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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

1000 replies

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 15:33

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
37
NalafromtheLionKing · 25/09/2023 19:58

On second thoughts, how about collecting a few more and making a giant pterodactyl to perch on top of the trees?

CliffsofMohair · 25/09/2023 19:59

Also NigelFaragesTinyConscience would make an excellent username

Hullabalooza · 25/09/2023 19:59

Please can we have a front view diagram from the joneses perspective of said sheet? I’m a visual learner

Snazzysausage · 25/09/2023 19:59

Bluebellsbells · 25/09/2023 19:40

Could the shroud possibly be a screen for those movie projector thingys?? They might actually be building an Odeon in your back garden! Watch out for popcorn vendors and over priced sweets next!

Yes I think you've cracked it! They're probably planning a screening of an "arty foreign film" to be enjoyed with their friends. I wonder if the op turns the telly down and listens carefully can she hear something akin to Je t'aime... moi non plus wafting through the firs?

WickedSerious · 25/09/2023 20:07

Hankunamatata · 25/09/2023 17:13

Ooow you could bring the brownies as an outdoor exercise 😂😂😂

They could earn their Temple Of Doom badge.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 25/09/2023 20:08

Hullabalooza · 25/09/2023 19:59

Please can we have a front view diagram from the joneses perspective of said sheet? I’m a visual learner

Agree. I'm confused. Is the shroud (red in diagram?) up against your fence, tied to your tree?

Excellent first diagram, nevertheless. The finest I can recall.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 25/09/2023 20:09

CliffsofMohair · 25/09/2023 19:58

👏 diagram 👏 writing 👏👏 updates.

all you need now is a memorable nickname for people to reference this thread by in 10 years. ‘You remember the ShroudyFuckers?’ they’ll say…

Spot on. Priceless! 🤣

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 20:12

I’m back from Brownies.

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden
OP posts:
Frazzledandfried · 25/09/2023 20:12

CliffsofMohair · 25/09/2023 19:58

👏 diagram 👏 writing 👏👏 updates.

all you need now is a memorable nickname for people to reference this thread by in 10 years. ‘You remember the ShroudyFuckers?’ they’ll say…

Agreed! This thread shall henceforth be known as The ShroudyFuckers!

Frazzledandfried · 25/09/2023 20:14

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 20:12

I’m back from Brownies.

We are collectively holding our breath 👀

TapDancingEverySyllableFromEarToEar · 25/09/2023 20:17

You're going to need something better than those Ikea scissors, they go blunt far too quickly 😀

Peacendkindness · 25/09/2023 20:20

Take it down and install a motion sensor which shouts - what are you doing to my branches? Ow ow ow ow get off get off get off my branches - a two way baby monitor May work well tonight ….. and gigantic spot light beams that are motion sensitive

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:20

@SmallCountry OP could roll a Brownie in paint and lie her on the tarp. Extra points for mouth open in silent scream.

Meanwhile we have the Scissors of Righteousness. Do you have a headtorch OP?

Dymaxion · 25/09/2023 20:20

I’m back from Brownies.

You are going to struggle to cut through the ladder rungs with those, I have found a balaclava and a silky saw, happy to swap for a tarp as the shed roof is knackered Grin

Glittertwins · 25/09/2023 20:21

I'd be tempted to cut part way through the ladder at the mid point so it gave way as they were half way over the stream

ArabeIIaScott · 25/09/2023 20:21

ScrambledSmegs · 25/09/2023 19:32

Why are they so desperate for extra privacy in what sounds like a reasonably private area anyway?

I remember a house near my parents' village went all-out on extra screening despite being quite isolated. Turns out they were running a swinging club there.

It's definitely swingers.

Which leads me to my next suggestion.

With a reasonably powerful torch and a light perm, OP can do a Tales of The Unexpected silhouette dance for the Indiana-Joneses.

With a rope submerged in the river, a couple of volunteers, and an agreed-upon signal, you have the perfect honeytrap set-up.

It's going to be like Scooby Doo. Or dogging. Or something.

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:22

@TapDancingEverySyllableFromEarToEar don't panic, it's only for the cable ties.

Tilllly · 25/09/2023 20:22

VeloVixen · 25/09/2023 16:38

For halloween a few years ago I bought a noise activated giant spider which I attach in my storm porch. So small kids come trick or treating and the spider gives out a blood curdling scream and shoots down on some string. Then winds itself back up.

you need these in all your trees

Oh yes! Definitely this

There's loads of Halloween stuff at the mo

It's rude not to...

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:24

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 20:12

I’m back from Brownies.

Was there ever a comment more deserving than "Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuh"

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 25/09/2023 20:24

Omg, please set up a Ring cam so that when motion is detected, you can manually set the siren off at earsplitting levels (hopefully when the bastard is up his ladder)....

Lollypop701 · 25/09/2023 20:25

So… the shroudyfuckers and the temple of trees… starring the cf Jones who appear stage streamside… guest appearance by a jumping spider, they run to the right and get hit by a body bag, voices in the night scream this is not your property… they look up to OP in the tree with scissors trying to snare them in the tarpaulin from the tree… and then the ladder snaps in half as they try to make their escape… with a hail of nerf gun bullets following them home… has block buster all over it!

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:27

I do rather like the notion of gift wrapping the garden furniture in tarps.

Honestly I'd have a For Sale board up by sunrise.

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/09/2023 20:27

Need 'wildlife' cameras on your fir trees... ones that alert your phone of course, and record sound as well as video.

I still can't quite picture the set up though, despite the excellent diagram...

Are they running the whole shroud across from your garden, over the stream... or just the support wires?

Barney60 · 25/09/2023 20:27

Cut it down!
Cut it down!
Cut it down!
Also grease the ladder, and put that paint that stays on them on the tree where they keep tying it on!

Hedjwitch · 25/09/2023 20:29

Brilliant funny thread. Like Mumsnet of old. Chuckling away to myself at the antics of the Shroudy Fuckers.

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