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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours Indiana Jones-ing their way into our garden

1000 replies

Dadfromthesea · 25/09/2023 15:33

This is making me seethe and chuckle in equal measure.

At the end of our garden are some big old fir trees, then the boundary fence. After that there’s a little stream, and if you kept going you’d find the fence of the people who live in the house behind (let’s call them Mr and Mrs Jones), then their back garden.

The Joneseseses have just bought a big seating unit thing and plonked it at the back end of their garden (the bit nearest us). It’s about 10ft from my boundary fence and a good 70ft from the back of my house - we’re lucky to have a big garden - and there’s the fir trees as well which make it a pretty thick barrier.

But they decided they want some privacy and put up a big canvass barrier. Fair enough, I don’t care.

Except…

They’ve tied it to our fir trees!

They’ve clambered over their own fence, slung a ladder (an actual LADDER) over the stream, scrambled up the bank, and cable tied the bloody thing to our trees! Without so much as a word!

They did it in the dead of night! Came down the other day to discover the bloody Shroud of Turin cable tied to my trees! The ladder was still there on the bank of the stream.

So obviously, being British and terrified of confrontation, I did the natural thing of not mentioning it to them but instead cutting the fucker down. It’s now in my garage.

And they’ve replaced it with another!! It arrived overnight this morning!

Just to be clear - I don’t care that they want to shield themselves from us. It’s a dark green thing so I can barely even see it. But I can see it, and I do care that they’ve gone on a bloody Navy SEAL Commando mission, twice, to my garden to put the bloody thing up!

Yes I could go and talk to them but a) I’ve never said a word to them before b) they might kill me and c) this is funnier.

But tell me I ANBU please.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
37
MonumentalLentil · 25/09/2023 20:29

Lollypop701 · 25/09/2023 20:25

So… the shroudyfuckers and the temple of trees… starring the cf Jones who appear stage streamside… guest appearance by a jumping spider, they run to the right and get hit by a body bag, voices in the night scream this is not your property… they look up to OP in the tree with scissors trying to snare them in the tarpaulin from the tree… and then the ladder snaps in half as they try to make their escape… with a hail of nerf gun bullets following them home… has block buster all over it!

Edited

I misread that as 'the shroudyfuckers and the temple of bees'. That could add some entertainment value if they swarmed while the next tarp was being erected.

Tilllly · 25/09/2023 20:30

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 25/09/2023 18:14

A mumsnet stakeout where we all camp in your garden on shift until they do it again?

More practically, a motion activated senior light with a recorded message- something like Bad Boys or Bon Jovi's Dead or Alive?

Installing a security camera is worth it in entertainment value alone.

Oooh I'm in!

CitizenofMoronia · 25/09/2023 20:30

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 19:44

I think we need a picture of that bastard @CitizenofMoronia. Where would one buy such an item? Asking for a friend.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBgyPXuD5S8/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBgyPXuD5S8/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:30

@Lollypop701 plus a pack of sugar high Brownies (except the one still face down on the Turin shroudalike) screaming across the river.

It's shaping up to be quite Tarantino.

CitizenofMoronia · 25/09/2023 20:31

FictionalCharacter · 25/09/2023 19:51

I agree. And I too am asking for a friend, and for no other reason.

@Dadfromthesea Your diagram is excellent, well done. I vote for the motion sensor activated floodlight deterrent. Maximum wattage.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBgy_HTj2Uw/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/CBgy_HTj2Uw/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Runningonjammiedodgers · 25/09/2023 20:32

This is a fucking brilliant thread.

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:32

That is fucking badass @CitizenofMoronia

I need one of those bad boys.

DebussytoaDiscoBeat · 25/09/2023 20:32

Maybe you should put some clear perspex across the stream so you could take a leap of faith onto it like at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade...except instead of finding some old knight on the other side it's the ghost of Nicholas Parsons doing Sail of the Century. Or something.

CitizenofMoronia · 25/09/2023 20:33

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:32

That is fucking badass @CitizenofMoronia

I need one of those bad boys.

its a sheet and cement, google mud reaper, for instructions

shellyleppard · 25/09/2023 20:34

You and me both lol

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 25/09/2023 20:34

Do you think the ShroudyFuckers want to do things in the river they don’t wish others to see!

ArabeIIaScott · 25/09/2023 20:35

OP has gone quiet.

What if the neighbours are out there doing dogging and caught her cutting down the tarp?

At what point, and how, do we raise the alarm?

gloriawasright · 25/09/2023 20:35

I'm marking this so I can read it in bed .
best laugh on here for ages.
This thread deserves a place in mn hall of fame .

Vitriolinsanity · 25/09/2023 20:35

<Adds cement and sheet to B&Q basket>

Tilllly · 25/09/2023 20:35

WeThreeKingsofOrientAre · 25/09/2023 20:34

Do you think the ShroudyFuckers want to do things in the river they don’t wish others to see!

Well they're out of luck with half the available surveillance and most of MN en route

user76541055773 · 25/09/2023 20:36

So as not to be accused of theft, you need to make your own foray into their garden to return the tarps. Perhaps string them up over the conservatory windows? Drape them over the cats?

user76541055773 · 25/09/2023 20:37

Cars. Draping them over the cats would be weird.

Wildhorses2244 · 25/09/2023 20:38

Once you get 10 tarps, I think that you should fold them up neatly in a pile, knock on the door, and say with a straight face “are these yours? I think that they accidentally blew into my garden”

VeloVixen · 25/09/2023 20:38

Are they actually climbing your fence or can they reach your trees from the DMZ?

I do hope they turn up on this thread! 😁

Lollypop701 · 25/09/2023 20:38

@Vitriolinsanity great addition! Couldn’t think of how to work the Brownies in to the plot… plus the bees … so maybe add in some crocodiles in the stream after the chase from the bees 😂

ScrambledSmegs · 25/09/2023 20:40

I keep misreading tarps as traps.

Now that would be very Indiana Jones!

cuddlebear · 25/09/2023 20:43

WickedSerious · 25/09/2023 20:07

They could earn their Temple Of Doom badge.

Love it!

Dymaxion · 25/09/2023 20:43

Cars. Draping them over the cats would be weird.

Indeed , but it would be a sight to behold watching feral tarps stalking up the neighbours garden !

GabriellaMontez · 25/09/2023 20:43

Chants "cut it down, cut it down"!

Solonge · 25/09/2023 20:43

This is the absolute best thread ever on MN, lmao!

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