on what the James reference is please. I know which post it's from, but thereon I'm lost.

Oh don't be so silly mate,
HTH

Shamelessly posting for the update.

I think unleashing the Brownies on the boundary may be the solution.

The next time you throw the shroud back, include a note clearly stating that the trees are yours and they cannot use them to hang anything. Maybe they don't realize you own the trees? At least you;ll know there is no misunderstanding when the next shroud arrives and you can take action accordingly. Good Luck.

Walkingbacktohappiness

Huh? I know exactly no one who would be ok with a neighbour reaching over onto their land to affix a massive tarp onto their trees. Its absolutely bonkers that you would suggest that this was ok

Seriously, you need to get deeds of your house as, given they have left their ladder across stream, they are either under impression that they own land right up to your fence or are making a play for this land. (Even if this is their land, they have no right to tie anything to your trees.) I would get evidence that area around stream is not theirs, and as a Brownie leader, I am sure you like to go on expeditions with your children to stream (my dog would love it) and don’t want to lose access to it
nor do you want your view obscured by some tatty old tarpaulin. Post this evidence plus a note informing that you do not give permission for anything to be tied to your trees. I would even threaten to cut trees down, that’ll p1ss them off!

Is the wire fence before or after the trees in your garden? If it’s before them, they probably think the wire fence is yours and the wooden fence is theirs, so think the trees are neither yours nor theirs. At the very least, if they think the wooden fence is theirs then they think the river is on their land.

Same amount of harm as I would if I rolled up outside your house, went into the back garden, and glued a large sign or poster to your fence facing your house. Or started to climb your prized fruit trees. Or basically do anything at all in your back garden without even knowing you let alone asking your permission.

You don't seem to get that it is the OP's garden, and they are potentially damaging his trees to install something that benefits them in some way and causes an eyesore to the OP. If they want a screen, they should erect it in their OWN garden!

‘No erections on my private property’ 🥴

🙄 there’s always one…….

Another 🤦‍♀️ to that comment. I wouldn't have cut it down without giving them a deadline to remove it, personally, but you're not winning people over by using a term much beloved by misogynists everywhere.

Stream owner here!

We were told that our boundary is half way across the stream and the other half of said stream is owned by the landowner on the other side. Apparently this is pretty standard with waterways which are a boundary.

So Mr and Mrs J are trespassing the minute they go an inch over the middle of that stream, never mind climbing the bank and touching your trees. Cheeky blighters!!

Actually I’ve been wondering this too. Chain link fences often mark the true boundary. I have one on my land, or the remains of one anyway. The hedge adjacent to it has staged a land grab all of its own (wasn’t me guv’nor!) which makes it seem like the boundary is two metres further into my neighbour’s garden. But the chain link fence line matches the boundary on the deeds.

Oh this is hilarious 😂. Cut it down again 🤣

Loving the diagram.
I was hoping there would be no number 3, but hey ho, they are mad.
What about attaching a notice to your side saying, Stop attaching crap to my trees, CCTV in operation.

Great thread, insane neighbours. How will it all end?! I feel a night-watch in order, complete with water guns to fire at them in Shroud-replacement action.

I would have been round there in an instant!!

OP hasn't taken down the third shroud yet has he?

Posting just because I need the updates!

Just thinking, now we are at shroud number three the CF neighbours should probably be called the ShroudyShroudyShroudyFuckers...

I assume your username is supposed to be ironic? 🙄

Thank you, again, to everyone who has taken time to reply to this thread. Relating the neighbours’ almost-praiseworthy levels of chutzpah to you has been marvellous because it’s proved that reasonableness reigns supreme on here, even if it’s not quite yet managed to permeate their brass necks.

It’d been a good few weeks since I’d contemplated an act of savage vengeance on someone, so it’s heartwarming to know that so many of you have such vivid ideas in that particular thought space. You are reassuringly bloodthirsty.

From the sensible (erect a wind chime made of forks whilst wearing a balaclava) to the utterly absurd (go and talk to them face to face) everyone’s contributions have made me smile a lot. I appreciate it.

You are a lovely gang. Thank you.

It’s strange how the night moves, with autumn closing in. So DW and I have decided to leave The World’s Most Passive Aggressive Art Installation in situ for now. We can barely see this new monstrosity unless we venture into the Amazonian twilight zone that is The Fir Trees. So I’m not gonna take it down yet. If it makes them happy, it can’t be that bad.

Shroud III was an upgrade from bedsheet to plastic. I can’t risk IV being made of even harder substances, like reinforced concrete or Suella Braverman’s heart. So like my grandad said when he retired - ‘My choppin’ days are over.’

Actually he may have said that when his jury retired. I forget.

Anyway, if Indiana and Mindy-Anna (for that is surely her name) want to put a screen up, and feel that a trans-stream, ladder scrambling, Krypton Factor assault course into our garden is the way to go about it, then I applaud them. The threshold for willingly bringing riparian rights into any conversation I’m involved in is exceptionally high, and this doesn’t cross it yet.

I know I’m pressing pause on the Doomsday Clock and that nobody likes a quitter. But I’m a 42 year old dad who spends 98% of his free time schlepping his daughters to clubs (I am at swimming as I type this), so how many friends do you think I have left to lose?

And after all, Neville Chamberlain didn’t become the national hero that he is today by being needlessly assertive, did he?

After 20 years, squatters rights means that either we will get legal possession of their plastic sheet, or they will get legal possession of our entire house and garden. Seems like a reasonable gamble compared to discussing my mild encroachment concerns with the Joneseseses in person.

Obviously if this is just Stage 1 of their plan to slowly take over our garden inch-by-inch, followed by an annexation of the Sudetenland, then at some point we’ll probably have to pop a polite note through their letterbox and run away. But such drastic measures probably won’t happen until I can touch them from my kitchen window.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen tonight. Of course, if they build a wall and a machine gun turret I’ll provide an update. Otherwise, it’s as you were.

It won’t be long before another day. We’re gonna have a good time. And no-one’s gonna take that time away.

Thanks again.

x

Life's too short to obsess over such things, lovely that you've got a big garden and are grateful for that. Wouldn't bother me.